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AIBU?

To think it should not take 7 days to organise a detention

39 replies

ReallyTired · 09/12/2016 23:38

My son has been late for school 5 times this week. He is 14 years old and a pain up the backside. His school cannot get their act together to organise detentions. His detention for Monday's late is next week. I feel that a detention should ideally be in the same day or failing that the next day. There are so many naughty children there is insufficient capacity in the dining room.

I feel that the school should set up an over flow detention room to endure that punishments happen within 24 hours of the misdeed. Maybe there would be no need for two detentions rooms if punishments happened faster.

I am angry that the school are refusing to arrange a face to face meeting with be to discuss Ds refusal to go to registration before Christmas. Ds prefers the detentions to being bullied. I want alternative arrangements to be made for him to register if he is too scared to go to form time.

Am I unreasonable to make formal complaint? At dd's primary they would be organising the meeting. Dd's headteacher is very hot on attendence issues.

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ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 09/12/2016 23:44

I think you have two issues here.

  1. bullying
  2. his lateness (& subsequent detentions)

    If I were you I would make an appointment to see his head of year about both. Make it clear you want to support school. Say you're happy for him to do a same day detention for lateness. Also make it clear that you any the bullying addressed.

    At our school you would never get a same day detention due to pupils' reliance on school buses. They're much more common in city schools though.
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noblegiraffe · 09/12/2016 23:51

Face to face meeting with whom? They are quite hard to arrange anyway because teachers are teaching a lot of the time. Have you phoned/emailed his Head of Year? Tutor?

Primaries are a lot smaller than secondaries.

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PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/12/2016 23:52

The two situations need to be dealt with separately. The date of a detention being set needs to be sucked up. If a kid doesn't get to school on time they get detention. They get that for the time the school deems appropriate.

However, that isn't your issue. You need to speak to the school about the bullying. Is it something that you have formally broached with them? Surely there should be teachers who can back up your son on the bullying if it's being done in registration? I'd be complaining about his registration teacher as well to be honest.

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ReallyTired · 09/12/2016 23:54

I can understand it's impractical to have a same day detention. Ds' detention isn't even in the same week! The head of year hasn't even phoned me back. The school sees organising the Christmas concert as being more of a priority than sorting out bullying issues or discipline. I feel if the head of year is too busy then someone else should step in.

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ReallyTired · 09/12/2016 23:57

A punishment needs to happen quickly to have an effect. I think if Ds had the detention for Monday's late on Tuesday then he would not refused to attend registration on Wednesday. It's not a matter of sucking up the date, it's a matter of effective discipline.

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noblegiraffe · 10/12/2016 00:01

But you said he preferred the detentions to being bullied so a detention wouldn't solve anything?

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CauliflowerSqueeze · 10/12/2016 00:01

What punishment have you given your son for being late every day? Has this had an impact at all?

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noblegiraffe · 10/12/2016 00:01

Have you emailed? Email is easier to deal with than phone because you can do it when you get home in the evening.

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ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 10/12/2016 00:04

What's school policy on lateness? Is it usual to even set a detention?

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PaulAnkaTheDog · 10/12/2016 00:08

if Ds had the detention for Monday's late on Tuesday then he would not refused to attend registration on Wednesday.

But you said he'd take a detention over attending...

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ReallyTired · 10/12/2016 00:24

My son has been denied all access to the internet, he has had his phone confiscated and is not allowed on the computer. I don't think that punishing more harshly would do any good. I feel that if the school are going to punish him then it should be done in a timely fashion.

I don't think it's fair for a child to be punished both by the school and home. Sanctions don't always work. We need to get to the root of the problem of WHY he is refusing to attend registration.

Primary schools may have fewer pupils, but they have less staff than a secondary school. In a secondary school they should have the staff to deal with pastoral issues. Generally secondary schools are better resourced with several assistant heads, family workers and learning mentors than a primary school. There is really no excuse. In a secondary school the SLT do not have a full teaching load.

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noblegiraffe · 10/12/2016 00:34

several assistant heads, family workers and learning mentors

Indeed, but a kid bunking off registration for a few days is way down their list of priorities.

Email the HoY and tutor.

