To ask friend to limit the photos on a night out?

(90 Posts)
Ziggitypop Tue 22-Nov-16 19:19:09

So, I'm going out with the girls next week, I love them, they're brilliant
But
One of the gang has a real obsession with photos. She's in her early 40's (we all are) but an average day she'd post about 3 or 4 selfie type photos on FB. Trout pose type things. A recent weekend away resulted in 56 photos, almost all selfie type poses rather than photos reflecting the weekend away.
Fine if that's what she wants to do, it's her life.

The problem is, since ds was born I have piled on a lot of weight, I'm really self conscious, never feel attractive and hate having my picture taken.
Every outing with her becomes an endless round of "now all pout, let's all blow kisses, now all pull face etc..." Photos.
Which will be on FB before our food's arrived!
I'm not a complete grinch, no objection to the odd group pic or action shot. I just want to relax.
Aibu to text before hand and just ask her to keep pics to a minimum?
I'm starting to dread going because of this as I hate the way I look!!

HarrietSchulenberg Tue 22-Nov-16 19:21:55

Just stick two fingers up in front of your face in every single photograph. She might eventually get the hint.

CurlyWurlyCatcher Tue 22-Nov-16 19:24:12

That sounds really annoying. Is she the type of friend that you can just be honest with?

Redglitter Tue 22-Nov-16 19:26:11

I would just tell her straight. Get in the photos you're happy with and tell her to exclude you from the others . If you're not comfortable don't feel pressurised into it.

Electrolens Tue 22-Nov-16 19:29:21

If she's your friend then be honest - and in a call or face to face not a text, which can be misinterpreted - say it's lovely to have a few group but you'd rather not have loads of pics of you up on FB.

squoosh Tue 22-Nov-16 19:29:26

I have a friend like this. I just go full on celeb running the paparazzi gauntlet, scowly face and hand up. I will pose for one photo on a night out but I'd rather have fun! 🍹🍹💏

CockacidalManiac Tue 22-Nov-16 19:29:42

Yes, just tell her that you don't want to be in any photos.

Ziggitypop Tue 22-Nov-16 19:31:06

Curly I think she is, she's not really moody or anything. Just that photos clearly mean a lot to her so don't want to make her feel crap confused

Kinraddie Tue 22-Nov-16 19:32:06

If she's tagging you in the photos, you can change your FB settings, so that you can review the photos first, and choose whether or not for them to be visible on your timeline. I suppose mutual friends will see the photos anyway, but this will stop them being shown to all your other contacts.

CockacidalManiac Tue 22-Nov-16 19:33:40

Curly I think she is, she's not really moody or anything. Just that photos clearly mean a lot to her so don't want to make her feel crap

Her feelings don't trump yours.

Ziggitypop Tue 22-Nov-16 19:39:29

Kinraddie: thanks will check this out, I work in a school and we regularly get warnings about not posting drunk photos, not really an issue as I'm a boring old fart generally but we live in hope grin

Good point Maniac!

Chinlo Tue 22-Nov-16 19:46:38

Just deactivate facebook. Problem solved.

ElspethFlashman Tue 22-Nov-16 19:49:15

Problem is "to a minimum" to her might be 10 pics!
It sounds like she's going to take them regardless, as she's so addicted.

I would tell her that you just don't want to be in any photos. Doubtless she'll try to convince you to change your mind. I wouldn't bother having a deep and meaningful about body image - I'd just joke that she can think you're wierd all she likes as long as she's not in any pics! And change the subject, message sent.

But yes, definitely change your settings to review before tagging. It's brilliant - there have been times where I had no idea any pic of me was taken & put up until I got the notification to review! The pics may stay up but at least my name isn't on them.

Hulababy Tue 22-Nov-16 19:50:03

Use that as your reason then.

Your school is having a crack down on social media among staff - pretend there's been an incident. So you need to be really careful. Can she make sure you are not on ANY photo she uploads (or takes) as you are being extra careful at the moment.

hotdiggedy Tue 22-Nov-16 19:51:34

I went out with a group of people recently (mothers and their offspring!) and one of the mothers kept taking loads of photos of her daughter and another girl. the daughter was doing the trout pout thing in all the photos. Very strange as I'm still used to the odd group photo without any pouting going on but then I suppose its a sign of the times.

Can you sit away from her so as not to be in too many photos or just do one photo and tell her your had enough now (in some kind of jokey way!)

ShowMePotatoSalad Tue 22-Nov-16 19:51:44

I would just tell her how you feel.

And if she does take some pics maybe just get in a couple if you want to and stand out of the others...I bet there are others in your group who will want to do the same as you.

I always hate having my picture taken too. Plus I prefer to be in the moment and enjoy being with people rather than just taking pictures all the time.

Ziggitypop Tue 22-Nov-16 19:51:46

Ah chinto, now you're giving me the Wobblies!!
Deactivate Facebook???? How do people survive? grin

SaltyBitch Tue 22-Nov-16 19:52:18

Offer to take the photo every time.

carefreeeee Tue 22-Nov-16 19:52:33

This kind of behaviour really annoys me - why can't people just enjoy seeing their friends without having to spend half the evening on FB.

If you say anything she'll probably think you are grumpy but I would just say 'please don't put any pics of me on FB i just want to relax and enjoy myself'

Laiste Tue 22-Nov-16 19:54:29

Take a paper cut-out of someone else's face on a stick with you and whip it up in front of your own face every time.

Trying to think of someone funny or really inappropriate ... grin

nennyrainbow Tue 22-Nov-16 19:55:50

I had a mask of Donald Trump which would have been perfect for this. Unfortunately we burnt it on the guy on Bonfire Night.

Laiste Tue 22-Nov-16 19:59:12

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhh.

Not Donald Trump!

(See my thread grin)

PippaFawcett Tue 22-Nov-16 20:01:53

This is SO annoying! And I also have put on a lot of weight and unfortunately I have occasionally not attended certain social events because I don't want to be involved in constant photos. I do have my settings on FB so that I approve photos but that wouldn't stop all our mutual friends seeing them of me even though I wouldn't be tagged. I have a friend who even takes photos of her Costa coffees - who hasn't seen what a latte looks like?!

AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 22-Nov-16 20:02:41

Just avoid photos? Swerve out of them. I have a friend just like this, and a few friends who don't like photos - they just swerve them, make sure they are out of the way. If someone new comes and tries to get them in, they politely decline. It's kept things nice - photo friend gets photos (oddly she feels she hasn't had such a good night without them!) but people who don't want photos don't get involved.

I just play it by ear, I'm in some and not in others. But I am contrary! Ha.

Bertucci Tue 22-Nov-16 20:03:12

God I hate this.

A friend in our group does it. One of the group is massively overweight and the other friend will put photos of her on FB, complete with tag just so as many people as possible see. Big friend always untags herself but the other one never gets the message.

She'll also put really unflattering pics up of people ( only good ones of herself though). Totally insensitive.

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