To expect a cheery greeting from my son's nursery on his first morning back?

[ThreeBluecubs]

Please let me vent here before I burn my bridges with his nursery .

They are the nursery section of a very highly regarded private school. They are also utterly utterly lacking in the sort of personal interaction I would expect for this aged child.

I chose the nursery because it was the best of a bad bunch - the others were either out of the question for DS1's school pick up or I had health and safety issues with them.

DS2 is a very sweet little boy who needs to be drawn out of his shell a bit. He went back after summer break and had a scant 'hello X, did you have a nice summer?'. I could see from the outside that after I left they left him alone while they (the staff) grouped together for a chat.

Today I got a 'hello' as they answered the door but he wasn't even greeted. I eventually went up to the head of nursery who again greeted us with 'hello'. I said rather pointedly 'This is X's first morning back' and managed to get a 'did you have a good morning x' out of her.

Luckily there is one lady who is excellent with him (and who I smuggled wine to at Christmas and thanked her for going the extra mile) but without her we'd be really stuffed.

For goodness sake, he's just 4, he's shy, he didn't settle well, he's been away for three weeks for Christmas, it's his first morning back - pull your collective fingers out.

[ThreeBluecubs]

Sorry, that should read 'did you have a good Christmas X'

[hertsnessex]

yabu. it sounds as though there are bigger issues here than them saying good morning to him.

[ThreeBluecubs]

How do you mean?

[happystory]

I'm sorry but it's the staff's job to be cheery.It doesn't take much and can make all the diffrence to a child arriving, especially after a holiday gap.

No excuse.Miserable sods.

[ScarlettOHairy]

I don't think you're being unreasonable to expect them to greet your ds EVERY morning, nevermind the first day back. Sounds very strange to me.

[sweetnessandlight]

What a miserable bunch. Some people would just put up with it, grateful that they had a place at the school. Good for you for making a point.

[MaryAnnSingleton]

poor boy and poor you - I used to take my friend's dd to her nursery until very recently and was so impressed by how ev ery child was greeted effusively by name,with often a question,ie what's that in your book bag - they seemed to take a great interest in being welcoming - and this isn't a private nursery.

[Lazylou]

IMO YANBU. Regardless of the child's settling issues or personality traits, I think it is highly unporfessional of nursery staff to not at least give each child an enthusiastic welcome when they attend nursery. If you then add the 'issues' that your DS has had with the whole settling thing, they should be aware of this and making a little bit more effort to welcome him back.

[ThreeBluecubs]

It's not just the saying 'good morning' that I have issue with - maybe I worded my post clumsily. I have issue with a shy little boy not being welcomed on his first morning back when he is feeling a bit scared. We get there later than everyone else (as agreed with them in advance) so it isn't as though there are 30 children to greet at the same time.

Surely if a child is looking a bit lost in a nursery when others are playing, an adult should sweep them into a playing group to make things easier for them?

[anynamewilldo]

tbh, i didnt even see my ds nursery teacher when they went back yesterday morning. All the children line up in the school playground, and one member of the nursery staff come out to take the children in.

[Lazylou]

TBC that was the way I was trained, as you say to integrate those children who looked a little unsure or scared. Maybe not sweep them into a playing group, but definately to approach them and to attempt to integrate them in some way.

[ThreeBluecubs]

My rather defensive post above was in response to Hertsnessex's post, not the rest of you, but it took me rather a long time to write as I was being chewed alive by DS3 at the time!

[Saturn74]

Every child should be greeted and helped to settle in - not just on the first day back, but everyday.

It's not rocket science is it?

Would be looking elsewhere - as if the staff can't be bothered with the children when the parents are there, why would they be any better when the parents have left?

And if it is "the best of a bad bunch", why not look into the possibility of a childminder instead. The more homely atmosphere may help to draw him out of his shell.

[ThreeBluecubs]

Anynamewilldo (what a fab name by the way) - probably the same nursery then!

[yetanothername]

They sound miserable. At ds's nursery one member of staff stands at the door and greets the kids by name as they come in and when they are choosing their first activity (get their name and piccy of activity and stick it on the wall) there is chatter from the other member of staff to the kids.

It's the nursery of a school with a bad ofsted with regards to education, but the staff are very caring and that's important at this age.

[mumzyof2]

I think thats really sad!
The nursery my ds goes to is fantastic, its only cheap, the all the women who run it are fantastic. They pay more attention to the chidren when we get there, than the adults! And one day I stood by the door looking in after I had dropped ds off, and the lady who runs it, saw my ds hanging around, looking lost, and she dropped all her jobs, and went off to play with him. It was first thing in the morning, she probably had tons to do.
Its very important to make the children feel welcome there. If they dont, they wont want to go, especially if the child is slightly shy etc. Do you know if the staff interact enough with ds after you've gone? Have you asked him if they ever play with him, or are they left to their own devices?

[ThreeBluecubs]

HumphreyCushion - I have thought about it, but I'm not sure what's best for him. There are only two short terms left and two other children there are going to his new school next year, so I hope that will be of benefit.

I think they make less effort with us because they know we are leaving next year to go to the very good state primary that they are in competition with (they loose people to the state school, which doesn't go down well, as you can imagine). What they probably haven't taken into account is that we were seriously considering the senior school for the boys when they are at that stage. Our nursery experience has really soured our opinion of the school though.

[ThreeBluecubs]

Gah - I'm going now. All these stories about lovely nurseries are making me even crosser about DS2's! Thanks for your thoughts all.

[blueshoes]

ThreeBluecubs, that is not right - both on the lack of greeting front and the failure to make a shy child feel more comfortable.

Is there any way you can give feedback to the school? It could just be a staff training thing, and it is important to know the head's view on this. But if you are greeted by apathy at the highest level, then I think that is a red flag and you might have to make alternative plans (at least for reception upwards) and count this as a lucky escape.

[happystory]

Am cross for you. They shouldn't make 'less effort' with anyone- for any reason. Part of working with children is putting on a cheery positive front.

TBH it would make me query the ethos of the senior school too

[hertsnessex]

threebluecubs, no need to get defensive you asked a question - i answered it.

[ThreeBluecubs]

hertsnessex - I was just wondering why you felt I was being unreasonable, that's all [question asked in non-defensive way emoticon].

[ThreeBluecubs]

Blueshoes - he's not staying for reception anyhow (prob part of the problem, as they know that). I think I might take it higher but both junior and senior school headmasters have resigned (worrying in itself!) and I wouldn't trust her not to take it out on DS2, so will wait until he has left in July and then write/meet with headmaster.

[blueshoes]

ThreeBluecubs, just read you are leaving for the state primary anyway.

My dd is also at the nursery of a private school which has both a junior and senior section.

I am sure the school is aware as can be about the competition faced by the good state schools come Reception. In fact, there can be quite a big exodus at Reception for nursery children that get into the good state schools. That is a fact of life. If the school holds that against your son, then that is being rather personal and frankly childish. It would seem like they take the attitude that you need them more than they need you and exploit that at the expense of ds, the student they should be nurturing.

My dd's school falls over backwards for the nursery children because of the competition. I could not fault them on the number of activities, meet the parents sessions organised. In fact, even if dd gets into the State school, I am still seriously considering keeping her where she is for this reason.

BTW, how do you (and the school) know that your ds is going to the state primary for sure in September? AFAIK, the closing date for applications is end Jan and you will only know the result in May?