or is she?

[emkana]

A mum I'm friendly with, but not very close friends, has started to turn up every Tuesday at around 7 pm because she has half an hour to kill between her fitness class finishing and her dd finishing Brownies, and I live nearby (she lives very close to both those activities, too). Today dh opened the door to her and I didn't even go downstairs, just shouted hello from upstairs becasue at this time of the day I'm in the middle of doing bathtime/stories etc. She seems to feel though that I could accommodate her and invite her in for htat time. So should I?

[LIZS]

is there no cafe nearby ? yanbu

[avenanap]

Hmm, this is a tough one. Do you think that she just wants somewhere to go or do you think that she's lonely and enjoys your company? I would probably tell her that it's not convenient that she comes this late because you're busy with the children and you can not stop to chat. I would invite her round another time, if she accepts, then you know that she's not just using your house as somewhere to go before collecting her daughter. I'd say 7pm was a bit late to go visiting.

[pirategirl]

so what happened tonight, di she go again? seeing as you were busy, she might have got the message it was incovenient?

[Tortington]

nothing worse than small talk

tell her you have the bubonic or something

[Twigy]

Just dont answer the door! She will get the message ater a while. Bit harsh but its that or confront her.

[RubySlippers]

i would never do anything like this

the hours between 6 - 7 are bath and bedtime and not a time for visitors

YANBU

[JoanCrawford]

If she didn't have children I could see how she wouldn't understand how frantic 7pm can be. But she does for heavens sake. Does she not remember what it was like or is she abit too self absorbed to care?

I would tell her it's not convenient.

And you are definitely NBU!

[Wallace]

She could come up and give you a hand with bedtime


I would feel exactly like you do btw, but thinking form her point of view: If she goes home will she have to muck in with getting kids to bed, tidying up, and then go out again for her dd. But if she comes to yours she gets more of a break?

[emkana]

She only has the one dd.

There is a pub just across the road, if I wasn her I would go in there.

[cinnamontam]

YANBU - I don't even call friends with kids at that time of night let alone turn up on their doorstep

[Wallace]

In that case she really shouldn't be coming to yours. Now if it was me I would do anything to avoid going back when dh was supposed to be doing bedtimes

[UniversallyChallenged]

is she mad? she has half an hour in which to read a paper/ eat a bar of choc /listen to music in her car and she decides to pop in on someone?

oh for 30 mins of peace ..............

[LyraSilvertongue]

YANBU but it's really hard to tell someone they're not welcome. You'll have to tell her or just put up with it.

[PuppyMonkey]

Lock door and hide behind the sofa!

That's what me mam used to do when the insurance man came round...

[lottiejenkins]

The pub sounds like a grand idea to me!! Hic!!!

[Divastrop]

lol puppymonkey-we all used to hide from the insurance man too

i would just say'you are welcome to vist but could you make sure its not after as i am too busy to chat then'.

[Bangandthedirtisgone]

YANBU

[squimlet]

well if she turns up insist she helps you out in every way. there are two outcomes

1. she mucks in and helps out - great you get a hand
2. she is not keen and gets the message that if she calls round she has to help out - great she leaves you alone.

worth a try

[frecklyspeckly]

YANBU this is what a sane person would class as an inconvenient and disruptive time!! argh i do love my friends/aquaintances but they are for times such as, you know, 10.30am if i am not in work, or 2pm at a mutually convenient time for a coffee and a gossip. I thought everyones evening with kids was;

1] wrestle children upstairs, whilst having older one talk nonstop about Ben 10 and liitle one try and mess on top stair...

2] scream at dp if present to do his sodding bit

3]Get ignored by dP who has developed temporary hearing problem

4]Get drenched by lukewarm soapy water and smeared with toothpaste in a tangle of little arms and small bottoms with pants around ankles...

5]Some how find pjs still soggy from repition of step 4 from the AM shift, wrestle them onto preferably correct size child

6] play musical beds for 30mins then read a
Mr Man story no-one except the cat listens to, and thats out of pity, find middle pages missing so you have to improvise, skip a bit cos that Hargreaves man can really waffle!

7]try and get correct child into correct bed
this takes several attempts until every one has been kissed by little one including some photos and cuddly toys...

8] shut doors and switch lights off on still taking children whilst backing down stairs

9] tell dp he does NOTHING and if it hadnt been for raising HIS kids you could have been an astronaut or something

10] get on couch with HIS Dairy Milk, fall asleep dribbling and jump to at 9pm to go on mumsnet to try and get some form of communication from someone who may understand.

Now where oh where would some vague friend fit into that routine?

[Limara]

frecklyspeckly, love the list so true

[emkana]

tbh I wouldn't even want her to help, dh and I do it together anyway and we have a system that works and it's family time.

[RosaRosa]

Aaarrgh, horrendous! I would hate that! I agree, spend 30 mins listening to the radio or read a book. WHY would anyone go round to someone's house who has kids at that time???? Deffo, hide and don't answer the door!

[edam]

freckly, that is brilliant!