To say I'd prefer it if he stayed in

(48 Posts)
BooeyBubbleHead Sat 26-Nov-16 03:36:32

I'm 37 weeks pregnant, in a fair amount of discomfort with sciatica, acid reflux and round ligament pains. My DD1 was born healthy at 37+3 due to incompetent cervix. I also have an unrelated health condition that could lead to an early birth (I have consultant led care).

DH & his best mate have form for going OTT on drink when they go out together (which isn't often these days, to be fair), resulting in DH's extreme 2 day hangovers that eliminate him from taking part in family life.

He works very long hours all over the country so he is often home late or stays away from home. This week he came home pissed on one occasion (train journey - no driving), and we had a conversation about him not drinking from that point until baby arrives (so he can drive me to hospital/get himself to hospital). He was in agreement with this but said he may arrange to meet his mate for a lunchtime pint at the weekend (I was skeptical about this but said this would be ok if it was just a pint - experience tells me it wouldn't be though).

Yesterday he announced that he would be going on one last "blow out" with his best mate on Sat night before he "makes the sacrifice" of going on s drink ban. hmm

I went off on one and told him I'd prefer him to a. Be sober ready for baby's arrival and b. Avoid hangovers so I can get some help with DD, now that I am really uncomfortable and fatigued. He has agreed. But now I feel bad, and I know his friend will be accusing me of being selfish.

WIBU to say no?

Tumtitum Sat 26-Nov-16 04:01:00

I'm YANBU. My DH also has form for going OTT with certain friends and. I way would I have let him have a blow out at 37 weeks pregnant!!!

WellErrr Sat 26-Nov-16 04:15:47

YANBU.

princesspineapple Sat 26-Nov-16 04:18:00

YANBU. My DP is exactly the same and was on a drinks ban from 37 weeks too, and I didn't have another child to look after. I was terrified that he'd be drunk / hungover and I'd go into labour... How does that look to the midwives if you're alone because of a drunk partner?!
If one last blow out was so important, they should have planned it earlier.

CouldIHaveIt Sat 26-Nov-16 04:32:03

Seriously? I really struggle to see how you got pregnant with this manchild. You have an actual child already, who arrived bed 37+3, you are in a bad way and are likely to have the baby anytime. Yet he thinks going on a blow out is a good idea. Just what you need, a DH incapable of looking after your child, driving you to hospital or dealing with an emergency and smelling like a fucking brewery while you are in labour.

All this talk of what people will or won't 'let' their partners do makes me want to scream. How do you end up with men who NEED telling how to behave like adults? It would do my head in.

PeachBellini123 Sat 26-Nov-16 05:20:10

YANBU. What if you go into labour this weekend? I'm 35 weeks and my DH (who loves a few beers) has gradually cut down on going out and drinking.

I haven't had to ask him to do this - it just naturally happened because he's an adult and realises that I need him to be sober right now!

I'm assuming he's your birth partner? I'd have back-up plans in case he lets you down...

ohfourfoxache Sat 26-Nov-16 05:42:58

Yanbu at all.

If he was to go on a bender now I would be packing his bags, locking the door and finding another birth partner. This is not the time for him to come up with selfish shit.

Actually really angry on your behalf

lightcola Sat 26-Nov-16 05:52:45

How about he stay at home with your already DC and you go out for one last blow out...I.e a trip to see a friend or the cinema etc.

I hate men who think their only part to play in pregnancy is the "input" at the start.

DiegeticMuch Sat 26-Nov-16 07:50:01

Who cares what his friend thinks. You two have come to an agreement with which you're both satisfied, and his opinion doesn't matter.

WhooooAmI24601 Sat 26-Nov-16 07:54:16

It's a shame you have to go mad at him for him to see your side. A 'normal' man would surely see that going on a huge bender at this point would be selfish, stupid and pretty irresponsible. You shouldn't have to adult him. He ought to have worked it all out by this point.

I'd let him go. And I'd lock him out til he was willing to grow the fuck up and accept that opting out of family life because of a hangover isn't an option when you're a husband and father. Men like this remain babies eternally because those around them just pick up the slack. You are in no position to be picking up his slack.

As for his mate, he sounds like a twat. Anyone accusing pregnant women of being selfish for wanting some support needs their bollocks removing and using as a chew toy for an angry dog.

BooeyBubbleHead Sat 26-Nov-16 08:19:37

His friend is indeed a bit of a twat. Has put several guilt trips on DH/me over past few weeks because he hasn't seen as much of DH (due to work!). He is appalling to his DW.

