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AIBU?

AIBU to tell him to piss off?!?

123 replies

SiblingsarePITA · 10/12/2016 00:32

Hello MNers,

I don't think IABU but I wanted to check as I have just had a baby and my judgement might be skewed slightly!

So I just had a baby a couple of weeks ago and we named her Sophie. My brother messaged me actually asking if we would consider changing her name because his precious fiancee who he has been with for 3 years has always loved that named and wanted it for her future daughter(!) So I obviously said no, this is a name that we have picked from the beginning of my pregnancy and we are in love with it ourselves. He has begged me to change it because apparently it is a deal breaker for her, she would consider ending the relationship over it...

That was 2 days ago, since then she has deleted me off all social media and has gone NC with me because she is upset that I have chosen 'her' name! Now, they have only just got engaged, they are young and who knows when they will have children and whether they would even have a girl and he wants me to change my daughters name on the off chance that they MIGHT have a girl and name her Sophie (who knows if she will even like the name by then!?)

Should I tell him to piss off along with her because of her stinky attitude or should I change it for the sake of my relationship with my little brother? As siblings we are all quite close and I don't want this to come between us... Plus now every time I say her name it has been tarnished with what has happened and I get upset just thinking about it, my brother has only come round once since to visit her whereas he has always been very good with my older two...

OP posts:

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nicenewdusters · 10/12/2016 00:39

I think telling the pair of them to grow up, not piss off, would be more appropriate. I'm assuming they're both very young. It's such a stupid request I think I would be speechless.

UrethaFranklin · 10/12/2016 00:40

YANBU!

Definitely DO NOT change your daughter's name just because your DB's fiance wanted to use it! What were you supposed to do, run every potential name past them first?

Loons, both of them.

SiblingsarePITA · 10/12/2016 00:41

I did, I told him to grow up and said she's being very unreasonable, his answer was 'yeah but think of it from her point of view'
I was gobsmacked at his request!!

OP posts:

nichito · 10/12/2016 00:42

I think you need to state firmly (or reiterate) that you cannot possibly be expected to have known about their fantasy name, and that your baby cannot be expected to relinquish a name for a child as yet unborn. Who's to say - as far as they're concerned - that it wasn't your fantasy name? Why would her "dream" trump yours?

Also worth saying/reiterating that not only can no name be reserved, but this applies doubly to incredibly popular and consistently used names like Sophie.

What a pair of infants.

bloodyteenagers · 10/12/2016 00:42

I would tell them both to grow the fuck up. You don't own a name. You aren't a mind reader to know she was this unhinged about a name.
I would be also having a word with the brother and asking him can he see him being long term with someone that wants to seperate over a name?

SiblingsarePITA · 10/12/2016 00:43

Lately it's become a nightmare choosing a name, every name that I would suggest someone would say they liked it and wanted it for their own child.... None of these ppl are pregnant or even have a partner... I stopped telling anyone the name we had chosen until she was born!

OP posts:

TheGruffaloMother · 10/12/2016 00:43

I'd tell them to shit right off. And point out to him that his relationship mustn't be particularly strong if she'd leave him over the name of one of your children.

I'd not change something so fundamental about my child for such a weak bond elsewhere.

ohfourfoxache · 10/12/2016 00:44

Absolutely pathetic

If they are both young then they're in for one hell of a wake up call

Don't change her name, it's beautiful and you're likely to regret "giving in" if you settle for something you don't like as much

knockedover · 10/12/2016 00:45

Stick to your guns, adore your DD and her lovely name and rest assured this won't be the last thing future SIL will get precious about, best let her learn now it won't work. I give it 10 pained years max 😇

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 10/12/2016 00:46

Of course YANBU. I'm afraid that's just tough. What are you supposed to do consult every Tom Dick and Harry for approval of what to name your child.
I could understand. If she wanted to use Sophie in honor of a relative who had passed.

nichito · 10/12/2016 00:47

Oh GOD, single people reserving baby names?! That's just demented. Life isn't your bloody Pinterest board FGS.

