To let my mum really get on my tits when she...

[staryeyed]

thinks she is always right and is so smug about her rightness that she draws me into a debate, which when I prove Im right she just dismisses it and says "oh well doesn't matter does it."

Im not usually a person that gets into debates about things unless I feel very strongly about something. However, my Mum always tries to suck me in just to boost her own esteem. She'll say something which quite often I don't agree with. Usually I let it wash over but she always tries to draw me in. I today I foolishly said that I didn't agree. She put the smuggest most self righteous face on and then the most patronising, condescending face at my reply. Its taken years of self discipline to learn not to be drawn into these so called "debates" because she turns my stomach and riles something form deep within when she looks at me like I'm stupid. The thing is she has some really warped ideas of the world based on a very shakey evidence so she'll say something like "I think this" and back it up with "because my friend told em this happened to her"- basically making sweeping generalisations based on the evidence of one person, throwing around words like always and everybody. Why is she on a quest for rightness about things that aren't at all important?

So AIBU?

[MrsTittleMouse]

No YANBU. My grandmother is like that too. Just be proud of yourself that you've trained yourself out of the pattern that she set for you. And then come and rant on MN.

[Tommy]

that's Mums for you.....

(god - I hope I don't turn out like that - my Mum is always "right" )

[stuffitllama]

people who do this are so difficult to enjoy being with, it's such a shame
can you say
"yes you're right about everything" as soon as she starts, everytime, will she get the message.

[Bouncingturtle]

My mum sometimes really pisses me off as well, when she comes out with her bigotry.
Like when there was the plane crash at Heathrow airport.
Mum -"Oh well the pilot was probably not British".
Me - " Err what's his nationality got to do with it? They all do the same training regardless of nationality?"

The best one ever was yesterday.

Me " Going to a slingmeet, so see if I can get help using the sling"

Mum (in a snide tone) "Oh we don't ever see people wearing babies in slings around here, I've only ever seen black people use them".
I don't even know where to begin to explain what is so wrong with that statement

I just have to face the fact that my mother is, unfortunately, institutionally racist, and no longer waste my breath correcting her.

Hope she can be civil to the lovely lady vicar I have asked to Christen my ds, who just happens to be African American...

[JingleyJen]

Bouncing Turtle, my mum is so very fattist.. she pulls me in when she says things like,
that girl on the Hugh Fernley whittingstall programme couldn't have been that poor because she was so fat

I wish I could let it wash over me but she is WRONG should I really let it go?

[Bouncingturtle]

Oh she does that as well, Jen...
She used to make me feel awful when I was a kid because I was overweight.

[franke]

Instead of getting drawn into the debate, why don't you just ask her why she always has to be right about things that simply aren't important? Tell her with a big smile on your face that you find this aspect of her personality really funny and rather odd. You never know, it might just stop her....for 5 mins

I do sympathise, I really do and in many ways I could have written your post on more than one occasion, but you need to try to stop allowing it to matter to you so much otherwise you'll be pissed off with her for the rest of your life.

[themoon66]

My mum comes out with the same gems staryeyed, plus some other ridiculous things like 'there is no point in reading novels because it is all lies, made up lies'.

I do feel my blood pressure rising when she ridicules almost everything some days, from fat people to foreigners. I find the best way is to just smile at her, shake my head and say 'oooh you are getting funny in our old age, hope I don't take after you'.

[staryeyed]

My mum is always sizest Jingleyjen she said the other day "I don't know why but when I see fat people I automatically assume they are stupid" I mean what a ridiculous thing to say. I just ignored it but her argument probably would have been that someone she knows is fat and she isn't so bright.

[RosaIsRed]

My mum likes to believe every word she reads in the Daily Mail. We had a humdinger of a row over Christmas, when she tried to trump me with 'well I know better because I've been reading newspapers for longer than you.' Well, yes, but then I have been a journalist for 20 years, so why can't she ever accept that I might know something about how stories are put together?

[JingleyJen]

staryeyed, I would love mum to say something like that to me.. I laughed out loud when I read it and I hope I would be able to laugh at mum and tell her how ridiculous the thought is.

[Flibbertyjibbet]

Do what I do when my not-as-intelligent-as-he-thinks-he-is FIL is making completely unsubstantiated sweeping statements about everyone oop north (where he has lived for 40yrs fgs).
I used to have lively discussions but he said I was argumentative! It would go on forever as he would keep changing tack and backtracking, getting more and more wound up and shouting at me.... idiot.

So now I wind him up even more by smiling sweetly and saying, all wide eyed
'You know I never thought if it that way - you are absolutely right again!'

For some reason it feels much better to end all his 'discussions' on my terms, even if it does mean that he really thinks that I now always bow to his superior knowledge...