...to expect to be told by DH he is going home for new year?

[MuthaHoHoHubbard]

Found out that DH is returning home for New year via a message left on my answermachine from a holiday company.

He is leaving on the 30th of Dec and not returning till the 12th Jan. During his period our ds turns 13.

I think this is the final straw for me and I am seriously considering changing the locks whilst he is away.

Oh and when I say home, I mean Cape Town, South Africa.

[YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice]

Why? And why alone? have you asked him about it?

[themoon66]

How very odd.

[MuthaHoHoHubbard]

this is just yet another thing we don't talk about. in fact we don't talk at all and i am seriously considering asking for a divorce in the new year.

there has been no mention of this whatsoever, the first I heard was the message. i asked him when he was going and he told me the dates. he's going on his own so he can visit family.

i asked him if he'll be coming back - to which he replied unfortunately for me, yes.

[bubblerock]

Crikey - sounds like you'd both be better out of it

[camillathechicken]

soudns like neither of you want to be in the marriage

sorry to hear that though

[MuthaHoHoHubbard]

tbh, i think you are right chicken.

it's just taking that first step.....especially with two dc's.

[camillathechicken]

do you think that having reached crisis point, some mediation or counselling could be a benefit?

[MuthaHoHoHubbard]

he is not someone who would be willing to discuss problems with a stranger. and to be fair, i think it's gone way past that point now.

things have been bad for the past 12 months at least. this time last year I was trying my best to keep things together and make it work but i know now deep down that it's over.

found out he also borrowed money against the mortgage without my knowledge about four or five months ago to pay off his credit card.

writing all this down makes me realise it's over between us as a couple.

[camillathechicken]

oh dear end of the road then,

hope you can work things out as amicably and swiftly as possible

[WewishyouaBUMPERLICIOUS]

Sorry things have become so awful for you. Does a divorce feel like the right decision for you?

[SSStollenzeit]

This doesn't sound good. Maybe the two weeks he is away will be a time you can use to examine how you feel about life without him. Do you think he is using this trip to look into returning to South Africa to live?

Hope things work out the best way possible for you - although I don't know what that will be.