To want to tell my sister to shove off?

[GerardNoWay]

It's my mum's birthday in a couple of weeks and my sister has booked a table for a meal out.

She text me to say that she had booked the table at so and so restaurant at so and so time, could we come?

I reply to say that DD, who is 1, and I can come but OH can't as he is working.

She replies saying that she is concerned about me bringing DD as it will be busy and I won't enjoy myself and she's not sure about the crowd in the restaurant

My reply is simply: I don't have childcare, I either bring her or I don't come.

I'm so pissed off. I live a way away from my parents and her, so it's a trek for me to get there. I don't have access to childcare in the same way that she does. I'm horrified that she would suggest that I don't bring DD when that essentially rules out me coming? ? And she knows this!

I know it sounds petty but it's really irritated me! AiBU to tell her to shove it?

[CaraAspen]

Your child is very young. I think your sister might have a point.

[BumDNC]

It's a family birthday surely your mother would want her grandchild there?
I wouldn't have any option either so YANU to be miffed by it, what are you supposed to do? It's not a flaming nightclub it's a place that serves food

[borntohula]

bit patronising of her to assume that you won't enjoy yourself... also, babies in restaurants don't actually bother everyone.

[GerardNoWay]

My issue, which I don't think I've articulated very well, is that she has chosen somewhere not child friendly, not mentioned it until she's already booked the table, and has now suggested I find childcare out of nowhere.

I'm essentially pushed out of a family get together because I can't get a babysitter and my OH is at work.

I presumed she would go child friendly as she also has a DC. It's just frustrating.

I understand that some places and times aren't suitable for young children, but this just pushes me out totally.

[BumDNC]

Also her reason for not bringing your own child is totally stupid. Does she mean by this mean you can't get drunk?

[BumDNC]

Maybe make arrangements to see your mum another day with DD and DP and not worry about this. my sister has a child that age and we wouldn't dream of booking something without consulting one another on children/distance/suitability/availability as it would be for all of us and my mum

[GerardNoWay]

The frustrating thing is that for the past 8 weeks I've been on a diet where I haven't eaten out once and I haven't touched a drop of alcohol.

I most probably will not be drinking so it's a moot point anyway.

I think my mum would prefer to see her grandchildren but I have a feeling that this is more self indulgence on my sisters part than anything else

[cheekybean]

Just go, its a bit thoughtless to hold a family meal that family are not being able to come to.

My MIL and FIL celebrated their 70 bdays this year. Their party was at a fancy restaurant. I didnt want to go at first, my baby was four weeks old and i knew i would have to breastfeed at sometime during the meal.

My husband talked me round, it was a family meal with no shortage of relatives to look after a baby. We all had a lovely time.

Can you ring the restaurant just to check. 99% of people, im sure, dont object to well behaved children especially at a family party.

[IonaNE]

I can see your sister's point: I can't very much see a one-year-old enjoying herself in a restaurant; and I can't imagine enjoying myself while having to take care of a one-year-old during a meal. OP, can you not get a (paid) babysitter?

[SmallBee]

I'd arrange a time that the three of you could celebrate with your Mum and not bother with the restaurant. It just sounds stressful otherwise.

[BumDNC]

It's baffling people can see the enjoyment of a one year old eating nice food with their mum and family?! Babies don't just cry and poo

[BumDNC]

Can't see the enjoyment*

[GerardNoWay]

I can't particularly afford a babysitter and a meal out, truth be told!

It's not an ideal situation, I'm aware and I think ultimately we won't go. She's asked could my OH not get the time off but that's just not feasible.

My plan was to go over to my mum's the night before and spend the next day with her - which we can still do. Just feel we aren't welcome when they all get together and that makes me sad, particularly as I'm quite isolated where I am.

[BumDNC]

Just do the daytime thing and take your pesky baby home for the night!

[Patriciathestripper1]

I took my DD out with me to restaraunts from the age of four months. We had no childcare so she came everywhere with us and it was never a problem. Tell her to put up or push off.

[BumDNC]

I love going out with my DN. She waves at everyone and has a lovely time eating all your food too

[Iizzyb]

I'm sure your plan will work fine - do sthg during the day, have a lovely time then go home. The meal is all about your dsis not dm. Know the feeling op. She probably wants to leave her dc. Just leave them to it xx

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

If you can't afford a babysitter and a meal out, that's a different thing.

You could get a babysitter op, you just don't want to (which is fair enough). But it is also fair enough for there to be some family events in the evenings, in restaurants, without babies and children.

Ask your Mum if this is what she wanted to do for her birthday - if it is, then let it go.

[GerardNoWay]

FWIW I love going out with DD. She says hiya to everyone, tries everyone's food, and is generally a joy to be around!

Yes, she can be a bit grumpy when she is tired but that's my only issue with it.

[AliceInUnderpants]

Who is looking after your sister's DC?

[GerardNoWay]

Sister's DC is being looked after by her In laws.

I don't know them very well and would not feel comfortable asking them to have DD. Mostly because it wouldn't be fair on them looking after 2 1 year old kids, one of whom has never met them or been to their house.

[NoFucksImAQueen]

My 1 year old would love a meal out, she'd be in her element.
Ds2 would have caused a scene but when ds1 was small he was great in restaurants and people used to come up to me and comment on how well behaved he is was.
If your daughter was a toddler then I could understand but not all babies would be bored so I don't get why everyone assumes they would

[RB68]

if your child is used to this situation I would just go ahead if you are not drinking if you can take your car then if you need to leave you can etc but I wouldn't let her bother you she is overlaying what she wants here. In this situation I would have spoken to my Mum and gone with what she preferred ie was she bothered if DD was there or not. My DD spent lots of time out and about and in restaurants when she was under 12 mths, mostly as she was so prem and tiny, people were not confident to babysit her so she came with and was no bother and even as an older child knows how to behave in a restaurant and I would take her to any including fine dining as she behaves well and enjoys good food. She is 11 now

[slenderisthenight]

Yes, I think she's out of line.

Family get-togethers should be inclusive and if they're not, a date should be agreed when everyone can get childcare. I'm assuming there are only two of you needing it so this wouldn't have been difficult.

She is also rather high-handed trying to dictate whether you do decide to bring your child along or not.

A pleasant but assertive conversation would be taking place if this were me!