to have a little DH rant! LONG

[LowFat]

Okay so DH is a brilliant daddy, and he looks after the DC's equally with me because he works 5am (gets up at 4.15am) -1pm and I work 1.30pm - 6.30pm. He also has to take me and pick me up from work as public tranapsort near us is pants. All this on top of his very physical job. So his sleep is important and hence our rediculously early, self-enforced bedtime of 9.30pm, to make sure we get enough (sleep ).

Therefore if the DC's wake in the night I see to them so he is not disturbed, as I sometimes get the chance to make up for it if DC's dont wake too early (a rare occurence though)

Every Tuesday he plays squash with friends and goes for a drink afterwards, usually getting in about 10.30pm - I quite enjoy these nights as I also get me time with a good film or book and one late night doesnt make to much difference - so I dont mind him going out at all and I go swimming on a Wednesday anyway.

But his friends all have 9-5 desk jobs and there DW are either SAHM or work and have childcare arrangements by someone else, so they dont have as much responsibility for thier children as DH does with his, in terms of afternoon entertainment, collection from pre-school and dinner time etc.

But lately DH has been getting home gone 11pm, and I am so cross that he doesnt stand up to his friends and say I am walking home now if you're not driving me, or on nights he is driving say I am going now, if you want a life you should drink up.

It's not like they dont know what he does as we are good friends as couples with thier wives too etc.

The last 2 nights have been crap for me as DS is teething and his crying has disturbed DD so I have been downstairs for long periods cuddling DS back to sleep after calpol, or running in and out of DD's bedroom trying to get her to go back to sleep.

His total lack of concern at his late nights feel like a bit of a slap to me because I would love him to help me in the night just once in a while so I am not down on my sleep.

Rant over - IABU but wanted to get it off my chest!

Thank you

[gordieracer]

I could understand if it were 12, 1am, and if it wwas a few nights a week, but half an hour, once a week, i think you are being a little bit unreasonable.
His friends wouldn't appriciate being had a strop at for staying that half an hour extra

[whiskeyandbeer]

agreed. especially on nights when he is being given a lift home.

[ChipButty]

Talk to him.

[gscrym]

I thought you were going to rant about your DH being short.

Yes I can be that dense.

[meandmyflyingmachine]

But he doesn't get up in the night with the children when he goes to bed at 9.30 either.

If this is about him not getting up at night, then that is the conversation you need to have. Not him coming home half an hour later than normal.

[Wisteria]

Half an hour? , surprised you notice it really - my advice would be to get a better book.
You sound overtired and a bit overwrought to me which is probably why it's preying on your mind.

Ask yourself if he would be bothered if you were half an hour late back from swimming, and if so, would you be bothered? because it would annoy me intensely.

[LowFat]

gscrym - PMSL
Actually he's quite tall!

Gordieracer - I know IABU, but it's gone 11, the last 3 weeks it has been between 11.15 and 11.45. Which gives him between 4.30 - 5 hours sleep before he has to start all over again, and as mentioned he's responsible for 2 children, aged 3 and 8 months. They need him to be awake and aware, not dozing on the sofa!

Not to mention his car journeys!

I know it's only 1 days a week, but his week is also a 6 day week, and Tuesday night is only 2 days in to it.

Just wish his friends were more considerate, but i guess it's a bloke thing. He doesnt want to come accross as a 'lightweight' and they wont think about it unless it's spellled out for them.

[LucyJones]

Hmmm... don't really see thw problem. He gest up at 4.15am every day so I don't really see why he should help out in the night tbh.
What happens at the weekends though? Do you have alternate lie ins?

[Meeely2]

if he can cope on that amount of sleep, let him! get yourself to bed early and make sure YOU are alert and awake.

[gordieracer]

I do see where you are coming from, but at the same time, sport is good for you, and he's the one who'll being tired looking after the children. Five hours isn't a lot, but if he's sleeping a lot other nights thats more that a lot of people get.

[gordieracer]

As far as his mates go, if i was one of his mates, i'd tell him to alwsays drive himself, and i'd make alternative arrangments. I can't see them loosing out on social time cause his partner thinks 5 hours isn't enough sleep, sorry

[Meeely2]

you are not his mother, let him make these choices himself - it's not affecting you in an adverse way, he still being the brilliant dad, so i would say no issue......

[LowFat]

Wow - are'nt you all (mostly) DH defenders

I guess I am ticked off that he is'nt taking care of himself when we have gone to so many other lengths to make sure he's alert enough for his job, the children and driving.

He knows I roll my eyes when he gets in late.
But if he works hard and the children are happy and safe with him then you're right it's his concern!

[LoveAngel]

Is the real issue that he doesn't get up in the night with your DCs? Could manage one night a week? Other than that, I don't see an enormous difference in him coming home at 1.30 or 11.30...

[LowFat]

LA - not an issue about him not getting up, I am happy to do this as I have a desk job and get an extr couple of hours in bed (if Im lucky) not to mention I'm not geting up every night (touch wood), and it's not about him going out, or about me not having a lie-in.

Is an issue that he is always saying he is tired so we have taken steps to make sure he gets enough sleep. And then he goes out and comes home at silly hours!

Still as pointed out in earlier posts, he's a big boy, and as long as he takes care of the children I should just let him get on with it!