To feel like my dad is a prize arsehole?

(14 Posts)
PaulDacresButtPlug Tue 29-Nov-16 09:26:18

My dad lives in Thailand. Long story, but we fell out over it initially (think sleezy Westerners thinking it's brilliant sitting with their young Thai 'girlfriends') and now he lives there as he also had major financial issues in the UK. Basically he ran away. He has run away from things before, he has form for it.
His mother who he hasn't seen for nearly 10 years is terminally ill, and probably in her last few weeks. I and his brother and partner are all trying to get hold of him to get him to come back. The only way of contact anyone has is via email. The same email he was using to occasionally email his mother, so it's not like he's stopped using it.
So far, despite being told the full situation several times, and over the course of a week, and how he needs to get here asap, he has not responded.

He is awful with anything medical, he will faint or say or do something stupid and inappropriate as he cannot cope. He also has a long list of people who would not be happy with him if they saw him, as he owes most of them money.
I don't care. This is his mother, and his mother is dying. I think he is an absolute twat and this is, along with the multiple other things, the final straw.
I am so fucking angry!!
AIBU...?

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Tue 29-Nov-16 09:29:14

YANBU. He does sound like a prize wanker!

How does his mum feel about the situation? Is she asking to see him or is she accepting the fact he's a selfish arse?

KoalaDownUnder Tue 29-Nov-16 09:29:48

YANBU.

Twat. And arsehole.

PaulDacresButtPlug Tue 29-Nov-16 09:34:13

Sissy she's not really mentioned it to me, she knows we no longer speak but doesn't know the specifics. She asked his brother to contact him though. I think she is hanging on for him to come and see her so she can then let go and die knowing she has seen him.
Wanker

chitofftheshovel Tue 29-Nov-16 09:38:28

Jesus, your dad has out twatted mine, and that's saying something.

I would stop contacting him, he can miss out on the precious last few weeks and the subsequent celebration of life when your granny passes.

Best of luck with everything at this tough time.

chitofftheshovel Tue 29-Nov-16 09:41:25

Although from your update, if you feel she's hanging on to see him...that makes it more difficult.

Evilstepmum01 Tue 29-Nov-16 09:42:05

Your dad is a prize arsehole. In fact on this alone, he wins THE arsehole prize.

Your poor granny. I hope he does the right thing, for everyones sake.

flowers

0nline Tue 29-Nov-16 09:42:34

It was a very long time ago, but a quarter of the staffroom in almost all the language schools I worked at in Thailand was made up of clones of your father.

The running away from money problems back home pinged a specific radar.

Do you know what kind of visa he has ? If it is tourist, those with a record for running away from money problems back home often repeated the behaviours that caused them. And as a consequence some found themselves behind with visa runs for renewal. Which means the fine they have to pay to leave the country builds up. So they put it off.... and the future debt to be paid to leave just balloons.

Might be worth asking him directly if some kind of money barrier is causing him to ignore the information you are sending him. I found a lot of them went very "hedgehog meets ostrich" about it, and unless pressed wouldn't admit they were in a "I am ignoring the looming issues" hole they couldn't see a way out of.

Big fat hug sweetie. I'm so so sorry you are having to deal with this.

gamerwidow Tue 29-Nov-16 09:43:44

He is a twat but you can't change him. Better to accept it and not spend your DGMs precious final days trying to force him to be a decent human being. Devote your time to making your most of the time left instead.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Tue 29-Nov-16 09:44:24

That really is awful. If he's been informed of these things and still hasn't bothered to get in touch then he's beyond hope.

Presumably he'll be sniffing around when the estate is being divided up!

AndShesGone Tue 29-Nov-16 09:57:54

Send him an email saying she's dead and the reading of the will and the funeral are this Friday.

The fucker will turn up.

PaulDacresButtPlug Tue 29-Nov-16 10:18:30

AndShesGone you're a bloody genius!!

Its very hard, I think she wants to see him, to tie up loose ends. I have - I usually have far more scruples - even tried to hack into this email but unfortunately didn't have the right info. At least that way I could make sure he hadn't read them, and then we know where we stand. While I am more than sure he knows what is actually happening it is good to have solid proof!
I am scrolling Facebook and emailing bars and places he has been. No luck so far. Any other suggestions I might not have thought of...?

Evilstepmum01 Tue 29-Nov-16 10:39:08

*Send him an email saying she's dead and the reading of the will and the funeral are this Friday.

The fucker will turn up.*

This! Brilliant! sad, but necessary!

mumonashoestring Tue 29-Nov-16 10:44:59

Interpol - my grandmother died very suddenly and unexpectedly and Interpol helped track my aunt down. She was away travelling at the time and we had no set way of knowing exactly where she'd be until she managed to check in from some random village's one phone...

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