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AIBU?

To not the want to give them a lift to the staff do?

92 replies

TypicallyEnglishMustard · 09/12/2016 17:22

It's the department staff do tonight, and I've been asked for a lift by two colleagues. I do like them and consider them to be "work friends", but two things are bothering me about the request.

We were all talking over lunch about how everyone was getting to the restaurant. We're all quite far flung, and few of us live near enough to lift share with one another. My DP is actually giving me a lift, I'm not driving (even though I'm not drinking as I'm PG, but he wanted to do me the favour). When asked, I said what my plan was, and colleague one said, "Your route Is right past my flat, so you can pick colleague 2 and I up on your way in."

I said I would ask DP, since it's his car, but thought it was already pretty rude that she ordered, rather than asked of me.

She went on to say that the two of them were having a drink together at her place first, which has rubbed me up the wrong way a bit. The three of us are all very friendly together, but it made me sad to not have been invited, but then expect to just show up as the designated taxi service on the way into town. I go to her flat often for get togethers, so it wouldn't be out of the ordinary to normally receive an invite. I understand that I'm PG, so couldn't actually have a drink, but it would have been nice to spend the time before going to the restaurant.

Secondly, they do have a habit of "leaving me out" when the three of us are together. Colleague 1 is worse for this, colleague 2 is lovely and probably doesn't mean to. On many occasions I've felt like a bit of a third wheel. I've known colleague 1 for a while, and I've realised recently that she's a bit of a taker not a giver as far as friendship goes. She'll swear blind she's your very best friend until someone "better" is around, and then you are dropped very fast. On my part, I know that I'm already very sensitive to this, as I always feel like I'm the one in any group of friends who is forgotten most quickly whilst everyone else pairs off to talk/walk/sit with others.

So I suppose I just feel sad at the thought of turning up to taxi them into town when they've already started their fun without inviting me, and then them racing ahead together into the restaurant (colleague 1 will often do this sort of thing) to leave me to wander in awkwardly behind them, and possibly be ignored thereafter, despite the lift-giving.

As she was leaving work, colleague 1 called into me, "Pick us up at quarter past seven, then." Didn't wait for a reply.

AIBU to not give them a lift, or do I need to have a word with myself and get on with it?

OP posts:

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TypicallyEnglishMustard · 09/12/2016 17:22

Also, that was very long! Sorry, guess I had to get that off my chest!

OP posts:

Redorwhitejusthaveboth · 09/12/2016 17:23

I wouldn't bother.....

PurpleOneWithTheNutIn · 09/12/2016 17:24

I'd text her and tell her to book a taxi, it's not convenient.

PurpleOneWithTheNutIn · 09/12/2016 17:24

But I'm a bitch 😂

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 09/12/2016 17:24

Nah, just forget.

Pregnant. Brain like a sieve. Yadda yadda.

Butterymuffin · 09/12/2016 17:24

Text and say your DP needs to call in somewhere else on the journey, so you won't be passing the flat after all, and you'll see them there.

GeillisTheWitch · 09/12/2016 17:25

That presumption that you will just do what you're told would annoy me too. It would be a shame if "baby brain" caused you to forget all about it wouldn't it .

MoreThanUs · 09/12/2016 17:26

If you're driving past their flat, I'd give them a lift.

TypicallyEnglishMustard · 09/12/2016 17:26

Forgot to say, I won't be leaving them in the lurch, they are only five minutes' walk from restaurant, but will be "wearing big heels, so need the lift"!

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 09/12/2016 17:27

Oh, and make tonight the night you put in an effort to talk to new people. Approach someone else and say 'isn't it weird how you work with people but only meet them at Christmas dos! What's your name?' Or just ask people you already know a lot about their Christmas plans. People like to talk about themselves. Get beyond depending on these two. And then ring your DP to pick you up and disappear before they notice.

ilovesooty · 09/12/2016 17:29

Why on earth would you even consider giving them a lift?

