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AIBU?

DH waking DC up

20 replies

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 08/12/2016 20:43

Usually dh puts toddler to bed, I put baby to bed
Tonight he was doing some important work stuff at home after getting home from work so I said I'd do both - this is tricky to do as baby is grumpy in the evening and toddler reluctant to fall asleep on own
Bed time routine for toddler is story books in bed, then light off and a long boring made up story until she falls asleep
Baby was squirming around and feeding and wriggling whilst I did this, but fortunately not crying so toddler was getting sleepy. I was feeling really pleased as this was the smoothest bedtime I've done on my own yet

Toddler's eyes had just closed and she was dropping off.... When dh walked in, switched the light on, turned the dimmer up to bright and started rummaging through cupboards! He didn't say a word as he did this, just started pulling stuff out of the cupboards in an urgent manner

My toddler immediately burst into tears, which upset baby
When i asked what he was doing, DH said he needed to print out the work he'd done and needed to find a cable to connect the printer which was somewhere in the storage cupboard in toddler's room

He had finished the work and just needed to print, sign, scan, email it by tomorrow, so he could have waited till toddler was properly asleep and then found it, although I appreciate he wanted to get it completed now and then relax for the rest of the evening, surely he could see that it was a bad moment to burst in?
Or he could have said something before he switched the light on, just a warning and turning the light up gradually would have helped, as toddler looked completely confused and bewildered
He said it was easier to get it before she fell asleep rather than after and he wanted to get it finished

He just sometimes gets really focused on one task and ignores everything else
It drives me mad

I took crying baby next door, toddler was walking round house crying, dh found computer thingy and retrieved hysterically crying toddler and put her to bed, he is now fixing a snack but still hasn't printed the thing out

Anyway dh is all chirpy and can't understand why I'm irritated with him. To his mind he put toddler to bed in the end so problem solved

OP posts:
HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 08/12/2016 20:45

He is anxious about getting this particular piece of work finished btw

So I can kind of understand him not thinking and waking her up

What I can't understand is that he won't say sorry or admit it was a daft thing to do!

OP posts:
Carneddai · 08/12/2016 20:48

Sounds like my dh. It's not malicious, occasionally just self centred

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 08/12/2016 20:56

Yes I don't think it's malicious at all, he is just so focused on the task at hand that he doesn't think beyond finishing it

I just wish he'd say "oh that was silly of me, I'm sorry I burst in then, I didn't think"

OP posts:
pklme · 08/12/2016 21:14

That kind of focus is bloody irritating, self centred. It doesn't matter if he understands why you are irritated- he upset you and should apologise.

blueturtle6 · 08/12/2016 21:19

Wow you are remarkably calm id have gone crazy! Yanbu

Biffsboys · 08/12/2016 22:54

He'd be buried under the patio by now in my house Grin

maras2 · 08/12/2016 23:31

You're irritated with him Shock I'd have been bloody furious.What an idiot.

Ahickiefromkinickie · 09/12/2016 00:16

That is very irritating. But at least he put toddler to bed. And was chirpy instead of passive aggressive or huffy.

Meeep · 09/12/2016 00:22

It was really selfish and thoughtless. I would be very cross.

Lapinlapin · 09/12/2016 00:23

You're obviously very patient, op.

That would drive me bonkers! I'm afraid to say I would not have been so magnanimous and dh would have been given a right earful.

Longdistance · 09/12/2016 00:34

I would have knocked him out with a frying pan.

No, seriously op, you're far too calm. I was like this with dd's that they were difficult to get to sleep.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 09/12/2016 06:25

So I told him it was thoughtless of him and I wanted him to apologise, he said he couldn't have waited until after she was asleep as he needed to empty the whole cupboard to find it, so he couldn't have done it quietly with a torch

He could have come in more gently though "oh sorry to interrupt, I need to get something really important from the cupboard, and I've come to wish you sweet dreams Darling"

Or waited and done it with a torch/ in the morning

He really won't see my POV though, won't apologise or even acknowledge I have a point, but is all cheerful with me, which makes me seem petty for continuing to be cross

What do you do in these situations? Just forget it? Carry on being cross? We've had similar situations before, not often but occasionally

OP posts:
cookieswirls · 09/12/2016 06:34

Oh for goodness sake he's trying to get work finished and accidentally woke up your dd! This isn't really a big deal is it ? It's over now I'm sure she got to sleep eventually.

NiceFalafels · 09/12/2016 06:35

Tell him if there's a repeat he will have to put the kids to bed instead. Also tell him to be more organised and get the cables beforehand.

NiceFalafels · 09/12/2016 06:35

Self absorbed bloke

cookieswirls · 09/12/2016 06:35

Oh and I do agree it is very annoying when children get woken up after you have tried so hard to get them to sleep, but trying to cause an argument over it is petty

buggerForTheBottle · 09/12/2016 06:36

I think it's time to content yourself with knowing you're in the right and he was a bit of an arse. He wasn't worse than that and do you really want to put the effort into being cross?

'Furious', 'crazy'? Get a grip those who said that.

sansoucitherednosedcariboo · 09/12/2016 06:45

You really don't want to be quarrelling in front of your DC. It's far more disruptive and harmful for them than being stopped from going to sleep by a distracted dad.

Introvertedbuthappy · 09/12/2016 06:48

Oh no, this is the sort of thing I do Blush.
If I'm stressed with work and need something for the following day I get incredibly anxious that if I don't have something to hand it might not be where I thought it was (ie toddler cupboard). I would (in my head) need to find it right away otherwise it would eat me up inside. It's severe anxiety, not rational so I wouldn't be able to wait effectively. I would also have thought that it would be easier to do while bedtime was happening and not speak in case it startled either child awake.

Like your DH I would then have happily put children to bed as I now knew where the cable was (source of anxiety) - that's probably why he sounded so chipper, for me it is like a weight being lifted.

Going forward though I'd find another home for cable rather than toddler cupboard.

Believeitornot · 09/12/2016 06:51

You said that there have been other examples..?

I think as a one off I'd be annoyed.

But as this sounds like a pattern then I'd be pissed off.

My DH is a bit like this - he wouldnt disturb a bedtime routine but he is sometimes completely unable to apologise for his actions if he doesn't think he's done wrong. Even if the other person is clearly upset.

He also doesn't like to admit he's wrong.

It's like a death by a thousand cuts.

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