To ask if you would behave like this?

(41 Posts)
WillIAmTell23 Sun 27-Nov-16 11:55:25

My sister is going through a hard time at the moment and doesn't live with nice flatmates; we live in the same big city but about an hour away from each other, so I invited her to spend the weekend with me. I had work to do but was hoping we could have done quality time together and enjoy each other's company.

The problem was, she only ever seems to want things on her terms/behave as if she lives in my house! It's a house share, everyone's nice but still a bit awkward just to do things without asking me. I've cooked for her all weekend and washed up etc. This morning, she woke up before me and went downstairs, leaving my bedroom door wide open. Made toast for herself and an individual pot of coffee and went and sat in the lounge to eat it. I have a huge room, she could have eaten upstairs or even made breakfast for me (!) - she then went back into my bed to play on her phone/read the paper.

She also shouted at me several times, obviously designed to embarrass me/show me up in front of my housemates. I don't get it! Is this an acceptable way to behave at someone's house?!

Scooby20 Sun 27-Nov-16 12:00:01

Shouting at you isn't ok. Why do you feel it was designed to embarrass you, rather then her just being mean?

Are her house mates not very nice? Or does she shout at them too?

But I don't get what she did wrong over breakfast. Why couldn't she eat it in the lounge?

You said she was up before you, why would she make breakfast if you were still asleep? Seems quite considerate to eat downstairs if you were still in bed. I don't see the issue with her going good back to bed either.

TheWitTank Sun 27-Nov-16 12:00:12

The making herself toast and eating in the lounge wouldn't bother me at all (I don't like eating in bedrooms!) and I wouldn't mind her making herself at home with the reading in bed (why not?) but the shouting sounds really off -why is she shouting at you?!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Sun 27-Nov-16 12:01:21

Hmm, I'm wondering if problems with her housemates are totally one sided.
But no, as a guest you respect boundaries, help out and be polite and respectful.
When is she going?

YelloDraw Sun 27-Nov-16 12:03:22

Your sister doesn't live with nice flat mates? Sounds to me like she isn't that great to live with!

YelloDraw Sun 27-Nov-16 12:05:06

But I don't get what she did wrong over breakfast. Why couldn't she eat it in the lounge

Shared house etiquette - you don't expect to go downstairs and find a random boyfriend or sister on their own in the lounge.

WillIAmTell23 Sun 27-Nov-16 12:05:45

Ok fine, I just thought it would have been nice/thoughtful if she had asked me what I wanted to eat or made a large pot of coffee for us to share when I woke up - as I have done for her this whole weekend! I'm not really sure why she came as she doesn't seem to want to see me. Tbf we both raised our voices at each other but I find the things she says and way she talks to me (contemptuously) quite difficult to deal with.

JenLindleyShitMom Sun 27-Nov-16 12:06:10

Err she can't make herself toast and coffee while you're still in bed? Are you serious? She ate in the living room so as not to disturb you. What is wrong with you?

WillIAmTell23 Sun 27-Nov-16 12:06:49

Exactly Yello! My room is huge and she could have just brought it upstairs. That's what I keep encouraging/asking her to do but she says she prefers to eat in the lounge!! it's not up to her

Scooby20 Sun 27-Nov-16 12:07:46

I have house shared a few times. It's never been an issue. You know there are visitors staying (the sister has been there all weekend) expect to see them around. I find it odd that people would house share and expect visitors to be kept in the bedroom for the whole visit.

Besides which if there was a no eating in shared areas rule I wonder if the OP made that clear.

WillIAmTell23 Sun 27-Nov-16 12:07:52

No Jen. Obviously she can! But I have waited on her this whole weekend, it would have been nice if she had made a coffee for me. And as above ate in my room.

JenLindleyShitMom Sun 27-Nov-16 12:09:35

it's not up to her

Again, what the actual fuck is wrong with you? How on earth is it not up to her? She wasn't eating in another housemates room she was eating in the communal living room. You absolute control freak! No wonder She needed some space from you.

WillIAmTell23 Sun 27-Nov-16 12:12:30

Lol are you her Jen Lindley? So abusive. Why the swearing?

JenLindleyShitMom Sun 27-Nov-16 12:14:24

No my sister is normal grin

WillIAmTell23 Sun 27-Nov-16 12:15:44

Good for you! House shares don't work like that though - it's a respect thing fit flatmates...

WillIAmTell23 Sun 27-Nov-16 12:15:55

*for flatmates

Arfarfanarf Sun 27-Nov-16 12:16:18

You chose to wait on her. You didnt have to. You chose to have her stay. You didnt have to. If she's being a pain - tell her to go home and don't have her to stay again.
Is she still there? Go tell her she's been a brat all weekend and she needs to bugger off home.

JenLindleyShitMom Sun 27-Nov-16 12:19:23

Houseshares don't work like people being normal? confused they do. You're just odd wanting to dictate where another adult eats their breakfast.

ememem84 Sun 27-Nov-16 12:19:38

So if you have flatmates no one is allowed to eat in the communal living room? That you are all paying for? Do you never use it?

Yes it's about respect. Maybe your sister respected the fact that you were still in bed/sleeping/didn't want to disturb you so quietly went about breakfast.

Maybe she wanted to be quiet for a bit. And watch tv.

Maybe you are a bit of a control freak

PenguinsandPebbles Sun 27-Nov-16 12:23:49

I don't get why she wouldn't make herself a coffee and some toast and eat it downstairs when you were asleep?

Sounds like she came to join you when you were awake.

Surely after a weekend of being in the house she had met the other people? Or do they all just sit in their rooms too.

WillIAmTell23 Sun 27-Nov-16 12:27:13

I'm just hurt she didn't do the sane for me - she could have made enough for two but only thought about herself. She holds me to exacting standards when I come to her house but does not apply these at mine

Cherrysoup Sun 27-Nov-16 12:27:52

I think she was trying not to wake you up, allowing you a lie in. It's surely allowed to eat in the lounge? And normal? If she's been such a pain, just don't have her to stay again, simple.

JenLindleyShitMom Sun 27-Nov-16 12:27:57

You were sleeping!!

Scooby20 Sun 27-Nov-16 12:30:41

You aren't just hurt she didn't make you breakfast. You are annoyed (for reasons I don't get) that she ate in a communal area. Is there a rule in your house that guests must stay in the bedroom?

She made and ate her own breakfast because you were not up. And tbh, you seem to have such unusual standards that maybe she didn't realise that what you expected.

Part of me thinks you would still be annoyed if she had made her breakfast and yours and woke you up with it. The AIBU would be about it being rude to wake someone up.

TotallyOuting Sun 27-Nov-16 12:31:15

House shares don't work like that though - it's a respect thing fit flatmates...

Are the people you live with strangers in this set-up? Walking down of a morning to a randomer you'd never seen was a bit dodgy, but having people you know are staying for the weekend there was so not an issue when I was at uni. But my housemates weren't complete strangers to me.

I get the contempt thing though - my sister is the same, a lot. She was brought up to be like that to me and hasn't stopped despite being an adult now. I've learned not to have anything to do with her, though.

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