AmeliaJack · 09/12/2016 17:29

It's sooo unfortunate that your DH is going to be running late at work and you'll have to advise them to get a taxi so as not to risk being late.

What a shame.

Nevth · 09/12/2016 17:31

Buttery is giving some really good, measured advice here.

Focus less on the lift issue (and possibly don't pick them up - not in order to get revenge, but for you to not feel used). Instead try to make new friends; this is the best opportunity you will get!

And your DH sounds lovely. Enjoy your evening!

myyoyo · 09/12/2016 17:31

very rude - I vote no lift.

AmeliaJack · 09/12/2016 17:32

I never have very much respect for anyone who wears heels they can't walk in.

TypicallyEnglishMustard · 09/12/2016 17:33

I'm afraid I can't just say no, there'll have to be some sort of excuse, as colleague 1 is the sort to press the matter until there's a big deal made out of it in front of everyone (has done similar before).

Can you really get away with baby brain?! I haven't tried it yet.

Thank you for the lovely suggestion, Butterymuffin! There's only ten of us in the department, so I already know everyone quite well, but I will sit with others at the meal, I think. Our lovely TA watched the exchange at lunchtime, raised her eyebrows at me, and said she and I would have a good time sitting together this evening, which is nice of her.

OP posts:

myyoyo · 09/12/2016 17:36

Tell her you're going shopping first or something.

GravyAndShite · 09/12/2016 17:37

Yes. I don't think you should give them the lift as it would make you feel very used. When they text you asking where you are you could even say that they were so rude you thought it was a joke you didn't get. You didn't think you were actually being ordered to collect them.

ilovesooty · 09/12/2016 17:38

I still don't see why you have to make an excuse. Colleague 1 needs to learn that that sort of behaviour isn't acceptable in the workplace

IhatchedaSnorlax · 09/12/2016 17:39

No way would I give them a lift. Just 'forget' all about it or text & say you can't as your DP has to call at a friend's house first.

Don't let it spoil your evening though whatever you do - enjoy your night.

salsmum · 09/12/2016 17:42

Just wondering that if your DH is driving if you wen for a drink at the flat first would your DH then wait in the car/ flat until you left for the restaurant or would he come home and then go back to the flat to pick you up after 'warm up " drinks? I still think it's not nice to feel used would they be expecting you to provide a lift home too? I suspect IF you do give them a lift there they may well put DH on the spot to give them a lift home too....sit next to your other work pal sounds a nicer option.

Bjazzle · 09/12/2016 17:42

Did you say you would give a lift? If not you could say you forgot/ baby brain/ didnt hear or realise they were asking you/ thought f1 was asking f2 as she was the one invited to her house.
You sound like me though, as much as I wouldnt want to, id give them a lift anyway to save an argument.

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TypicallyEnglishMustard · 09/12/2016 17:45

Ilovesooty, for an easy time, basically. Colleague 1 would bring it up in front of everyone and want to have an argument over it. I haven't the energy for it I'm afraid!

I think Gravy and Nevth are right, it would make me feel used.

OP posts:

happychristmasbum · 09/12/2016 17:49

As Pp suggested, just say DH needs to go somewhere else en route so he won't be able to pick them up now - seeya later at the restaurant. No drama.

expatinscotland · 09/12/2016 17:50

There NFW I'd give them a lift.

'I'm afraid I can't just say no, there'll have to be some sort of excuse, as colleague 1 is the sort to press the matter until there's a big deal made out of it in front of everyone (has done similar before). '

Then that makes her look the dick.

I wouldn't bother texting her or jack shit. 'What happened to you?' 'Oh, we just forgot! Well, see you made it anyhow,' and laugh.

She bangs on about it, laugh back, 'Wow. You'd think I was just a personal taxi service, especially because you didn't even ask me, just ordered on a time slot. Haahaa. My name isn't Uber.'

FUCK giving her a lift. She wants one back, 'Nah, DP and I need to swing by ASDA/Sainsbo's/Etc.'

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