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AIBU?

To complain about this man?

41 replies

JungleInTheRumble · 20/01/2017 08:51

I was at a networking event yesterday evening and came across a very unpleasant man. On giving him my business card he swore and laughed in quite a nasty way about either my job title or my line of work (I wasn't quite sure). He was overly familiar, putting his arm around me at one point and quite frankly rude (I think he must have been drunk).

Would I be unreasonable to email the company he works for? He gave me his company business card so technically he was there as their representative...I was planning on emailing them but not giving the guys name, just a general feedback "brief your staff how to behave at a corporate networking event".

So...AIBU??

OP posts:

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rjay123 · 20/01/2017 08:57

Personally I'd do nothing.

What if he has quite a good 'network' of people, and he finds out it was you who raised a complaint about him. People will actively avoid you, knowing that you tell tales on them.

JungleInTheRumble · 20/01/2017 08:59

Valid point. He just really irritated me! He's not particularly senior and if his behaviour towards me was how he behaves towards everyone I can't see his network being very large though...

OP posts:

OlennasWimple · 20/01/2017 09:01

If I knew someone already who worked with him, I'd raise it. I wouldn't cold-email the company about it (frustrating as the incident was)

SkyLucy · 20/01/2017 09:03

Could you email the event organisers and let them know one of their delegates behaved inappropriately? You could ask to remain anonymous.

Isadora2007 · 20/01/2017 09:04

I would email the company and name and shame. Why the hell not?

It's extremely unprofessional behaviour and if I was his senior I would want to know. Why should he have been paid for last night to get drunk and abusive?

Lunalovepud · 20/01/2017 09:05

I guess it depends what you want to achieve.

How likely is it that your paths will cross again?

It's unlikely that you are the only person to have noticed his behaviour on this occasion and his colleagues are probably aware of it too if they have attended events like this with him. If you complain, it is unlikely that any serious action would be taken by his company, but they will definitely remember you and your company as the person who complained.

Some of people are just arseholes. I think that sometimes it's better to just suck it up for the time being and wait for an opportunity to present itself in the future. But then I worked in the city for years so that's probably why I am more about playing a game!

Hope you are ok.

Strongmummy · 20/01/2017 09:06

I might have had a word with him at the time. If he's a junior member of staff, then yes, I may email. If senior, then maybe not as I doubt the company would do anything

Bluntness100 · 20/01/2017 09:08

No, I wouldn't do this. You will meet rude people in all walks of life. You don't know what's going on in his personal life or his work life that may have caused his behaviour. It doesn't justify it, but sometimes you have to cut people a bit of slack and not be vengeful as it may have been out of character. Just avoid him in future.

Trills · 20/01/2017 09:18

Yes email.

It's unlikely that you are the only person to have noticed his behaviour on this occasion and his colleagues are probably aware of it too if they have attended events like this with him. If you complain, it is unlikely that any serious action would be taken by his company, but they will definitely remember you and your company as the person who complained.

Or maybe someone external mentioning it will make them realise that it really is a problem.

At the very least, if they get more than one email like this from separate people, they'll then have to start taking it seriously.

stoopido · 20/01/2017 09:18

No I wouldn't complain over this.

lovelearning · 20/01/2017 09:21

JungleInTheRumble, leave it. Networking is self-regulating. What goes around, comes around.

SomewhereOutThere · 20/01/2017 09:23

I've complained to organisers of networking events and conferences on a regular basis over the years about sexual harassment and/or bullying.
Write them an email, very factual. Who he was, what time it happened at, where you were both standing at the time (could be CCTV of the unwanted physical contact), and not minimising it nor being especially emotional.

If you were there representing a company then get your own company involved too, backing up your complaint. the more senior the person who complains, the better.

HerOtherHalf · 20/01/2017 09:24

I think whether you complain to his company or not is purely your personal choice and there is no right or wrong. I think it would be more beneficial for you to consider how you handled him at the time. Did you feel confident enough to deal with him and keep control of the situation or do you need to consider what you might have done differently to get a better outcome for yourself? We are all going to come across people in life who might be anything from rude to offensive and maybe even threatening. Being equipped with the skills to deal with such people at the time, rather than just complaining after, seems to me to be far more valuable.

SomewhereOutThere · 20/01/2017 09:26

Oh and use phrases like 'professional reputation'; intimating the reputation of the event, as well as the other company.

Seriously, you do not have to put up with this. Men don't, and we shouldn't have to either.

jojo2916 · 20/01/2017 09:29

I personally wouldn't complain at what you have described I'd just give him a wide berth in future not a reason to make a complaint IMO but then I wouldn't complain unless it was really serious as I think there's far too much of a complaining culture these days leading complaints about things that are serious to be dismissed or assumed exagerated, perhaps would have been better to say something to him at the time .

kippersandcurtains · 20/01/2017 09:34

I wouldn't. Not everyone is polite and well mannered sadly - and I have met many arses (male mostly) at similar events. Eye roll, grow thick skin and move on. In the industry I was in a complaint would have marked me more than him (yes I appreciate that shouldn't be the case) and besides, what do you want? An apology? For what? He was rude but not abusive.

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 20/01/2017 09:36

I wouldn't email his company, but I would contact the event organisers and make it clear that your details were not to be passed on. As PP have said mention the inappropriateness, the fact it was witnessed by other people (because it will have been, trust me) and that it could paint the event in a poor light - which would be a shame etc.

GoLightlyHollie · 20/01/2017 09:36

I wouldn't personally, much as I might want to. Think of the repercussions for yourself. No real upside. The business world is a small one, people talk.

Put it down to him just being a cnut and feel smug because you yourself are not one.

JungleInTheRumble · 20/01/2017 09:37

Somerville I think that's why it annoyed me so much - no way would he have behaved like this towards a man. I think he got confused by a young woman at a networking event and reverted back to behaving as if he was in a nightclub trying to pull...

As to what I could have done to handle it better? I'm not sure. To begin with I tried to gloss over his rudeness and do the standard chit chat you get at these kind of events. When he put his arm around me I tried to move away. When he persisted I made my excuses and left...

OP posts:

GeorgiePeachie · 20/01/2017 09:41

Speak out.

SomewhereOutThere · 20/01/2017 09:41

It's not for you to handle it better. I disagree with the PP that said that.

It's for him not to harass and bully.

itsmine · 20/01/2017 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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KateAdiesEarrings · 20/01/2017 09:49

I'm not sure what outcome you want. I doubt his company would decide to brief their staff on how to behave at events, and a non-specific complaint is pointless tbh. If he's confident in his behaviour, he won't think the complaint refers to him.
Also, he may have been attending in his own time and networking as an individual not a company representative.
Did you ask him why he laughed and swore? I would have challenged him at that point, and then moved on to network with someone else. Don't feel obliged to make chit chat with someone who makes you uncomfortable or is rude.

mambono5 · 20/01/2017 09:53

I too would have had a word with him at a time. I want to appear professional in these events, so I would deal with it immediately, not send a letter hours or days later. If I was his boss and receive such letter, I would deal with him, but I would also judge you very negatively.

I don't like physical contact, but I have seen men play-punching another man's arm, or even pat them on the back. (and they clearly cannot do the same to a woman, we are equal but in this case someone will remember they are female and claim assault) I did not see what happened, he might have just done the equivalent towards a woman. Not great, but not that big deal either.

mambono5 · 20/01/2017 09:53

how many men would make a complaint because another man laugh and swore?

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