In thinking DH needs to change his behaviour

(8 Posts)
inthekitchensink Wed 23-Nov-16 17:57:16

DH is worrying me with his behaviour. We had a baby a few months ago and he is great with her, though gets quiet and withdrawn when tired.

He switched a very well paid job to a more stable one with a friend's company on lower pay, but still good. But he hates it, and regrets it hugely and is so resentful he still hates his work and is taking home less pay. He wanted to take a couple of months off but financially it's not possible right now. So he is very cross and fed up about it.

He is constantly negative about the job, works at home as often as he can and doesn't do much which he then feels guilty and pissed off about. He might get up at 8.30 and go in to the office for 10.30 and he doesn't do nights with the baby when he has to work the next day. Today he took the first train going anywhere and ended up in a random depressing town and then came home in a foul mood. He won't go to the dr about depression which I think this is, and I think he has to change his mindset, keep applying for other jobs and be less moody and unreliable, or see the doctor re possible meds. Aibu?

JellyBelli Wed 23-Nov-16 18:00:14

YANBU, that sounds serious. Most people can suck it up and get on with it while making plans to improve things. He sounds very immature.

inthekitchensink Wed 23-Nov-16 18:02:45

Thanks Jelly, I fear he is rather immature in his thinking. But if he is depressed then I can understand it. I just want him to DO something about it.

JellyBelli Wed 23-Nov-16 18:13:55

Depression, anxiety and unhappiness can make us very self centered. How about you start off by telling him you know he is unhappy, and ask what he wants out of life?

inthekitchensink Wed 23-Nov-16 18:40:54

I have tried, - he reiterates how much he loves us and how happy he is outside of the job, and how he needs a break. He could take some annual leave, or talk to the doctor, but just doesn't sad

Bluntness100 Wed 23-Nov-16 18:43:47

Can he apply for other jobs? Seems like the new job is the issue and maybe being in a position where his friend is no longer his equal but his superior hurting his pride. Maybe he needs to look for other jobs.

inthekitchensink Wed 23-Nov-16 18:52:32

That's a good point re seniority, I hadn't thought of that. He is constantly applying for stuff but it's a hugely competitive market and unlikely to be much around til the new year.

inthekitchensink Wed 23-Nov-16 19:04:31

I know it's unfair to be pissed off about it, but I have PND and stay as positive as possible, see my GP, the HV, the shrink, take my meds and ask for help when I need it. Just need him to take some action and either suck it up or take the steps needed. I'm just tired of the constant negativity, bad moods and strangeness. Thank you for your replies, it really helps

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