to expect my mother inlaw to accept our other son

[boysandtoria]

I have two DS 3 1/2 and 2 1/2. The older one is a complete drama queen, funny and chatty. My other son is at the moment going through test as he is on the Autistic spectrum, anyhoo he is lovely, loving and kissy. But doesn't talk,point, or communicate at all really. He and his brother fight as all boys etc do, but because he cant talk his way out of a fight he bites, or tries too. Anyway my mother inlaw will take the older one to hers to stay or out for a shopping trip but she makes no effort with the younger one blaming the fact she doesnt know what he wants. Now as grandparents they have only just started seeing the older one and having him to stay. But what do I tell the younger one if and when he asks y he cant go? Also the other day while she was here the boys were fighting, the older drama queen cried like he was being killed and nana ran to his ad, making a comment about meds needed to calm the younger one down. Gosh I flashed red so mad. The older one was not hurt or bittern. I tried to explain that the older one often picks on the younger oen and vice versa. Sorry to go on nearly done... so later that night she made a comment on the phone to my DH that the younger one should go into care to give the older one a break and that he should go on meds to make him less.... my feelings are I give both boys attendtion and yes some days it will seem I spend more time on one or the other, but I would never see any of them hurt each other, at the same time I want others to treat them the same. I dont know what I want from this post... maybe just to vent how upsetting it is too hear that someone thinks of my younger son as an animal or something thats need drugging or locking away. He is low on the spectrum and a lovelt child and the older one is just lovely too, why cant his own grandparents see this. why are they stuck in the 60's where if someone is different they should be locked away. Makes me cry and scream. Oh i am so upset.

[NAB3]

BITCH BITCH BITCH
sorry, but your MIL is a prize cow. Put your lovely son into care to give the older one a break??? Give her one more like.

[NAB3]

I just knew someone would say it is a generation thing, like it is an excuse. It may be a reason but things have moved on and it about time older people did too. I am so flipping mad.

[Iklboo]

Remind her they used to lock women up for expressing opinions as well. Then smack her upsidethe head. Your wee one is better off without someone like her

[ConnorTraceptive]

Oh bless you

My parents used to get these sorts of ridiculous, ignorant comments about my sister who is autistic all the time from my grandparents. It really is lack of education on their part (not that it's any excuse)

Your Dh needs to sit them down and explain how hurtful their behaviour is.

[boysandtoria]

I know its the age thing but honest he is no trouble, normally happily playing alone or just wants a cuddle. I am a very hands on mum we do painting, swimming and anything else that makes a mess. when the older one goes away for the night the younger one seems so much more relaxed, I take him to different places like jungle jungle the park swimming or to his fav shop. He loves the time with just us as does the older one when he is away for the night. it is upsetting I dont know why it just is.
Thank you for doing the job you do, my sons teachers are just lovely and always help me with hints to help him. They say both boys are very happy confident children, i hope so
x

[boysandtoria]

Thank you I do bite my lip when she says things like se does... grrr just want to tell her a few things but then the older one will loose his contact with them.

At the mo both boys are watching Pocoyo the younger one knows every word before they talk and the is bouncing around as the little boy does on TV, the older one laying happily on the largest ever beanbag. Happiness!! my house on the other hand is a mess after bubble painting... lol what would my mother inlaw say.

Maybe it is an age thing, but my parents are the same age and although they live abroad my dad has read books upon books about the subject and my mum use to be a head teacher and is totally cool with both kids visiting and staying.... real grandparents spending time as a big family.

Thank you all xxxx

P.s My MIL sent her kids to boarding school when she was at home only working 2 days a week and still they were in full board. need i say anymore. grrrr

[IdreamofClooney]

YANBU by any means

She has TWO grandsons and should start acting that way.

Your post made me angry that any adult could behave in that way to a child.

Can you get your husband to talk to her about it?

[Pennies]

What did your Dh say when she said this to him? I hope he put her straight sharpish.

[boysandtoria]

Hubby wont talk to his parents about it saying its just becoz their scared of upsetting him. Hubby does not have the relationship were he would sit down and talk about anything with his folks. Not really a family family, if that makes sense.

[michymama]

(((())))) u sound like a great mum !!!! ur MIL is being unreasonable not you and like you said, ur parents are being good grandparents so its not an age thing, just plain ignorance on MIL part, silly woman.

[andiem]

Your boys sound lovely. my mil is like this calling children with Down's mongols etc I think she needs a good slap. It is not good enough for old people to use their age as an excuse for behaviour like this.

Why don't you tell her they are a family and come together or not at all

[boysandtoria]

Hello all


Wanted to say thank you for all your comments. I do think that some people i.e my mother inlaw are scared of things or people that are different to what they consider normal grrrrr Both of my sons are just lovely and like other kids fight and drive me mad, and like other parents I will always do my best for them and I think at the moment that is to allow the older one to see his stupid grandparents as it stands now, until the time they either wish to see the younger one or the younger one beings to notice that his brother goes away. Some people wont ever wake upto how they act hurts people and my MIL is ones of those that really couldnt care.

Thanks all for your support, it really meant something to be able to vent and have your comments. At least I know I am not a bad DIL. thanks

xxx

[littleducks]

If dh wont speak to them, which does tend to be better then could you not approach the subject from how upsetting it is for your older son.... he is upset of the idea of sending his little brother away etc.

Then maybe your mil will listen to some of the things you have to say rather than shutting it all out.

[quint]

have you tried explaining how hurtful her comments are. Maybe give her a book to read so that she can get a better understanding. Also explain that the boys come as a package, you have one you have the other as and when he is old enough

good luck