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AIBU?

because I am p'ed off with DH thinking I shouldn't want to meet my new nephew

27 replies

bozza · 22/05/2007 14:53

My sister had a baby in the early hours. I want to take half a day's holiday tomorrow, go shopping for a present, then get the children at 3.30pm and take them over. I will take them their lunch boxes (a treat becaue DS has school dinners and DD go hers for her birthday this week) so as not to expect my sister/BIL to entertain us. It is 1.5 hour drive and we will stay 1-2 hours and then I will put the DC in their pjs and come home.

DH is coming out with "nobody will expect you to" - what has that got to do with anything, it's about what I want to do having OK'd it with my sister obviously. And "taking the children on a school night". They don't get a cousin every school night and I am not talking about being back late and we often go visiting family on Sundays and then do the pjs thing on the way home. "Most people will wait until the weekend" - I am not most people, I am her sister and will she really want her small house packed with extra people at the weekend?

And the final straw (given he is away from 5am to 8pm tomorrow going to watch golf at Wentworth) "I am not playing golf on Saturday" - which he normally does but he is playing at 11 on Sunday, and both children have different birthday parties on Saturday afternoon (DH had forgotten) and DD has her dancing on Saturday morning (which she missed last weekend because DH and I were out and will miss the weekend after because we are on holiday).

So I decided to do what I wanted to do without reference to him (other than informing him). AIBU?

OP posts:

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Flamesparrow · 22/05/2007 14:55

If your sister is genuinely ok with your DC being there for a couple of hours, then go and sod him

sniff · 22/05/2007 14:56

no I would go like a shot if my sister had a baby and she lives the same drive away

FWIW I think you are showing how much you love her and I bet she is loking forward to showing her baby to you I know I can never wait till my sister gets to me

hoxtonchick · 22/05/2007 14:56

he is being unreasonable. have a lovely visit.

Muminfife · 22/05/2007 14:57

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Message withdrawn

Marina · 22/05/2007 15:00

Could he be envious that he does not have this sort of close and loving relationship with siblings himself?
YANBU. Hope all three of you have a lovely time and that it pours down at 11am on Sunday - and all day tomorrow too

teafortwoandtwofortea · 22/05/2007 15:01

You are a lovely sister! If DH has such a problem with it perhaps he can pick the kids up and leave you free to go and to the visiting by yourself, that way you won't have to rush back and could help your sister out a bit? Your children can meet their new cousin properly in a few weeks.

maisemor · 22/05/2007 15:06

What Flamesparrow said. Hope you get some nice cuddles from your new nephew

LittleEgg · 22/05/2007 15:10

When I had DS, I was delighted to see my sis and 3 DC's when DS was only home from hospital a couple of days. Our house is teeny, but I was still pleased she brought all the children with her, and they were so cute with their new nephew. Have a lovely time with the little lad .

Manictigger · 22/05/2007 15:11

Yes teafortwo, that sounds like a good idea to me. I was wondering how to tactfully say 'do you think it's entirely fair expecting your sister (in her post-birth haze) to cope with two young excited children who are prob tired from school and bored from a 1.5 hour car journey?' but your idea sounds lovely and might be of real help to the sister.

kslatts · 22/05/2007 15:15

You are not being unreasonable, when I had my dd's I was really please that my sister came straight away to see us.

fireflyfairy2 · 22/05/2007 15:17

When I had both my kids I would have been furious if any of my 4 sisters had left it until the weekend to come & visit us!!

I had dd at 4.05pm and by 7pm all 4 of my sisters & 7 nieces & nephews had visited!!
But then that's the way we have always been in our family, others are different

bozza · 22/05/2007 15:27

I don't think it is jealousy marina because he has a sister and nephew of his own. FWIW if his sister had had a baby today I would be making exactly the same plans.

I don't think my children will be in the way TBH, because this is a second child, so the DC will provide a play mate for the big brother. If they are, I will let them stay for 20 mins or so and then take them round to my Mum with their packed teas!

