AIBU to give up after this cheating bastard?

(7 Posts)
ConfusedRabbit Thu 24-Nov-16 07:43:00

Ok, the title is probably OTT. What I really want to know is - after someone has looked you in the eye and lied to you (and convinced you!) and cheated on you for a year, how do you find the trust to start again with someone else? It's been a year since we broke up and I still can't see how I could be relaxed and confident in a new relationship. Mostly I just can't believe I was so bloody gullible, and I'm worried I could easily get suckered again. angry I don't want to be cynical and bitter, but I don't know how to go back to being trusting after this.

However, I know there are many people who move on from much worse cheats and have successful, happy relationships. I've seen a few such people on here. So...AIBU to ask how you do it?

Please help, I don't want to be Miss Havisham sad

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 24-Nov-16 08:01:51

It took me 4 years to get to the point where I might be able to trust someone. Fortunately I met someone who gets it and understands why I find it tricky. I do trust this new person, but every so often I have a wobble and they prop me back up and remind me they are not the same.
Don't rush you need time to heal.

ConfusedRabbit Thu 24-Nov-16 13:24:52

Thanks for replying smile It's good to hear you've come through the aftermath and found a good 'un. Hopefuly I'll get there too at some point.

Greengoddess12 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:29:49

Make sure you don't blame yourself op or feel you should change.

Cheats are very plausible.

There are nice guys out there too flowers

Maz2444466 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:44:49

It's very hard but time is a great healer, I know it sounds cliche but it's true. Im glad I fell for a cheating bastard before DH as I'm now so appreciative of how nice DH is and i would never take him for granted which I think I might have done if I hadn't experienced the other side of how relationships can be.

Maz2444466 Thu 24-Nov-16 13:47:58

What I mean is o used to like bad boys and would have thought DH was 'too nice' but now I know firsthand there's NOTHING excitingly about bad boys, they are just immature and selfish. Lesson learnt

ConfusedRabbit Thu 24-Nov-16 20:28:06

It's easy to blame myself GreenGoddess but I'm trying.

Maz, that's a nice way to think about it. Hopefully I'll appreciate a good man all the more when he comes along.

Thank you both flowers

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