OP just to reiterate, you are not being unreasonable in any way. Sophie is your daughter's name. Finito.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 10/12/2016 00:49

My db has a cousin with the same name as him. Nobody turned a hair. Go back two generations and cousins were all called the same.
She's a drama queen over her unconceived, unsexed child by a man who may not be the father.
First come, first served and she can still use It!

SiblingsarePITA · 10/12/2016 00:51

Thanks lovely MNers, I knew I wasn't being unreasonable!! My first reaction was WTAF?!?!? I can see she is going to be a PITA sil

OP posts:

SiblingsarePITA · 10/12/2016 00:53

Yes exactly!! I said she can use it too if she wants, fgs they're not even married yet with no babies on the horizon, they are both early twenties... In our culture is marriage first then babies just incase anyone is wondering why they need to be married first ....

OP posts:

MaitlandGirl · 10/12/2016 00:53

Are they both 12??? Seriously she needs to grow up and he needs to stop being such an idiot.

Please don't change the name because she threw a tantrum. If their relationship is so fragile he's probably better off out of it.

ohfourfoxache · 10/12/2016 00:54

She'll only be a PITA SIL if you let her. Stand up for yourself and don't give in to her ridiculous tantrums- once she knows you're no pushover then the extent of her PITAness should be limited

Neaders · 10/12/2016 00:54

totally pathetic.. tell them to piss off. that said, i come from a family where multiple cousins have the same name... 2 of my cousins were called after my grandmother, who died suddendly very young. on the other side of the family, same thing. when we are together, we just refer to them as Jane Smith and Jane Brown.... never caused any problems or jealousy. If your db really wants to call his fantasy daughter Sophie, then that's fine... she will be sophie Jones and your sophie will be sophie smith!

PickAChew · 10/12/2016 00:55

Yep. Just tell them to butt out (because if he wants to be so childish, you got it first, for a start,!)

Neaders · 10/12/2016 00:56

smith, brown, jones and jane are obviously just examples lol! our real names are much more colourful!

RedBullBlood · 10/12/2016 01:00

Jeez. I would have laughed and laughed and laughed.

Vulty · 10/12/2016 01:01

That's a pathetic and this He has begged me to change it because apparently it is a deal breaker for her, she would consider ending the relationship over it... sounds manipulative. Just tell him you've already registered her name. Can't do anything about that.

My mum and sister were pregnant at the same time many years ago. My brother was born in May my Mum called him Reece. My nephew was born October. My sister was going to name my nephew Reece but joked "aye she stole my name what a bitch" JOKE THOUGH! It was no big deal no grudges. She named him Kieran and now he's due a wee baby and I'm feeling old cause I'm going to be a great auntie at 21

Congratulations btw!

Pallisers · 10/12/2016 01:05

Oh GOD, single people reserving baby names?! That's just demented. Life isn't your bloody Pinterest board FGS.

Agree. She is insane. Your brother is a fool for putting up with this - he will be lucky if the "deal" breaks.

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Pluto30 · 10/12/2016 01:07

She can name her daughter Sophie too.

Not sure what her issue is.

DontKnow72511 · 10/12/2016 01:08

Congratulations on your baby x

Keep her name!

My son ( 2 weeks :) ) is named after his dad. His cousin is also named after my sons dad so they have the same name.

There's been no issues over it as far as I'm aware, cousin is around 9/10.

Don't change her name if you like it, there's nothing to stop them using the same nAme if they still like it when they have a baby

Patchouli666 · 10/12/2016 01:10

I'm the eldest of three. My grandad's name was James. It has history in my hubby's family too and his middle name is James. My younger brother had first boy after I had two kids and he called him James, despite it being talked about that me and my grandad had a special connection and he was more like a dad to me due to my parents splitting up while my mum was pregnant. Did I mind? No, not at all. The more the merrier.
Your brothers girlfriend just likes the name for no apparent reason. You have a dad here with the name. Bollocks to it. Congratulations btw

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