Actually TBH I think I could go without the DC because I have childcare arranged for them both until 5.30 and will finish work at 11.45 (I start at 8) so could go earlier in the afternoon. But I thought DD would be upset about me going without her and then DS thinks he would be missing out. Maybe I should rethink?

I was thinking of maybe going on Sunday too (while DH is at golf) and seeing about taking DNephew out to the park with my two for a while and then maybe cadging tea at my MILs.

OP posts:

Elasticwoman · 22/05/2007 16:21

Bozza I think you are quite right to want to go. A new baby should be celebrated and a new mum should be supported and congratulated. My sil was very supportive when our dc were born, and she has no children. I appreciated her support. A new mum does not want to lie in her hospital bed thinking Does any one care?

I also think you are right to go after school and not make your dc miss school for this. It is worth a late night for them to see a newborn baby, their own cousin.

No bad thing for dh to learn you can make decisions without his input and do not need his permission. You can listen to his opinion but need not share it.

bozza · 22/05/2007 22:04

Thanks elasticmum. I have also got a home-made lasagne in the freezer which they could maybe use. I will be very careful not to outstay my welcome. I have talked to both children about it and they say that they want to go despite my emphasising that we will not be able to stay long. I have also tried to gently persuade DD that the baby might be a little bit too small for her maclaren triumph which she is determined to donate.

I do actually make lots of decisions without DH but he can be a bit stuck in his ways about certain things and school nights is one of them. But I intend to have both children (who may or may not have slept in the car) in their own beds by 8.30 at the latest. I was annoyed with him for being unhelpful about the weekend and just generally not excited about a new nephew.

OP posts:

margoandjerry · 22/05/2007 22:10

I'm surprised you haven't gone already

My sister was outside in the corridor while I was giving birth so yes, I think these things are for sisters to share. And your children will always remember the day they met their new cousin.

This is how happy extended families are made...sharing these lovely moments and being too excited for each other to wait for a more convenient time.

Muminfife · 22/05/2007 23:14

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agnesnitt · 22/05/2007 23:17

If the new mum is up for the company you should go and be merry.

Agnes

tigerschick · 22/05/2007 23:19

For goodness sake go!!! You say that you have cleared/will clear it with your sister so go. Your dcs will recover - it's half term in a few days anway - and it's so exciting to see such a new baby.

Hope you have a great trip

AlistairSim · 22/05/2007 23:47

Oh def go!

When I had dd, my big brother and sil had come straight from the airport and were outside the door! It was so lovely to see them so soon and for them to be a part of dd's life from the beginning.

bozza · 23/05/2007 08:40

Well the arrangements are in place. So we will be off. The children are very excited, DS has written the card and DD (who was 3 last week) has covered the envelope with kisses - her newfound skill.

OP posts:

sniff · 23/05/2007 08:41

I hope you all have a really nice day enjoy your nephew I am quite jealous I would love to be cuddling a new baby!!! (especially one who wasnt going to wake me in the night)

WK007 · 23/05/2007 08:49

Glad you're going - YANBU, I'm sure your sister will really appreciate it.

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IdrisTheDragon · 24/05/2007 09:27

Did you have a lovely time?

bozza · 24/05/2007 10:50

Oh yes thanks idris, he was gorgeous obviously. I had a nightmare journey over including a fire engine blocking the road so I had to turn round and find an alternative route. DS and DD both very taken with him. Nephew very excited to see my DC but they are having a bit of trouble with him (not unexpected when 2yo is presented with baby brother). He is excited but also tantrumming etc. We all had lasagne and I took cookies for the children and sticky buns for the adults. Sister made me change his outfit for photos - I am very rusty with such a small baby. She is very upbeat though, it was a relatively easy birth and she feels much more comfortable/is sleeping better.

OP posts:

compo · 24/05/2007 10:54

congratulations
Has your dh agreed now that it was a good plan?
If he's anything like my dh he will have decided it was his idea in the first place after it went so well

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