To have asked for an apology?

[Timeforausernamechange]

We were at the soft play and DS (13 months) was playing on a light up floor game with another tiny toddler when they were joined by 3 boisterous 4-5 year olds. I was fine with this as there was plenty of space. However the largest of the other children accidentally sent DS flying. DS is a younger sibling and fairly robust but he hit the ground hard and started screaming.
I picked him up and turned to the other child and said " Could you say sorry to the baby?" (I Was sitting down and had to look up to the child and spoke very softly) immediately his mum who had been standing behind us rushed over and upset - I explained that I had only asked him to say sorry. She said "No. He (my DS) is just a baby and he (her DS) didn't do anything, he was just dancing"

What does it matter if my DS is just a baby? Is it ok to knock him flying? I was livid but didn't want to make a scene and so scooped up screaming DS and left the area. She stood over her DS and his friends on the floor area for the next 30 mins and no other children went on. ( I was sitting down with DS waiting for DD to play in another part of the play area.)

AIBU to have spoken to this child? I did not know that his mum was there ( we'd previously had to leave the toddler are as these boys were throwing the soft play cushions about and being rude - with no parent in sight).

Was she BU to say that her son didn't need to say sorry as my DS is 'only a baby'?

[Trifleorbust]

I think expecting an apology from a 3 year old for what you admit was a complete accident is a little unreasonable, yes. Unless he was being rough.

[heebiejeebie]

Were you in a bit for older children? I think it's tough for bigger kids (and 4 is really not very big) if they can't play properly because there's tiny children sitting in areas meant for boisterous activity.

[TheWitTank]

Ah, the joys of soft play/hell on earth. SO glad those days are well over (although I did avoid them like the plague when my two were little too).
YWNBU in my eyes, but parents get incredibly defensive at soft play and it seems to bring out the worst in both adults and children.

[Timeforausernamechange]

I would expect my DD who is 3 to say sorry if she hurt someone.

[Mummamayhem]

Yeah you were unreasonable if it was just an accident! 'Opsie daisy' and moving lo out of harms way would have been my response.

[ReActiv]

That is of course a really silly reason not to say sorry to someone! I even get my daughter to apologise to animals if she does something to them by accident e.g. once stood on a dog's paw when we were stood chatting to its owner.

She now does it instinctively whenever she does something by mistake to someone.

I don't know that i would have requested a stranger 3/4yo to apologise. But i would have definitely said something to them along the lines of needing to be more careful especially when there are little ones around.

The other mum was not unreasonable not to ask her child to say sorry, as she has only your word for what happened, but is unreasonable to use the age of your baby as the reason for not apologising.

[EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy]

This kinda shit goes down daily in soft play. It's a hotbed of toddler social drama.

Put your hard hat on, don't ask other people's children for apologies, just get on with making the best of the 'fun time' you are supposed to be having.

I'd have just walked away without asking for an apology.

[Mummamayhem]

Yes but he's a 3 year old stranger who is unlikely to comply! I'd have hoped the mother would have said sorry about that and let it go.

[Trifleorbust]

As we get older it becomes reflexive to apologise for accidental injury - if I knocked someone flying, even if I wasn't being careless, I would say sorry. But the child is 3 and was only dancing. The safety of your 13 month old on a soft play area full of toddlers isn't his responsibility, it's yours.

[Allthewaves]

If you had asked my 3 year old for an apology he would have looked at you blankly. He dosent know you and doesn't respond to strangers and oh yes he's 3.

It's soft play, it was an accident, demanding an apology from 3 yr old is madness.

[longdiling]

I would have said something more like Dixie said - that or a simple 'oh dear! Watch out for the littler one's. Asking him to apologise wasn't the end of the world though. If you'd done that to my child I would have apologised on their behalf and checked your baby was OK. I just hate forcing kids into an apology at that age - it's pointless if it's forced and how do you make them anyway?! I have had a few occasions where I've been stood there like a wally while a desperate and well meaning parent tries to force an apology out of their toddler for something they've done to my child/mindee. You know they're flogging a dead horse but don't want to undermine them so you stand there cringing until they give up the ghost.

[ChBa]

I would have expected my child to apologise even if it was an accident....it shows they show some empathy, didnt mean to do it and helps them to stop and make sure they other child is ok.

I really dont like soft play areas.... though my son is 8 now and tells other kids when theyre doing something wrong, he told some to stop pushing his sister at the top of the slides.... luckily he did that or i'd had thrown the little shits down the shitty slide!!! (and thats why we dont go to soft play)

[creakyknees13]

I think you could have just told him to be more careful. He probably would have said sorry if you did that, rather than demanding he apologise to the baby (who probably wouldn't even understand anyway)

[TheHiphopopotamus]

Would your 13 month old have understood the apology or was it for your benefit?

[DeepanKrispanEven]

Where do we get the idea that the child was 3? Op says 4-5.

[Trifleorbust]

Good point - he was 4-5. I don't know how I misread that

A 4-5 year old should have apologised.

[KoalaDownUnder]

The safety of your 13 month old on a soft play area full of toddlers isn't his responsibility, it's yours.

This. YABU.

[hoddtastic]

my 8 year old would freeze if she felt she was being 'told off by an adult' and wouldn't apologise.

I would have apologised on her behalf though. She's very very shy and would be really upset and embarassed at a) having done it and b) being expected to speak on demand at a strangers behest.

[rookiemere]

You should have complained to the staff earlier on when the older DCs were playing boisterously there, so they could have been moved to the bigger DCs area, rather than you moving your 13 month to it.

The whole idea of having separate areas is so that this sort of thing doesn't happen. Not your fault, but a bit OTT to demand an apology.

[Fiveandahalfweeks]

I would definitely have asked him to be more careful but not for an apology - he's not your child. If my child had knocked down a smaller child I would have asked him to apologise. But people get very defensive of their dc in these situations, so they are often unlikely to stick up for your dc.

[2rebecca]

I think apologies you have to "demand" are meaningless. If a person is sorry they are sorry, if they aren't they aren't. making someone say a few words doesn't change that.
Accidents are accidents and shouldn't need apologies.
I would have just said "please be more careful of the younger ones" to the older child.
The other mother's behaviour sounds OTT though. She should have been telling him to be more careful as well.