AIBU - I'm worried about the boy that bullies my son. what should I do?

[PersephoneSnowballSnape]

my ds1 is 9, sparky, imaginative, has a different accent to his classmates,is polite, thoughtful and has plenty of friends like him in P6 who adore playing knights and castles or pokemon. they're all nicely brought up little boys. he has good friends

however he's always had an arch-nemesis 'child A' who is footbally, loud, gets into trouble a lot. i generally tell him to keep away from kid a. they have a volatile relationship. they're a bit chalk and cheese. his mum gives the impression of being just liek child a - a bit loud/brash and I try to avoid her.

recently ds1 has started to tell me that child A is making comments which i would deem to be sexually inappropriate for a 9 year old. I'm quite factual about sex with my kids and try to underline that there is an emotional involvement, there should be a level of maturity before people consider sexual relationships. child a sings songs about shagging, describes fellatio, talks about women 'bouncing up and down' on men etc. i'm kind of worried that something has happened to child a, or they've seen something inappropriate - or he could have just accessed his parents porn stash.

child A bullies a lot of children in P6. he got told off today and told to write a letter of apology to everyone in his year he has bullied. (there are younger children being bullied too) I'm concerned that the reason for the bullying is tied into the sexual inappropriateness - but i don't now if i'm being a bit precious or looking for
excuses.

what do you think? should i go and see the head teacher? or are other nine year old boys shag-obsessed and mine are sheltered?

[catsmother]

Like you, by the time my son was 9 I'd talked about bodies and sex in a very straightforward and factual way ..... but certainly hadn't mentioned fellatio (though would have explained if asked). Obviously I don't know what went on at school but thinking back he was more likely to snigger about "poo" and "boobies" or "knickers" at that age rather than sex per se.

For your own peace of mind I would speak to the school. You'd be quite "normal" to be doing this anyway in view of your own son being bullied and can make them aware of what's apparently been said at the same time. The school are in a good position (you'd hope) to monitor this and take action as appropriate.

[seeker]

I don't see any harm in having a word with the head teacher - the school may be aware already, but if they aren't they should be - if only because other children will be upset by this sort of talk. And it is JUSt possible that it's indicating something more sinister, in which case, the more evidence the school has the better.

As a smal aside - it makes me a bit sad to see "footbally" used as a negative. Lots of boys love football, and it's really not an indicator of bad behaviour. Sorry - but I just couldn't let it pass.

[BoysAreLikeReindeer]

I had something recently similar to this.

School said they need to know of any incident where inappropriate language/behaviour occurs because they might be looking at the interests of the child who is doing the bullying.

So please do speak to teacher/ head.

Hope that makes sense

[mysonsmummy]

wow he knows more that me. im a 37 year old i thought experienced mum but could someone tell me what 'fellatio' means.

my ds 6 is a quiet, shy, calm child who adores football as well.

[PersephoneSnowballSnape]

yeah, sorry, the wee boy didn't say 'fellatio' (I'd be worryingly impressed if he did...) he rattles on about 'sucking my dick' but he might just have overheard someone saying 'cocksucker'

sorry, seeker - i know it's not a negative in itself, it has negative connotations sometimes here in Glasgow.

it's funny because you think 'that little shit is bullying my precious baby! I have to cause him intense pain!' but then you think about it a bit more - theres generally a reason for the bullying...

[Blandmum]

Contact the school.

While it is normal for children to be interested in the concept of sex, it isn't really that normal to have that much information, and to use the information in the way he is.

[PersephoneSnowballSnape]

phoned the school. got the head teacher, a lovely lady in her late 50's. had to say 'blow job' to the head teacher. I am still blushing.

I did make the point that i didn't think that he was being abused, but that it was rather inappropriate. head will talk to child A. I apologised for involving her, but she did say that it's probably one of the less vile things she has to do today!

thanks for all of your comments btw - nice to know i wasn't being precious!

[Anchovy]

PSS - I think you sound far from precious - I think you sound genuinely thoughtful and extremely kind.