To want to tell my elderly neighbour to be more quiet at night???

[Annie105]

I've got a 5 month old baby and I am exhausted!! My next door neighbour is a lovely lady but bloody inconsiderate or maybe just doesn't care that she makes noise in her flat all night long and keeps the baby and me awake.

She is in her late 60's and lives on her own with 3 cats. She has 3 grown up children and grandkids although they never seem to visit her.

We live in a terrace house and so does she but hers is converted into flats. this means her lounge bathroom and kitchen are the rooms right next to our bedroom and my babies nursery. Her lounge is the room which is next to our bedroom and we have put up with her loud TV all day and night for 2 years we even put up some sound insulation but it hasn't helped. It was a bad sleepless night last night for the baby he is now becoming more aware of the sounds she was up clattering dishes around her metal sink and banging cupboards from 3 to 4.30 which woke the baby then she put the radio on. The kitchen is next to the babies room.


You would think she would be a bit more considerate with her night time noise although saying that she doesn't care about day times as her radio goes on all day at the highest level! What annoys me is She knows it's his room as I've told her in the past. We also asked her to turn her TV down a bit when we first move in which she did but it's crept up again and until now I've used earplugs but it's the baby it's now impacting as I'm so tired and it can hear the noise. I've managed to get back to bed this morning while the baby naps and she has just turned her music up so loud. I'm
Just so fed up with the constant night time racket and now this!

Should I knock her door today and explain to her? She is nice but a bit odd and I think she will just ignore it as she seems like a complete insomniac. I used to feel sorry for her but now I feel sorry for us as we now are suffering!

[Trifleorbust]

Yes, ask her again.

[blueskyinmarch]

Since when was late 60’s elderly?

I think you need to go and speak to her about this. She probably doesn't realise how the sound carries. She may be slightly deaf and doesn’t understand how loud her radio/TV is?

[picklemepopcorn]

Does the baby cry at night? That was my worry when I lived in a semi, and it might be hard to ask her to pipe down if your baby is noisy at other times.

I don't think it's unreasonable to mention it to her. Maybe point out you know she isn't sleeping well because you can hear everything in your house? Is there any chance of swapping babies room to downstairs, if those neighbours are quieter?

[picklemepopcorn]

Baby's. Oops.

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

Hang rugs on the walls.

[Annie105]

True. I don't know why I called her elderly actually ash she is the same age as my mum! My mum lives in her own with a cat and would be mortified if she thought she was waking her neighbours up with unnecessary night time noise! I checked the deaf thing with her previously. She confirmed at the time she wasn't hard of hearing... I do need to go round don't I. I hate this! Don't want her to feel bad but I can't cope with the noise anymore!

[Imamouseduh]

I feel your pain. We had to move from our last flat because the insufficient soundproofing between floors made life a living hell. It didn't help that all my neighbours were night people and upstairs seemed to like to practise her bowling skills/move furniture/stand in her kitchen banging pots together/whatever the fuck the endless noise was in the early hours of the morning. The problem is that if you are quiet your neighbour probably doesn't realise how much noise travels because she doesn't hear you. Maybe go over and apologise for the baby crying or whatever and say 'well you know how noise travels because we can hear you all the time'. She just might not realise how much noise she is making.

Sympathies though. I got to the point where I woul get anxious before bed time because I knew I would be woken up soon by the noise.

[angeldelightedme]

People who live in glasshouses shouldn't throw stones. Do you think she never hears your baby? I vety much doubt it is her TV keeping your baby awake

[Annie105]

Pickle yes I had that worry so I'm always asking the neighbours if they hear the baby cry and they the ones on other side who have 4 kids always say they only hear him around 5pm now and again. This is when he has his little witching hour meltdown and I walk him round the house! He doesn't really cry at night plus her bedroom is on the other side of the room so she wouldn't hear it ... If she stayed in bed! Lol!

[frauleinsallybowles]

.

[Annie105]

Angel I've asked her before if she hears the baby by way of trying to hint to her about her noise by saying the walls are thin etc please let me know if you do. I probably should have bite the bullet then and mentioned her radio at night and TV. etc which she has had playing before baby came along. Last night she dropped what sounded like pans in the sink and yes they did wake the baby as I was awake having heard her TV go on and I was watching the monitor and hen the pans clattered into the sink he startled then started to cry then he couldn't get back to sleep as her radio came on really loud.. At 3am. He stared to cry at 5 after being awake for 2 hours so I took him to the kitchen and he slept there in his pram

[Annie105]

Thanks mouse. It's hard isn't it. I've always tried to be a good neighbour no matter how old (even in my young days I never threw a late night party!) and having a baby now I feel guilty in case the perception is we have a noise machine. That's good advice. In the summer the people who live across the street asked her to turn her radio down as she would play it all day from 5am... They moved!

