Ex didn't give DS6 his preventer inhaler medication this weekend

[Slummamumma]

DS has been prescribed a preventer inhaler to use when he has a bad cough during the winter months (about 2 years ago). He is to be given it twice daily. I gave Ex this information just before last weekend in a text, he responded "OK". DS spent weekend with his dad, no medication given at all despite info given and OK response! DS is not one to lie or make stuff up and I am inclined to believe that his father didn't give him the medicine. ex has mentioned before that he "doesn't like pumping him with steroids".Well, nor do I but surely a few times a year to help breathing issues is important? I don't know what to do about this. I have sent him a text asking him why he didn't give it to him but he has not responded. WWYD?

[Saucery]

SEnd him a link to asthma.uk? Lots of useful info on there for reassurance about the steroid element of preventers which may put his mind at rest if he is genuinely concerned and not just being an obstructive twerp.

[Slummamumma]

Thank you saucery I will do that

[Sirzy]

Can you get your ds isn't the habit of asking for it when he gets up and just before bed? And then text your ex to make sure he has had it?

[Saucery]

I must admit you do hear the word 'steroids' when they are small and worry a bit, but asthmauk and our practice nurse helped reassure us.

[harderandharder2breathe]

There was an episode of House where a patient said that she didn't like using such strong drugs on her child. House pointed out that yes they are strong and the prescribing doctor weighed up the risks of the steroids against the risks of asthma (i.e. Not breathing) and decided that steroids were the lesser risk. I know it's fiction but it put the argument more clearly than I've heard before.

Can you teach your son to use his inhaler himself and to do it when he's at his dads? If you don't already have a spacer then ask for one, it helps reduce the need for co-ordination of pressing the button and breathing, and makes a noise if you're breathing in too fast. It also makes the drug more efficient and my doctor explained why but I forgot

[Sirzy]

Given it's only for an occasional problem I am guessing it's a pretty low dose inhaler anyway? And the benefit of inhalers is that most of the steroid gets to exactly where it needs to be so the risks are minimal.

Unlike if his asthma gets uncontrolled due to not using his inhalers meaning he needs oral steroids.

[MonkeyPuzzledTree]

I think steroids a few times a year vs a very poorly child/hospitalisation for an athsma attack is much preferable.
Many children are put on steroids for various medical reasons, docs are well aware of the risks. Your ex is being very unreasonable.

I agree with trying to teach your DS to administer his inhaler himself, surely better than no inhaler at all and will maybe be a step towards feeling some independance with his condition?

Good luck

[CarShare]

Yes- very important he uses them regularly. Tell exH that if his peak flow worsens the chances are the GP will increase the dose so best he cracks on with taking what he's prescribed regularly.
As PP said, they are low dose and act locally so in no way is being pumped full of steroids.

[golfbuggy]

Shouldn't you check with ex whether he did in fact give the inhaler (with the best will in the world your DS might well have forgotten - I remember at similar age my DS seemed unable to remember for more than about 10 minutes later) and if he didn't whether there is some sort of "moral" reason or he just forgot ?

[golfbuggy]

Sorry when I said "check" I meant actually talk to him - not a good conversation to have via text!

[AwaywiththePixies27]

I think that you need to calmly explain the risks of not giving it. Preventers' can help stave off a nasty attack and literally anything can bring them on.

No one likes to pump their kid full of steroids but they're a 'needs must' thing.

OP, how old is DS? Can you pack him off with his inhalers in a 'cool' bag, I did this for DD. She now has a cool Monster High bag which is her medicine bag and she's quite good at taking them herself.

I landed myself in resus this summer with what started off as a simple head cold . I was taking my preventor and reliever inhalers and cold & flu tablets. Went to bed one night and literally couldn't breathe. I rang an aunt who heard me wheezing down the phone and rang 999. By the time I'd got to resus (24/48hours) that head cold was already a nasty infection setting up in my lungs and causing havoc. Not meaning to worry or scare you but I ended up like that with my preventor inhalers so its important he keeps taking them.
Oh and my asthma had never really bothered me before either

[Slummamumma]

Yes good ideas re teaching DS to take it himself, he is now pretty responsible about medicine as we have discussed it but he is 6 and chances are that Ex will just take it away. golf unfortunately, ex does not respond to anything verbally or written (even by a solicitor) and just ignores me. (even at drop-off/pickup/school and public meetings) - he loathes me. pixies27 I am so sorry to hear about your experience, how frightening. Yes, a friend of ours has a DD year above DS who had same prescription for same reasons and had a random attack last year , A&E but luckily OK -I told ex this but he probably thinks I made it up. Am drafting a stern email but linking through to athsma site and reminder of possibles against preventing. thanks for all your responses

[Slummamumma]

also thanks to those posters with info about prevention so low dose rather than dose having to be upped (which has happened now with his cough)

[ZebraOwl]

Blargh. Your EXH = an eejit if he's not bothered to educate himself on exactly what inhaled steroids for asthma are & doesn't understand that by depriving his son of his medication he puts him at risk of becoming acutely ill (& people do still die from asthma...) & needing to take a nice hefty dose of oral steroids which ARE quite nasty (but come out ahead in the risk/benefit analysis all the same). It's one thing to have an initial reaction of shock/fear, quite another to not bother finding out what the reality of the situation is.

