Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2

AIBU?

Aibu re my brother's step kids?

40 replies

Whatsername17 · 04/12/2016 20:31

Bit of a weird one, I'd just like some opinions really. The back story: my brother has Aspergers and bi-polar. He's 25 but has the emotional maturity of a teenager. He hasn't managed to hold down a job and is all in all a complicated and often frustrating individual. But, he's my brother and I love him warts and all. He's recently (about 6 months or so) begun a relationship with a girl of the same age. She has two children from previous relationships. They have been friends for a long time and I met her when she was at school 10 years ago and I was training to be a teacher. She always seemed a nice kid but I didn't know her well. My brother met her when they were 16 or so i think. From what my db says, I'm not sure that they have the healthiest of relationships as they both have mental health issues but I'm certain my brother loves her.
Now to the AIBU: my parents have met my brothers girlfriend twice. They are happy that my brother is happy - no issues at all. I've not met her or her kids but, I feel that as my brother considers them - the girlfriend and her kids- family, then they are family. I've bought them all little gifts for Christmas. My dh and several other people think AIB well, weird rather than unreasonable. I've had a few comments about how dd's girlfriend will find it strange one recieve gifts from people she doesn't know. In all honesty, I'm just trying to be nice and welcoming and repay the kindness my brother has always shown to my dd. He loves his girlfriends kids and it is really sweet to listen to him talk about them. I also feel awkward with the idea that I would send my brother home with a present and nothing for the people he considers his family. (They are spending Christmas lunch apart but the morning and evening together and I will see him at lunch.) I've just wrapped the presents and then got stuck on what to write on the labels so now I'm second guessing myself. Am I being weird? Should I have waited until we had been introduced? I've only bought small tokens so nothing massively expensive. My mum is of the same opinion as me and has bought them all presents too, but she has been introduced so can put her name on the label without them going 'who?!'. Over to you oh wise mnetters!

OP posts:

Report

Lelloteddy · 04/12/2016 20:33

Lovely gesture. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise

TeenAndTween · 04/12/2016 20:34

Seems reasonable to me.

Sign your name. They can ask who and your DB can say my sister and her family. Sorted.

Owllady · 04/12/2016 20:36

Who cares if it's weird :) you are being kind and thoughtful!

Akire · 04/12/2016 20:36

If they are all visiting then I would do a very small gift as a welcoming gesture. If it's just him and you haven't yet met them I'd think I'd just buy a £2 selection box for the children. It's just a gesture but shows you are aware they exist and important in his life. If they do become part of your family long term it's a warm gesture and you will already be the friendly aunt.

Goingtobeawesome · 04/12/2016 20:36

It's a lovely gesture. The people saying no are idiots and tight.

Orangebird69 · 04/12/2016 20:38

I think it's very kind and thoughtful of you op. YADNBU.

CookieLady · 04/12/2016 20:41

It's a lovely thing to do.

Crunchymum · 04/12/2016 20:42

They aren't your brothers step children? They are the kids of someone your brother has been seeing. That said I do think it a lovely, kind, inclusive gesturel to buy gifts.

ThatStewie · 04/12/2016 20:43

It's a lovely thing to do.

GooodMythicalMorning · 04/12/2016 20:44

Sounds perfect to me

mydietstartsmonday · 04/12/2016 20:46

Lovely thing to do, don't let anyone tell you other wise.

Goingtobeawesome · 04/12/2016 20:47

. It's clear to everyone that legally they aren't the OP brothers step children, crunchymum. It's an accepted short hand.

ToastDemon · 04/12/2016 20:48

Ah lovely, this is totally not the AIBU I thought it would be
Good for you OP. Bet that will make her feel happy and welcomed.

ThePinkOcelot · 04/12/2016 20:51

Pedantic much crunchymum?!

I think it's a lovely gesture OP. Give your gifts. I'm sure the recipients will be chuffed.

littlesallyracket · 04/12/2016 20:52

It's a really nice gesture and not weird at all. It's a kind and thoughtful thing to do and I'm sure your brother's girlfriend will be delighted and feel pleased that you've thought of her and her children.

Whatsername17 · 04/12/2016 20:52

No they arent his step kids but he sees them as such. If he considers them family then that is good enough for me. I just don't want to come across as weird or 'too much'. The presents are just tokens, nothing grand. Thanks everyone

OP posts:

harderandharder2breathe · 04/12/2016 20:56

Lovely gesture! Yanbu

PrettySophisticated · 04/12/2016 20:57

The thought is lovely. My only concern would be that she might be embarrassed if she hasn't reciprocated, but I don't think token presents for children always need to be reciprocated. As you say you're acknowledging your Db's earlier gifts to your dc, but she might not see it that way

lola111 · 04/12/2016 20:57

It's not weird - don't give it another thought!

HaveNoSocks · 04/12/2016 20:58

It's just a nice gesture, you'd have to be very cynical to interpret it as anything else. Kids always like to get extra presents and I'm sure it will make his girlfriend feel welcome in your family.

AfternoonTeaBus · 04/12/2016 20:59

I think that's lovely and be very much appreciated. Think your brother will be very happy.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 04/12/2016 21:03

Do it. As someone who's daughter is not acknowledged by my soon to be SIL, I would really appreciate it.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

wowwee123 · 04/12/2016 21:03

We give my sils partners children christmas gifts. Ive never even met them. But theyre part of her family in a way and it seems the right thing to do.

Ive also always given my dbs partners children although admittedly one set were completely forced on his very early on in their relationship and because of that it always feelss forced and i resent it a bit.

Òn the other hand my other db's step daughter was introduced into our family completely normally and she may as well be blood. I love her and treat her the same as all my other nieces (by blood).

DailyCRAPMail · 04/12/2016 21:03

It's sweet of youbut if I were the girlfriend I would feel a bit awkward and would prefer it if you hadn't bought anything. I'd feel obliged to get something in return and would feel it was a bit OTT. It's only a six month relationship.

elfies · 04/12/2016 21:05

How lovely of you x

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.