AIBU to think online dating might not work for some people?

(34 Posts)
gloomyjune Tue 22-Nov-16 17:04:29

I've tried a few but am still very single, and don't know how else to meet people. Everyone just says to try OD but AIBU to think it may not work for some of us.

harderandharder2breathe Tue 22-Nov-16 17:08:37

You may not meet mr/miss right the first time but the same is true of any way of meeting people. I think it may work better for older people as a lot of the young people on there aren't interested in anything long term, which is fine for them but not what everyone wants.

I still can't think of a better way of meeting a large variety of people who are looking for a relationship.

gloomyjune Tue 22-Nov-16 17:10:14

Well I've been trying on and off for nine years! grin

michy27 Tue 22-Nov-16 17:11:28

I'm 27, I met my partner three years ago on there. I think it's all down to luck.

thecatneuterer Tue 22-Nov-16 17:12:04

So what's going wrong? Are you not getting initial interest/replies? Or is it that they just don't turn into dates? Or is it that you go on dates but it doesn't go any further?

Colby43443 Tue 22-Nov-16 17:14:47

Online dating can work better because you meet more of a different variety of people. I met my dh online.

gloomyjune Tue 22-Nov-16 17:15:21

No initial interest mainly. Any I do get is peculiar.

c3pu Tue 22-Nov-16 17:20:53

It's a bit hit and miss. You have to have quite a thick skin, and a lot of perseverance to get to the few gems that are hidden amongst the offal.

Some people say that the square peg doesn't fit in the round hole... But sometimes you just need to get a massive fucking hammer.

gloomyjune Tue 22-Nov-16 17:29:30

Maybe, but how?

Colby43443 Tue 22-Nov-16 17:37:17

What worked for me was arranging a lowkey afternoon date with someone new every weekend, coffee or a walk or something else I enjoy. It was easier to finish early if someone wasn't the right fit, and in many ways I got to know people better than if I'd taken them to dinner.

gloomyjune Tue 22-Nov-16 17:41:34

But ... If you're not getting any interest you can't do that really.

ShatnersWig Tue 22-Nov-16 17:45:41

Think a lot also depends on where you live. Every single person I know in their 30s (including myself, although now 42) - and that's a lot - have tried online dating. Only one has got married and one other has a LTR. Everyone else has had either a few first and second dates but no more or nothing that lasted beyond 3 months. And that's over the last 6 years. Despite the statistics, odds do not appear to be good.

gloomyjune Tue 22-Nov-16 17:53:54

I know a lot of people who have married or had a LTR from OD. It just doesn't seem to happen for me, and it's depressing.

Colby43443 Tue 22-Nov-16 17:56:47

Have you looked at popular women's profiles your age? How do they differ?

gloomyjune Tue 22-Nov-16 17:57:58

Honestly, I think they are mostly just a lot more attractive blush

SG61 Tue 22-Nov-16 17:59:17

I have been with my lovely bloke for 2.5 years now - we met online, lived on opposite sides of London, would never have met in real life. But before him there were 12 other dates, lots and lots of "conversations" that went nowhere, some weirdos and one brief relationship. I also tried 4 separate dating sites until I found one that worked for me (and him). So please don't give up, just give it time. And stories of all the ones that don't work out are great for entertaining friends while you're waiting for the right one to come along 😀

gloomyjune Tue 22-Nov-16 18:02:50

I haven't got any of those stories, though. I've only had 3 dates shock

michy27 Tue 22-Nov-16 18:06:23

I had four disaster dates and one really creepy guy. But after a year I met my DP and he's amazing.

Colby43443 Tue 22-Nov-16 18:07:02

I personally found match.com really good. I paid for a prof linkedin style full length photo and I widened my search to within 100 miles, with a clear note that said first dates would happen in x city.

gloomyjune Tue 22-Nov-16 18:08:02

I've tried match, not had any joy. But it is probably me!

ThomasRichard Tue 22-Nov-16 18:08:26

I think speed dating might be better for some people as you actually get a feel for their personality and how you interact straight away.

Bluntness100 Tue 22-Nov-16 18:10:23

Ok, maybe you're not using the best photo, is it a happy friendly smiling one? What about your profile and interests, what do uou say about yourself?

thecatneuterer Tue 22-Nov-16 18:12:10

Do you contact men yourself, or just wait to be contacted? If it's the latter, try making the first move.

Colby43443 Tue 22-Nov-16 18:14:59

I always contacted first. That's why I was quite popular despite being overweight & not particularly pretty. Guys could see I was serious.

Colby43443 Tue 22-Nov-16 18:16:23

You sound like you have a confidence problem tbh Op

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