I've just had enough and really want to just get it all down on paper. I don't really want to end it all, I just don't want it to continue the way things are.
Let me try and explain, see if any of you can come up with a solution.
Firstly, I'm a single mum to ds (14) who has a severe disability and relies on me for everything. He has all the skills of a newborn baby and all the knowledge and stroppiness of a teenager, he does have limited speech which I have to give 100% of my attention to understand. His incontinence pads leak daily so the washing of clothes and bedsheets is endless. We do get a small allocation of hours for Carers from social services.
Secondly, I suffer with psoriatic arthritis, it is exhausting having an immune system disease, the fatigue and constant pain drives me up the wall. The methotrexate makes me feel drained, sick and weak.
Third, my housing situation will become a problem in a few years as and when ds leaves home. He may well decide he wants to live in a home with similar people of his own age, ( and why wouldn't he?) we currently are in a housing association bungalow all adapted for his needs, if he moves out I suspect I will have to as well, not having worked means no money, and no real way to save, his equipment costs a fortune.
I haven't worked since he was born, physio appointments, reviews, occupational therapy, washing, it all fills my day.
I'm also studying for a psychology degree, I hope to start a new career once he's gone (assuming he does move out), however I'm behind in the study, assignments are looming and they're not getting done as well as they should. I've still got at least 3 years to go, plus post grad training.
My partner is great, he doesn't live here but does stay sometimes. He however, struggles with anxiety and depression and has been hospitalised more than once for a few weeks at a time. I'm always concerned in case he has another crisis, I help him as much as I can but there's not a lot I can do.
My family is small and no help, dm is in in her 70's, dsis is 200 miles away. Ds father does visit and sometimes take him out, although anything more than a couple of hours once a week is a rarity. I feel like I've got no support, and am sinking. I'm not sure where to turn and really just wish I didn't exist or that it would all go away.
I do realise I am lucky to be in the UK though, the support we all get from the NHS and social services is amazing.
And I'm definitely not depressed, it's just a lot for one person to deal with. Well done if you got to the end, any suggestions?
Or maybe I'm just being moany and should get on with it
He's just got back from school, I'll be back later but it might be a while, he needs feeding and entertaining.
And I've probably totally outed myself - apologies to those who know me.
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AIBU?
To want it all to be over, but not in a depressed sort of way.
22 replies
MeByAnotherName · 20/01/2017 15:51
OP posts:
NavyandWhite ·
20/01/2017 15:54
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Areyoulocal ·
20/01/2017 19:17
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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