[Manumission]

Maisonette conversions abutting intact houses ar a PITA. The sound insulation is always non-existent and to then have living rooms against bedrooms is madness.

I lived in a house like yours for six years with a self employed drum and bass fan next door who never turned anything down when asked so I do understand the problems, but I think you've tipped over into being a bit U.

The design/layout is the main problem, not your neighbour. She can't live in silence.

[Annie105]

Not asking her to live in silence no way!! Just to be a wee bit more mindful of having a TV and a radio on at a crazy level at 3am.. That's the main issue. The dishes we can deal with if she doesn't throw
Them in the sink like this morning! I know her downstairs neighbour asked before for it not to be played at night but they moved and it's a young guy who lives there now who travels away a lot.

[EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans]

I used to have a semi-nocturnal flatmate who was always pottering noisily round half the night. It just didn't seem to register with her that the noises would come through my closed door & wake me up.

I tried to be tolerant & polite for a while but when she decided to hoover at 3am I came flying out of my room & told her what I actually thought. The share didn't last long after that. In retrospect I should have raised the subject earlier and perhaps we could have worked something out.

I would speak to her sooner rather than later.

[shovetheholly]

Maybe get her a pair of wireless headphones that she can use to watch the TV?

I do NOT understand why many older people are so resistant to accepting that they have hearing loss. My FIL is the same - he clearly can't hear a thing, but absolutely refuses to go for a test. WHY? I'm deaf myself, and I find it really a bit offensive that he's perfectly prepared to have aids for his sight (glasses) but that getting help for his hearing is somehow totally different? Why???!

[vj32]

Move house.

[Crumbs1]

Can you swop rooms around so your bedroom is further away? Babies aren't usually bothered by noise too much. Many sleep better if there is some background noise. They sleep in hospitals, shopping centres and hotels after all. Issue is more you than baby, I fear.
In truth she can have the to on at whatever time she wants. Might be worth being direct but kind and discussing with her but I suspect not. You might have to find another solution like moving into a detached or more substantially built place.

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

From the volume of her TV, I would assume she has hearing loss.

Getting her to recognise that though...

[Manumission]

You shouldn't be able to hear her dishes clattering in the sink. It's none of your business if she dropped them, "threw" them, played castanets with them or gently placed them. She should be able to do whichever with her crockery unheard and you shouldn't be so sure you can tell which it is she is doing through a wall.

Can't you see that it is complete MADNESS that you think you know that she "threw her dishes down in the sink" this morning and that you think you're entitled to say what she does with her crockery?

It's all about the build and the echo. It's not her fault.

[Manumission]

We moved in the end BTW.

I don't think there's any other sensible answer with these echo boxes.

[SoupDragon]

Honestly, if you can hear her, she can hear you. Pretty much everyone would say "oh no, it's fine!" when asked if they can hear you. It's the neighbourly thing to do.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

I note too that other people have spoken to her about the noise she makes.

I would be contacting the Environmental Health department at your council offices. You need to keep a detailed diary and record of all incidents e.g. time of night, how long it goes on for, nature of disturbance.

[kaitlinktm]

I feel for you OP - having lived beneath people who did press-ups in armour every night. Speaking to her might not help, who knows, but doing nothing won't change anything either.

I would recommend those headphones for the TV though (for her obvs).

[Annie105]

I wish we could move but for financial reasons we can't. I don't think it's madness on my part. I'm not trying to tell her not to do her dishes etc all night I just need her to be a bit more mindful of having both the TV and the radio on for hours during the night. We spent quite a bit of money putting in sound insulation to the walls in both the bedrooms and putting down carpets with thick underlay secondary glazing to the windows too basically everything we could to try and keep our sound in/hers out. This was way before I was pregnant! Maybe she does have bad hearing after all and it is getting worse that probably a fair assumption shove. In going to be kind to her I'm never not kind to her I'm always giving her cakes and things I make so I think I can have a neighbourly chat