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AIBU?

To expect DH to be around next week when DD starts school..

90 replies

MillieMummy · 31/08/2007 08:31

I've spent all summer 'reminding' dh of the date of dd's first week at school. She starts on Tuesday and does half days for the first week. Just spoke to him and he 'may' be able to go into work late on Tues - but that's it. I thought he would have a couple of half days or even take a day off to help/provide support. He has lots of annual leave left and has a fairly flexible boss. AIBU to expect him to around given ?

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3sEnough · 31/08/2007 08:34

Sorry but yes - YABU. I wouldn't have dreamed of asking dh to be around - you are there already, great. How about asking him to come home a bit early on Friday so that he's there for the end of the first week (if you're determined!)

Anna8888 · 31/08/2007 08:36

What's the issue? Do you need him to provide childcare in the afternoon while you are at work?

oops · 31/08/2007 08:37

Message withdrawn

DaisyMOO · 31/08/2007 08:38

Eh? Am I missing something? Why do you need him around? Is it because you're at work yourself or have other children to look after? I can understand it might be nice for him to see dd off on her first day but I can't imagine she's going to mind one way or another. OTOH if he'd already agreed to do it and is now changing his mind I'd probably be a bit pissed off, but I'm struggling to see why it's a big deal, sorry.

lisad123 · 31/08/2007 08:40

I can understand why you want him to be there. My DD starts school on weds next week, and im dreading it. DH has first day off anyway for a hospital appointment with me so worked out well, but i wouldnt have asked him to be there otherwise, other than to take her with me on her first morning.
lisa

paddingtonbear1 · 31/08/2007 08:40

not unreasonable to want him to go in late on the first day, but I wouldn't expect any more tbh. My dd starts school next Monday and dh will go in to work late, but I didn't insist - it was his choice. He's actually doing the dropoffs/pickups for the rest of the week as I'm starting a new job!

3sEnough · 31/08/2007 08:41

....I always found that my ds turned on the tears for my dh much more than for me...you may find it easier just being one of you.

saltire · 31/08/2007 08:42

Sorry, but I think YABU. DH was in Kosovo when Ds1 started school, and on exercise somewhere else when DS2 started, and they had no ill effects from their dad not being there.

OrmIrian · 31/08/2007 08:43

Yes. Unless you are not going to be there. DH took DD to school for her first day as I had found it really hard with DS#1. But he won't be this time - I'm tougher now and he's self-employed. Dreading Monday when DS#2 starts but I don't think having DH there is going to make it any easier.

MillieMummy · 31/08/2007 08:45

I have DS to look after too - he's 10 months. I'm on mat leave so the issue is not about needing him to be there - I guess I just thought that he would want to be around to give some support and join in with the adventure. DD can be quite sensitive and he knows that I am worried about how she will react (althouh I have not let her know this)and I want to be able to give her support/one to one time which will be hard with a 10 month at home. I think that it may be a case of bad communication - perhaps I should have requested directly some help rather than heavy hinting and hoping he would.

OP posts:

DaisyMOO · 31/08/2007 08:49

I think though that having two parents around can make it into a bigger deal and consequently make kids more anxious.

MillieMummy · 31/08/2007 08:52

I wasn't anticipating that we would both take her in - I will take her the first day whilst DH looks after DS at home, and then we could swap on the second day (or he could be there to pick her up). Thought it would be nice for us both to spend some 1:1 time with her in the afternoons.

OP posts:

ChippyMinton · 31/08/2007 08:55

YANBU. It is a big day and i would expect my DH to want to share it if at all possible.

tarantula · 31/08/2007 09:02

YANBU at all IMO Its a big day and if he has plenty of leave left then no reason at all why he shouldnt be there. I tbh would expect dp to be there if he could be and vice versa as in our case I'm the one working. Its not like hes away or there is a problem with him taking leave.

Blandmum · 31/08/2007 09:09

Do people usually take the day off for the first day in school?

I wouldn't have thought of asking tbh. We took lots of photos before the kids left for school and I took them in. And when they all got home, he was told all the news.

I think you are being a little unreasonable but I can understand your feelings of wanting him to be there.

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 09:13

YABU
It's not that big a deal, esp if you're there to take her.
Gosh now I've typed that I'm wondering what we'll do, one of us will have the morning off I suppose to take her but I certainly wouldn't expect both of us to do so.

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 09:14

When my ds started it was just me who took him.
It'll be jsut one of us when dd starts
I think it's a bit odd to expect both parents to be there tbh.

Anna8888 · 31/08/2007 09:17

If you are around and don't need the childcare, yes, YABU.

Don't make a mountain out of a molehill about starting school.

I had a thread about this, as I actually don't want my partner around next week when my daughter starts school.

aloha · 31/08/2007 09:17

But you didn't ask him! How was he supposed to know you wanted him to take time off work - it's really, honestly not the norm for this to happen if one parent is already at home.
If you wanted him to be at home the best way to achieve that was to say, could you book Monday off work (or come home after lunch) to pick dd up from school on her first day as I have planned a little tea party' or whatever.
Why not do it now, actually? If it really matters to you, say, can you come home early on Friday so we can all go out to tea.

mistressmiggins · 31/08/2007 09:21

I think you'll be fine by yourself - surely your DS will be in his buggy anyway so whats the issue dealing with DD?
I agree that DD may think its more of an issue if daddy is there.

I am going into work late next Tues cos DS starts 2nd yr & its a different playground at his school. Dont think theres anything wrong with feeling anxious for her or putting yourself out but does it really need both of you?

We're all nervous on 1st day but sure you'll do just fine with both children there.

mumeeee · 31/08/2007 10:39

I think yabu. My DH has always ben very supportive of my children takling time off to go to sports days and to atend various school performances, through out all of thier school lives. He has also taken time off to take dd1 and dd2 to university and college open days. But he did not take time off when any of the started school and I would not have expected him to.

ZoeC · 31/08/2007 10:44

Dh wasn't there when I took dd1 first time yesterday, wouldn't have occured to me really. I tend to keep to more important things if he is going to book time off - for instance, we have the chance to meet the teacher and have a chat about dd1 next week, sort of see how she is settling in etc. and I have asked if he'd like to come to that.

It was actually rather nice that he came from work and could be excited about asking her how it went, which wouldn't have been the same if he had been there.

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TellusMater · 31/08/2007 10:45

Dh and I both took ds to school on his first day. And we took dd with us too. He went into work a bit late.

He didn't take the whole day off though.

Surfermum · 31/08/2007 10:51

Dh will come with us if he's not working (self-employed), but if he has a job then it'll just be me. I wouldn't expect him to turn down work just to be there.

ghosty · 31/08/2007 10:52

DH went in late in the morning so that he could look after DD while I took DS to school.
I think it is a bit Overkill to expect him to take two days off ... My DH would have laughed his head off if I suggested he took days off ...
Sorry.

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