DH is great 99% of the time, but sometimes catches me off guard by being ridiculously selfish or thoughtless. I never suggest that he doesn't go out/play his sport/stay overnight with work to avoid a long and early drive - we both try to be reasonable. So feeling like I had to say it yesterday made me feel like an old nag, and question myself - even though he did agree immediately.

He has got up early this morning to go and do the shopping and is quite handy around the house (when he is here) so he's not what I would class as a typical man child, but he does have the occasional tendency I suppose.

It was the "making a sacrifice" thing that tipped me over the edge - as though I'm making none! And as a pp said, why not arrange a babysitter and organize a "last" night out for the two of us, rather than him & his mate. Once the baby is here they will all go out "to wet the baby's head", which equally pisses me off! I know it's tradition but it's the women who have gone through hell but get the privilege of staying home with the baby (& other child/ren), and picking up the slack the next day too! I think I'll say no it suggest an alternative this time around!

SVJAA Sat 26-Nov-16 08:24:20

DP isn't a big drinker, but now and then has a big blowout with his old army pals (those nights can get seriously messy!)
Whenever I've been pregnant he's always turned down invites to big nights out, especially in the 3rd trimester. One of his pals wouldn't give up and was like your DHs pal, so DP told him where to go and they don't talk any more, because if he couldn't understand that potentially missing the birth of his child and not being there to support his pregnant partner wasn't ok, then he wasn't a friend in the first place.
I'd ask him to stay home, YANBU at all.

HerOtherHalf Sat 26-Nov-16 08:25:50

If I understand correctly, you have no issue at all with him going out or socialising, it's just the excessive drinking. I would say YANBU but then I can't be arsed with people getting drunk generally and those who do it habitually are a waste of oxygen IMHO. Why would you want to raise a family with someone who thinks it acceptable to roll in bladdered on a regular basis?

eurochick Sat 26-Nov-16 08:32:08

Wetting the baby's head is something I have only heard about in theory. I don't know anyone irl who has been enough of a twat to leave their partner and newborn to go drinking.

ByeByeLilSebastian Sat 26-Nov-16 08:36:50

Wetting the baby's head still happens euro. Fuck knows why.

Yanbu op. I don't really agree with telling your partner not to go out usually but at that point of pregnancy it should be a no brainer.

Bagina Sat 26-Nov-16 08:36:57

YANBU. Put your foot down and stick to your guns. He's a selfish twat who should've figured this out for himself by now. Just say no! Also the wetting the baby's head is done once he's put the kids to bed and does not result in a lie in of any sort. What fucking planet is he on???

It's this kind of shit that can really erode the love in a relationship.

Bagina Sat 26-Nov-16 08:40:12

Oh yes, and my dh is "pussy whipped": general term used to make him feel he should be out on the lash. There's always one mate like this whose marriage is usually in tatters.

BooeyBubbleHead Sat 26-Nov-16 08:41:07

Eurochic - it's a regular occurrence in my DH social circle. A few years back it was long weekends in Eastern Europe for stag do's, now they're all married so it's a calendar of baby-head wetting. What will be next, I wonder? Divorce parties??

BooeyBubbleHead Sat 26-Nov-16 08:42:30

Bagina - that is exactly the attitude of DH's friend!angry

NapQueen Sat 26-Nov-16 08:43:43

I'd be saying to him that if he is drunk or hungover he isn't coming into the birth.

And that if he misses the birth we will divorce.

He sounds a selfish fuck error.

WhooooAmI24601 Sat 26-Nov-16 08:45:22

One of DH's mates accuses him of being under the thumb because he rarely attends the lads nights away in Edinburgh every few months. I don't even take offence; his DW can't stand him and the rest of their mates think he's a dong. If putting his DCs before his mates makes him under the thumb, I reckon that's ok.

DeleteOrDecay Sat 26-Nov-16 08:49:33

YANBU, if he wanted 'one last blowout' he should have planned it earlier. You know from experience that you could go into labour at any time, he should realise this too and put his big man pants on.

Trifleorbust Sat 26-Nov-16 08:53:04

38 weeks here and I made exactly the same request of my DH - after 37 weeks, no nights out drinking. He is on board. Your partner needs to get a grip. You and the baby come first and you could go into labour any time now.

slowandfrumpy Sat 26-Nov-16 08:54:33

I agree with the poster who said that the 'last blowout' should be... that he offers to babysit this weekend while you go out to the movies/visit a friend/have a friend over (while he cooks).
You are not being even the slightest bit unreasonable.

sparechange Sat 26-Nov-16 08:59:21

"One last blowout"?

He is on driving duty, not death row, ffs

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