Do you judge? Toddler tantrums

(87 Posts)
Zaratall Thu 24-Nov-16 11:26:38

Oh my goodness I was that mum yesterday.

I've got two dc. My first was pretty much an angel, the second, not so much.

I can remember taking ds1 to swimming lessons and there was a woman with a baby that would high pitched scream the whole time and end up being fed crisps. I felt for the mum but secretly thought there must be something she could do. Having had a clam quiet child myself.

Now karma has come back to bite and I'm that mum.

My 17 month old spent yesterday's swimming lesson high pitched screaming. I took him out of the pushchair but he wanted to go in the water. Sat on the floor screaming when I wouldn't let him drown.

Screamed when I tried to put him back in. Wouldn't sit still on my lap. Books and toys are a waste of time, he chucks them on the floor. A lifeguard came over and gave me some water toys for him, but he decided he wanted to play the 'throw it across the floor and scream for mummy to pick it up' game. I wasn't playing so he screamed. Held him and walked around but he wants to pull my glasses off.

In the end I left and pushed him around the foyer and he didn't calm down.

I was so embarrassed I must have looked like such a crap parent.

DearMrDilkington Thu 24-Nov-16 11:30:32

No I wouldn't blink an eyelid. I'd just be glad it wasn't my dc!

Sirzy Thu 24-Nov-16 11:30:37

You were obviously trying to calm the situation so I think most parents would think "been there done that"

TheWitTank Thu 24-Nov-16 11:31:32

No, I very rarely do. The only time I have was when I witnessed a mum screaming at her toddler really aggressively with loads of swear words. Toddler jumped in a puddle and got her trousers wet. I realise that she may have had a long day of toddler behaviour, but the finger in the face, fucking little bitch language had me judging my arse off.

Peppapogstillonaloop Thu 24-Nov-16 11:32:04

Most of us have been there and don't judge! Anyone who does either had an easy kid or only has a baby. You will grow a thicker skin and not care soon!!

ladyvimes Thu 24-Nov-16 11:33:57

No never! I normally feel a kinship and it reminds me mine is normal! Ds is 3 now and has got worse! Don't usually feel judged either. People are either sympathetic or laugh!

OhFuds Thu 24-Nov-16 11:39:50

Nope I don't judge as I'm just happy it isn't my child.

Zaratall Thu 24-Nov-16 11:41:41

That should have said he did eventually calm down in the end when I pushed him into the foyer.

I'm usually quite thick skinned but he was a right handful. He's so unbelievably loud too.

Sparlklesilverglitter Thu 24-Nov-16 11:42:20

No I wouldnt because you held him, walked him around and then left for the foyer when he didn't calm down. You were clearly a parent trying!

I do sometimes judge parents that do nothing. The ones that don't even bother trying

NoSunNoMoon Thu 24-Nov-16 11:42:45

I would only judge a parent not trying to engage with the DC.

Dobbyandme Thu 24-Nov-16 11:43:23

I don't judge, my go-to response to a toddler tantrum is to catch the usually red-faced parent's eye and offer a sympathetic smile. Usually they smile back and look a bit relieved.

The majority of people know that toddlers have tantrums and that there is usually nothing the parent can do apart from feel useless and ashamed, even though they aren't and shouldn't be.

We're at 15 months with DD and we haven't had a tantrum in public yet, so no doubt I will end up feeling as you did. Hopefully when it happens they'll be someone there to offer me a smile or water and toys for DD. You were in a situation where it peobably happens all the time and people probably only felt sympathy for you.

EatTheCake Thu 24-Nov-16 11:43:44

I wouldn't of judged you based on that because you done everything you could to try and calm your child.

I only have issue with parents that can't be fucked to parent

YoungPretenderMortificado Thu 24-Nov-16 11:43:59

Dear god no, no judging from me. I just thank fuck that the tantrum days are behind us.

Watching a toddler tantrum relentlessly in public is also good for any lurking broodiness that I may have so it's a public service in that regard wink

WankingMonkey Thu 24-Nov-16 11:44:53

I used to judge so much before I had kids. My god..what a shock to the system it was when I got the first public tantrum and all of my 'oh she just can't be arsed, something must calm them down, why not just talk to them and find out the problem' etc disappeared and I felt empathy for the many parents I had judged before.

pointythings Thu 24-Nov-16 11:45:01

Nope, nothing but sympathy from me. My two were angelic toddlers and never did tantrumming in public (at home quite another matter...) but toddlers are just hard work. If you're trying to restore calm, that's plenty. cake

FenellaMaxwell Thu 24-Nov-16 11:45:02

No, of course not! The only time I can think of that I have judged a screamy toddler tantrum was when it was taking place in a very naice Michelin star restaurant where we had all paid £££ to enjoy a quiet adult lunch!

Soubriquet Thu 24-Nov-16 11:45:39

I try not to judge but I must admit I judged hard when on holiday

Mum, dad and twin girls around 3 years old.

One of the twins was having a tantrum, so mum picked her up chair and all and placed her in the corner facing the wall and went back to eating her dinner.

The poor girl screamed her head off, crying for her mum.

We had to sit there and listen to her scream whilst her mum just sat there and ate. Dad did nothing.

Eventually mum got up and moved to table out of eyesight and dad moved twin back to the table. But the girl only wanted her mum so kept on crying

Was glad to finish eating and get out of that restaurant

Amithenormalone Thu 24-Nov-16 11:47:09

No I don't I seem to be always that mum. I have 2 dcs with autism and one that literally screams and shouts when ever we go out.

WorraLiberty Thu 24-Nov-16 11:50:28

No, I'd only judge if your buried your face in your phone and let everyone else suffer the noise.

You sound as though you handled it quite well really, considering that sometimes nothing works at all.

BishopBrennansArse Thu 24-Nov-16 11:52:28

No. no way would I - mine still go for high pitched screaming at 12, 11 and 8 (ASD) so I have every sympathy!

Zaratall Thu 24-Nov-16 11:52:47

Thanks smile

Very rarely did ds1 tantrum. I was so lucky. I can actually remember the times he did which I could count on one hand. But then I only had him to focus on.

It's a shame really because I wouldn't mind taking the toddler in the water, but it's all closed for lessons.

LittleLionMansMummy Thu 24-Nov-16 11:56:56

No. I've often looked at them, but more out of misty eyed nostalgia and pity than anything! Ime most other people feel the same. The only ones to judge are those with no prior experience!

hellsbellsmelons Thu 24-Nov-16 11:58:13

Nope, I never judge.
I look on with my sympathetic 'been there, got the t-shirt' look.
If in a supermarket queue I will do my best to pull faces and chat to the child.
They are usually so shocked they shut up pretty quick and start smiling at me.
Not sure if it's helpful for the parent or not, but they usually smile at me too so I carry on!

NavyandWhite Thu 24-Nov-16 11:58:47

I can't bear certain noises, children screaming is one of them. But I really wouldn't judge you. I've been there. I have been over to mums with toddlers like this in the past to say hello, can I help. It's always been met with relief that someone understands.

BastardBernie Thu 24-Nov-16 11:59:36

I'd never ever judge a parent over a tantrumming child.

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