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DarkNanny · 10/12/2016 00:41

I don't think you need to punish your son, if your lad is struggling to get into school due to being bullied then I give him credit for just having courage to get up in the morning to go actually!
Most adults would not suffer this would they ? Why expect a teenager?
Your son needs support not punishment and the school need to get a grip on your sons school issue and be supportive and protective of him. Again if your son feels happier going in later to avoid being bullied then be thankful he has sorted his issue out in a way he can handle that shows great maturity in the face of adversity comend him

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ReallyTired · 10/12/2016 00:45

Ds only attended registration 3 times last term. Why is this such a low priority? This term has been better as he had attended registration 50% of the time. His attendence is getting worse and its getting harder to get him in. We need to resolve it this side of Christmas.

I already emailed the HoY and tutor. The school is crap.

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noblegiraffe · 10/12/2016 00:48

You didn't say he only attended registration three times last term in your OP, you said he'd been late 5 times in a week.

Why are you complaining about a detention not being set until Monday when apparently your real issue is that your DS has been regularly bunking off registration since September?

What was done last term to address this? Why is he still in the same tutor group if he is being bullied?

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DarkNanny · 10/12/2016 00:51

If he Is been bullied then his not going to go in to avoid the bullying that's right isn't it ? So really it is the bullying that the school needs to tackle without loosing your sons desire to attend school because if he becomes a none attender that's when things get harder for both of you, so your job is to work out why and when and what is happening to him to make him not attend then present that to the School so they can protect your sons wellbeing work out a way forward he feels safe with

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Trifleorbust · 10/12/2016 06:12

If detention is full, it's full. I think delayed punishment is inappropriate for puppies and tiny children but a 14 year old can understand it fine. Your problem is the bullying - that needs to be dealt with right away.

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MsJamieFraser · 10/12/2016 06:31

Yanbu, put it in writing to the form teacher, they have to act in it, and when they have their ofsted, they will have to explain why it took so long to get the bullying issue sorted.

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Trifleorbust · 10/12/2016 06:53

There is really no excuse. In a secondary school the SLT do not have a full teaching load.

No, but they have significant responsibilities outside of classroom teaching - they are usually on call to classrooms, line managing staff, reporting to governors, managing student behaviour etc. And they are usually responsible for 1,000 students. You aren't being unreasonable to expect support but this shows a lack of understanding of the workload in a school, which can be immense.

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DoctorDonnaNoble · 10/12/2016 07:01

We don't have the 'extra staff' you mention at our school. All mentoring and pastors care is done by teachers. And yet we manage to deal with the issue. I think both sides need to be a little more proactive.
Don't phone in, it's rare that you'd catch a secondary teacher when free by phone. Email, save all your sent messages in a new folder and request read receipts, if possible also mark the importance as high (I have to do this with stuff to our pastoral manager as he gets so many emails things can get lost). If no reply, contact the person above the Head of Year with copies of the emails.

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ForalltheSaints · 10/12/2016 07:09

I do not know how old your son is or how disruptive it would be, but this school sounds bad enough that you ought to be exploring other ones for him to transfer to. A week to wait for a detention seems to be the lesser of problems here.

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Sybys · 10/12/2016 07:36

I do not know how old your son is
It's in the second sentence of the OP...

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Boundaries · 10/12/2016 07:47

In a secondary school they should have the staff to deal with pastoral issues. Generally secondary schools are better resourced with several assistant heads,



If only that were true. Most secondary staff have several hats that they wear. Unfortunately the days of funding for specialised pastoral care are over.

I agree with noble - email the HoY. Try and arrange a meeting for next week so you can agree a plan of action for the new year.

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cansu · 10/12/2016 07:48

You seem to be mixing up two separate issues the timing of the detention and the reason your ds is bunking registration. What are the problems with the registration. I think he should attend the detentions for lateness but you also need to ask for a meeting about whatever ussues your ds has with attending school.

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ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 10/12/2016 08:14

I agree with pp.

You seem to be focusing on the detention here but that doesn't sound like your biggest problem.

Call school on Monday. Ask for an appointment with head of year. Focus on the bullying and how you can get him to attend.

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