In thinking a grown man...

[lou33]

Should be able to make his way home from surrey to london at 5pm?

I have a friend who has done me some favours in the past, with babysitting etc, and in return i let him kip on my sofa on friday nights, most weekends, and often saturdays as well, so he can go to the pub and see his mates (he used to live round here but is now in london).

This is often inconvenient, sometimes to my advantage, if i want to go away overnight for example, but it's somehow crept up to happening every weekend on fridays and saturdays.

Now he isnt really any trouble, it's just i am starting to feel like i would like my house back at weekends, as i have been really down recently and not in the mood for company every weekend,plus sometimes i need to sofa for other people who i DO want to see, because i dont get the chance to as often.

Anyway the weekend just gone i told him he wasnt able to stay, and he didnt make a fuss, but while i was telling him , he asked if he could stay here overnight tomorrow night as he had a works do. I said yes to this, assuming that as he said he needed to stay overnight it was an evening thing. However he just sent me a text telling me it will be over by 5pm, which means he will be here not just overnight but late afternoon and evening too.

I dont understand why he wouldnt be able to leave his van at work and get a train to and from here so he can go home. Is it mean of me?

Obviously now it's too late for me to say no, it will mess his thing up, but i feel a bit annoyed by it all, despite me saying i should just appreciate what he has done for me on and off and reciprocate the favour.

AIBU to feel fed up about this?

[jingleboo]

YANBU at all, it's your home and he's using it as a free hotel! Would never dream of staying at a friend's house so regularly when i hadn't even come to see them, no matter how well i knew them.

However it's up to you to say no, i'm sure if you explain that you feel you need your own space back he will be fine about it - saying nothing and letting the resentment build up will only damage your friendship.

It's not like he won't be able to go out ever again, and he can always stay in a travelodge! Hope you get it sorted out!

[OhComeLetUsADiorHim]

YANBU, but it has become a pattern for him. You can gently wean him off it over a few weeks!

[jingleboo]

Also if you do someone a favour it should be with no expectation of getting anything back - it doesn't put the other person in your debt IMHO, although obviously it is nice if you do get a favour back, but a thank you should be enough!

[lou33]

well its good to hear im not just being selfish

i do feel under pressure to have him here evry weekend, especially from dd1, as she gets along iwth him really well and goes to work on sats sometimes with him to earn a few extra quid

BUT i have said before and i will have to say again, that he needs to dostance himself a bit from us, as she is becoming too attached to him i think and vice versa

i was really annoyed the otehr day to find he had taken her xmas shopping and bouthg her an £80 phone ffs

she had a perfectly decent phone i bought her a while ago, but had confiscated on account of her not taking care of it, and they return home for me to find out he had just bought it for her without even checking it was ok!

what IF i was getting her one for xmas for example? I did have to say to him it was not really on to be doing that without asking, and spending that amount of money on her, even tho it was done with good intentions

[SantaBabyBeenAnAwfulGoodGirl]

u crazy lou i dont even let my own kids stay here that often

[lou33]

im particularly cross about today tho

i now feel that because he didnt stay here this weekend he has just substituted it for tonight

he really could have gone home to london if it finishes at 5 ffs

[minouminou]

do you think he wants a relationship with you?

[YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice]

How old's your daughter? How old is this bloke? Nothing happening there is there?

[cestlavie]

Ditto minouminou..

[madamez]

Seconding Hekate - I think it may be more than your sofa that keeps him coming back. If your DD is over 18 then nothing to worry about, if your DD is 14-18 then I think it's possible that you need to have a little friendly mother-duaghter chat at some point...

[lou33]

no absolutely nothing going on i am 100% sure of that

i think it's because she doesnt see her dad very often, and he was with his partner for 9 yrs, who had 2 kids, and now they split he doesnt see them, and they were like his own kids to him, so he likes being about my lot

i dnt know why i keep saying tonight, it's tomorrow, i keep thinking today is thursday