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AIBU?

To give my dd less food than my ds?

93 replies

jultomten · 08/12/2016 20:09

My lovely dd is 5, she has always been chubby and has always been bmi overweight/ just on normal weight. I have always worried about her but her doctor has always told me not to worry that she will grow out of it. But she's not growing out of it. I have 2 ds as well 7&3 and they are skinny/ normal. Compared to my dss dd eats super fast and always finnishes her plate/ asked for more, they pick and rarely eat everything. I have also caught her helping herself to biscuits and other things in the fridge...
I have started serving her less food than ds1. And adding extra vegetables. She has noticed and Iv told her she gets less because she's younger. And I'm not letting her have seconds. But I'm feeling mean I'm feeling crap. I don't want to give her a future eating disorder.. but equally I don't want her to end up overweight. I don't know what to do. Am i doing the right thing or aibu?
She's 119cm and weighs 25kg if it makes any difference.

OP posts:

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nevereverever83 · 08/12/2016 20:17

Sounds like you're doing the right thing to me, provided what you are doing is encouraging a healthy relationship with food and a well balanced diet. What's the alternative? Tell her she's fat? Not helpful. Do nothing? Also not helpful.
It might be useful to figure out why she still seems hungry, though, and why she sneaks food. Is she bored? Upset? Lonely? If she really is hungry could she have some carrot sticks or some fruit instead?

Applesauce29 · 08/12/2016 20:23

I'd ban all the junk from your house tbh and only put out fruit for her to help herself to if hungry. Also, just water / milk for drinks, and more family exercise e.g. walking to park, football or something that you can get them all involved with so she doesn't feel singled out.

mirokarikovo · 08/12/2016 20:28

No don't give her less food - she needs lots of energy to grow strong and healthy in body and brain. If there isn't a good balance between food in and energy out then get her moving around more rather than cutting back on food - more climbing trees/climbing frames - running about, scootering etc - so that all the food she eats gets turned into muscle not fat.

As for "doctor has always told me not to worry that she will grow out of it. But she's not growing out of it." - she is FIVE fgs. She will grow out of it by the time she is a teenager unless a neurotic mother obsessing about food and weight issues screws up her relationship with food forever.

WeirdButTrue · 08/12/2016 20:29

I may have this wrong, but doesn't that height/weight put your DD at the 98th centile for both height & weight, therefore she's perfectly in proportion and healthy? And doesn't need her portions adjusting down?

neonrainbow · 08/12/2016 20:30

You can't say don't give her less food when you don't know if op is over feeding her

TitaniasCloset · 08/12/2016 20:32

Agree with Miro she is only five.

defineme · 08/12/2016 20:35

She is upper end of NORMAL weight for her age and height and I would therefore do as your health professional suggested and stop worrying. Somebody has to be at the top end of normal healthy weight, just as someone who is at the bottom end. My dd has always been there too, she's never got any heavier proportionally, it's not like she has slowly got heavier. Health professionals look for childrento maintain their line and that's is what she's doing. More exercise and healthy food is never a bad thing, but please don't single her out.

defineme · 08/12/2016 20:36

She's got nothing to grow out of, her weight is in proportion to her height.

lalalalyra · 08/12/2016 20:36

I agree with weird - looking at the chart your DD is on the 98th centile for both so in proportion.

If you start limiting her food, and showing her that she should eat less than her brothers then you are showing her the path to food issues imo.

Have you plotted your son's height and weight on the centile chart? When I was sure my DD2 was getting chubby I realised after looking at the charts that DD1 was actually underweight.

Purplesky2 · 08/12/2016 20:37

Well my dd is similar age 5, 122cm and 25kg and I posted a few months ago saying similar to and got told I was over worrying so maybe you are too as you dd is still in normal bmi range

albertcampionscat · 08/12/2016 20:39

She's at the upper end of normal. That's fine. As previous poster said, someone has to be Just make sure there's no crap (biscuits etc) in the house and let her be.

