To be at the end of my tether

(8 Posts)
Kew1234 Sat 26-Nov-16 00:03:07

Long story short, 10 years of shit, lawyers, mediators etc. No maintenance. My boy is now a teenager and doesn't always want to go, he has his own life. Am I'm being unreasonable to follow my sons wishes and to want to say F@@@ you on requests to see the DS. I feel under threat every fortnight with the texts as to when he will be available. My view is it is my DC time, their view is that it is theirs and that if I don't facilitate I am the devil incarnate (I can deal with that). I feel like I am constantly fighting for my Ds rights to have a normal childhood

WorraLiberty Sat 26-Nov-16 00:05:08

When my teenage DS doesn't want to see his Dad, he tells him he's busy.

Why is it down to you to get involved?

Surely it's between them now?

Manumission Sat 26-Nov-16 00:07:01

YANBU.

Teenagers start to make their own decisions.

Is there an order in place you need to get varied or set aside?

ChocoChou Sat 26-Nov-16 00:09:35

How old is the teenager? I think at 13 he should probably still be going regularly... at 15/16 onwards I think it's more up to the child.
Does DS have his own phone? His dad can communicate with him and DS can give his reasons maybe

Kew1234 Sat 26-Nov-16 00:17:01

He has a phone, and access to Skype etc. His dad maybe sends him a message once a month. Normally to moan about me & lack of access which my DC rolls his eyes at. He is 13, but oh my the grief I get re him not going or not on the day that they have preference for. They did some serious bullying about Saturday morning football - saying it was unfair for him to do that on their weekends. These people are not normal. I feel like I am constantly battling for my sons rights.

WorraLiberty Sat 26-Nov-16 00:32:03

I think you need to put your energy into teaching your son how to politely but firmly, make his needs/decisions known to his Dad.

Then take a massive step back.

Stop communicating so much with your ex. Tell him to make arrangements with his son directly, and then be there for your son, supporting him if he gets any grief.

This will only get worse as he gets older and has a busy social life, so you'd do well to help prepare and support your son in dealing directly with his dad.

This is what I had to do and believe me, it paid off well in the end. My DS are now almost 25 and 17 and have no problem in telling their dad that they have their own lives, they still want to see him but they will not be guilt tripped or emotionally blackmailed into doing so.

Itsallgoodimtold Sat 26-Nov-16 01:01:43

If son doesn't want to go, don't encourage him, keep everything as transparent as your son will allow. Come up with suggested reasonable excuses for your son to use if he is not ready to be straight with them

Kew1234 Sat 26-Nov-16 10:45:04

Thank you itsallgood & Worral that is really good advice smile going to do it.

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