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AIBU?

To be offended by SiL's suggestion

110 replies

ChocolateDevil · 10/12/2016 14:56

My DH has rather a large family, but until this year there have been no children. Without going into detail the difference in earnings between Dh, I and one of his siblings is quite dramatic, they earn a substantial amount more than we do a year. Having said this the family are all aware of how sensible with money we are, we do not have any credit cards and have never taken out loans, we also have worked hard to save a nice but relatively small sum of money over the years. The other day the wife of said sibling suggested we limit spending on each other's children to no more than £15. I was stunned and a little annoyed that they want to limit what they spend on Dd to what we 'might' spend on their Dd. I don't expect them to go out and spend an absolute fortune on my child but I can't believe that they aren't prepared to put in a little bit of effort for their only niece. It's not the first time they have been slightly cagey about money and my Dh has suggested that maybe they are terrible at managing finances and are spending faster than they are earning, still he's just as peeved as I am at the mere suggestion of it. Am I being ungrateful?

OP posts:
Wilberforce42 · 10/12/2016 14:58

Yes

Ginmakesitallok · 10/12/2016 14:58

Yes

ChicRock · 10/12/2016 15:00

Yup.

MrsDustyBusty · 10/12/2016 15:01

I can't really see the problem. They're suggesting that everyone should have a limit of £15 for everyone. I can't see what's annoying you about that? You think they should have a limitless budget for your child but you should only spend a limited amount on theirs? Is that correct?

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 10/12/2016 15:02

Yes. £15 from aunties and uncles is a very sensible amount to spend no matter how much you earn especially for babies!

saoirse31 · 10/12/2016 15:02

Wow, you are so unreasonable and not very nice

YoullNeverWeeAlone · 10/12/2016 15:02

Am I supposed to guesstimate my siblings income and spend the same % of my income on them as they do on me?

Is that in total? I have 3 dc, dsis has none so do I spend all my allocation on her but she splits hers 4 ways?!?

Yes, YABU. But surely you know that?

Cynara · 10/12/2016 15:02

Afraid so.

Fairenuff · 10/12/2016 15:02

YABU

Just tell them to spend what they want and you will spend what you want. They are gifts, not contracts.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 10/12/2016 15:03

I really don't see the issue with this. £15 isn't an unreasonably small amount to spend on a child Confused

Allthewaves · 10/12/2016 15:03

So these children are babies?

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2016 15:03

Yes, I don't think you can complain that they are wealthier so should spend on your child. Maybe they thought they were being nice in terms of making sure the gifts were equal so you weren't embarrassed, or maybe they are struggling financially.

AmeliaJack · 10/12/2016 15:03

Yes YABU.

My siblings and I have a similar agreement and we could all afford more.

It's not about being mean it's about excessive consumerist spending at Christmas.

jelliebelly · 10/12/2016 15:03

YABU - and also very overinvested in who earns what

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 10/12/2016 15:04

I'm a little confused about there having been no children until this year - have you and your SIL had your first babies this year?

Anyway, my first thought was that knowing you're not as wealthy as them, they don't want you to overstretch yourselves buying for their child or to feel embarrassed if they spend a lot more on your child than they on theirs.

Being offended seems a bit of an overreaction.

MsColouring · 10/12/2016 15:04

You might end up being grateful for this. If they spent a lot of money on your dc now, you would feel obliged to spend similar amounts on their dc should they choose to have any in the future even if you can't afford it.

We have a similar budget for nieces and nephews in my family although there are a lot of us.

Temporaryname137 · 10/12/2016 15:04

I think you have made a rather large assumption here.

Without meaning to be harsh, just based on what you've said here, you sound rather jealous of their income, sorry.

SVJAA · 10/12/2016 15:04

I don't think it matters what someone's income is. If they make the effort to buy something for my child, I'm grateful and I appreciate it.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 10/12/2016 15:06

The spirit of Christmas lives on...

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 10/12/2016 15:06

feel embarrassed if they spend a lot more on your child than they on yours

Xmas Hmm

Arfarfanarf · 10/12/2016 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparkleMotions · 10/12/2016 15:09

Sorry but I think YABU OP, I don't see the problem with setting a budget, a lot of people do this! I'm assuming you wanted them to spend more on your DD than you would on their DD, if that's the case then it's quite ungrateful.. sorry!

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AyeAmarok · 10/12/2016 15:10

Reverse?

Got to be.

Otherwise YABU.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 10/12/2016 15:11

My sister and her future husband are minted and they bought my DS a birthday present that probably cost about £15. He absolutely loves it and plays with it everyday.

I'm just so damn offended! Their income could have stretched to so much more [insert entitled emoji here]

2014newme · 10/12/2016 15:13

You want them to spend more on your child 😂😂
#moneygrabber
If anyone asks what you want fir Christmas, you could do with some manners or a lesson in courtesy
How crass.
Step back, give your head a wobble and consider those less fortunate than yourselves.

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