(FWIW I've been around the top end of the normal BMI range all my life pretty much. It is where my body wants to be and a damn sight healthier than yoyo dieting)

jultomten · 08/12/2016 20:40

I know she's still young and the last thing I want to do is give her issues with food, like I wrote. But it feels like she very easily goes overboard with everything, she's never full. And now I can still control what she eats in a few years it will be more difficult. She is very active, but I guess I could get her even more active and see if that helps.

Usually when Iv checked the bmi kids calculator she shows up as overweight.

OP posts:

SilentBatperson · 08/12/2016 20:43

Couldn't do any harm to stop buying the biscuits.

jultomten · 08/12/2016 20:44

Yes I can stop buying biscuits. So there's no temptation

OP posts:

Starlight2345 · 08/12/2016 20:45

Can I ask what the foods you are cutting out?
Protein helps them feel full for longer , carbs are also good for kids..

So if she is overweight.. then reduce the amount of junk food around..Move biscuits to top cupboard..Leave fruit on the side she can graze on.

Cherryskypie · 08/12/2016 20:46

Is she on the 99th for height?

I'd make sure she is drinking enough water so she's not confusing thirst and hunger. Beyond that give her lots of healthy food and snacks. If she feels hungry let her eat (within reason).

jultomten · 08/12/2016 20:46

We don't have much junk food ( I think ) our diet is pretty healthy. But yes I have given her slightly less carb/ protein and more veg.

OP posts:

madcatwoman61 · 08/12/2016 20:49

She's 5- unless you are feeding her junk in between meals, she will change shape several times before she stops growing. My MIL did this to my DD3 all through her child hood, she now has an eating disorder which impacts on her life and MH. Feed them both the same, please

HoopsandEverything · 08/12/2016 20:49

BMI calculators are crap though. Seriously, it tells me I am overweight and my GP is begging me to put weight on because my rib cage pokes out (he seems to ignore my shelf arse).

Keep her diet balanced, healthy, and let her have seconds if she wishes. How much exercise is she doing?

And yes, don't buy crap to tempt her / them. You can cut this out for a few weeks and see if it makes a noticeable difference.

haveacupoftea · 08/12/2016 20:52

'Caught her helping herself to biscuits' would you say that about the boys, or just say they grabbed a snack from the fridge? Do you have issues about food yourself OP?

pandarific · 08/12/2016 20:55

If she's never full it sounds like she's getting a lot of carby food which is great for energy but doesn't satisfy for as long. Protein is your friend here. Stuff left in the fridge specifically for grazing (for everyone,not just her) could include ham, chicken, hard boiled eggs - it's really hard to overeat those foods as they are very satisfying.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 08/12/2016 20:58

Feed her the same as your sons. If you're overfeeding one then you're overfeeding them all.

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pandarific · 08/12/2016 20:59

Ah, just read you're giving her less protein as well as carbs, and more veg. You can give her lots of protein and it will be really good for her and she will be less hungry - just make sure most of it is relatively lean and she'll be fine.

Veggies are great for you, but don't really stop you getting hungry.

jultomten · 08/12/2016 20:59

Usually they would ask before helping themselves to snacks especially the sweeter stuff.

I have had issues with food in my teens. And I don't want her to have that.
But I don't want her to be overweight either as that is also " having issus with food" But I feel like her relationship with food might already be unhealthy... and maybe I need to in a very positive way teach her to have reasonable amounts.
I just don't know how to do so.

OP posts:

PensionOutOfReach · 08/12/2016 21:00

I was worried in a similar way with dc1.

I dealt with it by

removing tempting things or limiting them (e.g. No more than two biscuits then you can have an apple)
increasing the amount of vegs in his diet (good anyway, overweight or not) and only propose begs for seconds
talking a lot about how it feels to feel full, describe the feeling of having eaten enough etc...
ensured dc1 had plenty of exercise.

If the issue was nowdays, I would also remove the glass of fruit juice at breakfast and be very careful about b'fast overall (always include some proteins, such as milk or eggs etc.. and have as little sugar as possible, aka sugary cereals, jam, fruit je etc..). I would also be very careful about the total amount of sugar dc1 had during the day (it goes up very quickly, much more quickly than we think)

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