Does your DS have a volumatic spacer or the aerochamber sort? The former (which TBH seems to have been phased out now, pretty much?) is a bit tricky for wee hands, but [most] 6yos can manage an aerochamber by themselves. If you've not already done so, stickers-on-spacers = always a win. You have to be careful when you wash it, but that's another way of getting your DS involved in managing his asthma.

It is really important for your son to know as much as possible about his asthma & how to manage it, too: 6 isn't too little to know when he takes his preventer inhalers/to take his reliever inhaler before exercising [if he needs to]. If he were to go on a sleepover he would probably need to manage for himself, so definitely good for him to learn.

Could you arrange for your exH to take DS to see the practice nurse at your GP? They're usually responsible for asthma management for people with mild asthma (maybe moderate as well?) so she could not only go over why it's so important your son take his medication but also show him correct inhaler technique etc.

TBQH though I suspect you may have to work on the basis that he's a muppet who's willing to put your DS at risk through his misguided notion; so DS very definitely needs to learn how to do his inhalers himself & to have the confidence to do so when at his DF's.

[Suppermummy02]

prescribed a preventer inhaler to use when he has a bad cough

did he actually have a bad cough over the weekend?

[Hissy]

Teach your son to take responsibility for his inhalers

If ex takes this off him, suspend visits

He has no right to neglect your son.

(I know he's his sons dad too, but he sure ain't acting like it...)

[Slummamumma]

supermummy yes he had been coughing all last week and right back again when he returned on Sunday. His teachers have also confirmed that he has been coughing a lot at school especially after lunch play (his preventer only having been given in the morning and evening). it was so bad Sunday night and yesterday that I booked a call with the GP to discuss. I cannot believe that he didn't cough all weekend - anyway, his cough was so bad last week that Ex should have given the medication, as asked, as I had said I would monitor it early this week and speak to the doctor.

[Slummamumma]

hissy I know, I would be happy to discuss this with Ex and the GP but he refuses to engage and it appears he has taken this into his own hands.

[ZebraOwl]

Ach, sorry, crossed posts.

Well, he's a gem isn't he?

I'm so sorry you're having to put up with this. Definitely make him aware that the treatment for an acute exacerbation of asthma - easily brought on by your DS not regularly taking his preventer inhaler as prescribed- would involve your son being put on a short course of oral steroids. And as PPs have said, the dose of preventer being upped as presumed to be ineffective.

If he won't believe you about the people you know, could you maybe send him links to news articles about children who've died from asthma attacks? (You just have to Google, I don't want to include any in case they're about someone a poster is connected to.)

[Sirzy]

Ot but preventer inhalers should be given all the time anyway to be properly effective

[Hissy]

Well then, you take your sons life into your own hands

Suspend all visits until he understands that he has a duty of care to his son.

Remind him that you're perfectly entitled to report him for neglect or child endangerment if he pushes it.

Waste of fucking space

He would see his own child suffer, potentially die, because he hates you.

He has no business expecting to have your child. He can't be trusted not to deliberately hurt him just to get to you.

My own mother did this to my son (not asthma) deliberately saw him suffer because she hated me.

[WLF46]

He probably just forgot. You sent him a text, he forgot about it. Humans do that. Politely remind him that it is very important that he doesn't forget again, and let your son take responsibility too - funny that he is able to tell you that he wasn't given his medication, but didn't think to ask his father where it was.

[Slummamumma]

WLF46 would you seriously forget about giving your child prescribed medication and then forget a text reminder about it? My son is 6 yrs old and does not tell lies. He also (naturally I believe) relies on grown ups to give him medication as this is what I have taught him as I never wanted to him to overdose. Ex had every opportunity upon receipt of that text to say that he had been wrong! What are you trying to say exactly? I will speak to him about asking his father for medication but the point here is that his father did not give him the prescribed medication not because he forgot but because he didn't want to

[AwaywiththePixies27]

slumma I'm wondering if me and you share the same ex he also ignores bloody everything including solicitors letters. I've had two attacks recently and got told on my first 'I should think twice about ringing 999 when I've got the DCs to look after' he was just pissed he had to do all the childcare for a week. diddums.

Try and keep things very matter of fact with him, find this works with my ex 'd'h, if he's 6, start teaching him how to do it himself, does he have a spacer to make it easier for him/gets most of the inhaler in. (not the big ones - an aerochamber one are easier for them to hold). Next drop off - tell him he's got x and y and he will be taking them as they're important. I've never understood people who are a bit scared of giving their DCs a potentially life saving medicine, they wouldn't hesitate if it was insulin would they?

It could genuinely be a case of simple forgetting on both parts but either way - he needs a gentle but firm reminder not to mess about with them.

[Slummamumma]

Just spoken to DS again. Apparently he did ask for daddy to give him medication but ex said "it would be a joke to give it to you as you haven't been coughing" he then told his father he had been coughing... no you haven't...