To get irritated when doctors say "It's up to you"

[jaz2]

OK, this is not a rant about doctors in general! In the main we've had excellent care from the NHS since DS was born.

BUT today we went to the doctor and one of the questions I asked was whether to postpone DS's MMR - which is on Thursday.
We have had to cancel it 4 times already (over the last 6 weeks) as he has had odd one-off temperatures within a week of our appt. DS currently has a cold and a cough (no temp) and we are giving him his inhaler as he has a tendency to bronchiolitus. So I asked the doctor his advice.

He said it was ok to go ahead with it, but it was "up to us". WTF does that mean?? Does it mean that there is a slight chance that if you have a bad cough then something will happen? I don't mind making a judgement call, but when one doesn't know if one has all the facts then it is difficult. Added to this our general nervousness about MMR (my brother is autistic). I tried to ask the doctor more questions, but he became a bit abrupt.

It's the same story when they offer to give DS anti-biotics. They ask "do you want anti-biotics?". Surely docs should be the ones advising (NB NOT telling) us what to do given their knowledge of the symptoms/liklihood of clearing up without meds/increasing resistance of bacteria perpetuated by over-use of meds.

[ArrietyClock]

Oh dear. I suspect there are some circumstances in which there are no right or wrong answers. Sometimes I suspect the doctor has to treat the parents needs (which are valid) as much as the child's. Eg Antibiotics will help, but the child will get better without, so you as parent need to decide how much of a problem current bug is for you and your child and whether you are able to sit it out and wait or would prefer a helping hand from some drugs. Some people, for example, will avoid antibiotics like the plague and prefer to cope without if possible. Does that make sense? It's frustrating though!

I guess in situations like that you could always try the 'what would you do?' line. Although tricky if you've got a dr who's not willing to be drawn further, as you suggest.

Do what makes you comfortable. Reading between the lines I'd guess you'd rather wait - you obviously have some anxieties are you asked the dr in the first place.

[sparkybabe]

Dr's dont like to make any judgement call sthat may result in a negligence case ie being sued. When I was preg with ds2, I asked whether i should have a CS as I did with ds1. I was told it was 'up to me' but they wouldn't counsell either way. Once I said I wanted a cs, they sprang into action. It was the decision they wanted me to make but they couldn't 'advise' me to do it, in case it went wrong and I'd sue.

[jaz2]

You have a point AC. Trouble is, with DS I want to make the "right" decision all the time, and so be in full possession of ALL the facts (and read my doctors mind!). When it comes to my health I'm much more relaxed about taking a punt on something!

Postponing it further worries me as it leaves him unimmunised for even longer - the reason we decided to go for the 3-in-1 rather than wait for the single vaccines. And I know (DH keeps telling me!) that if I didn't do things when I was anxious, DS would be literally wrapped in a big duvet and huggled by me 24/7!

[Ledodgy]

Well my dr googles beat that and he isn't even very good at it. I google in the morning diagnose what is wrong myself go to dr who googles infront of me and tells me what is wrong with my children and what he can prescribe for them only i've found better sites etc and he's the one being paid 100 grand.

[ArrietyClock]

picturing you arriving at drs with eenormouse duvet with ds buried somewhere within...

The facts. Know what you mean (queen of the dangerous google here!). Perhaps find out when next availble appointment is and see if that sways you?

[Whizzz]

it was the same when I had DS, I was gobsmacked to be asked "Would you like a blood transfusion?" almost in the same breath as "would you like a cup of tea?".

I actually said "SHouldn't you be telling me I need one rather than asking if I'd like one?"

• I didn't have one by the way, although I did have a cup of tea

[jaz2]

Hell, if my Doctor googled in front of me then I would be apoplectic (Sp?). Must admit that I do google things in advance of going to the doctor so that I am prepared in terms of asking qustions. What did our parents do without the internet?!

[Sidge]

Jaz2 - why would you be apopleptic? Some things are worth Googling. I am a practice nurse and often Google the most recent updates for malarial prophylaxis as it changes frequently.

I would rather see a GP that admitted his knowledge deficiencies and Googled something rather than doing nothing. And we do have access to various health professional-only sites at work, not just Google.

[jaz2]

Sidge - I guess it is the manner in which the health professional googles that makes the difference!

If the doctor/nurse seemed reasonably informed in the first instance, and gave me a "preliminary" view as to the problem and then commented that (s)he just wanted to check their diagnosis/treatment for the avoidance of doubt/for the latest info, then I would have no problem at all (and think more highly of them for checking).

However, if the doctor was uncommunicative/generally failed to instill some degree of confidence in the first instance, and just faced his PC and googled, then I would be pretty pissed off.

[Sidge]

Ah fair enough, that is just crap doctor/patient interaction!

Maybe he was bored and playing Solitaire?