Partners doing housework

(98 Posts)
TheDollyLlama Tue 22-Nov-16 13:20:24

So ladies, is there a house training class you've signed your men up to that I missed?

My partner is lovely, but is clueless around the house! I'm 26 and he's 24. We've been together 3 years in March and our little one will be 2 the week before (I know, we didn't hang around!) we moved in together within the first 7 months of our relationship and I learnt to do everything (washing, ironing etc) as I'd lived with my mum who did everything, same with him. I suppose because of this, at least I never had any expectations before hand.

Now I think we generate invisible mess! I could leave the house for a week, overflowing washing baskets, crumbs on floor, washing up piling up and he doesn't think there's a problem! He works 4 long days and I work 3 but the responsibility falls on me. Because he's dyslexic dyspraxia he says he has memory problems and can't remember my instructions and when I made him do a wash load he shrunk my brand new shirt, so that was that!

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to do more? Are your partners quite happy to do their share or do you just think it's easier to do yourself? This is the only thing we (rarely) argue about so he's great in every other way!

Allthebestnamesareused Tue 22-Nov-16 17:41:44

Don't let him get away with it. It is 2016 not the 1950s.

There are plenty of different chores that he can't ruin things doing so tell him they are his responsibility.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Tue 22-Nov-16 18:07:08

Put your foot down early, from other threads on here the longer they get away with this feigned incompetence the harder it is to break the cycle.

Of course we all have annoying habits that our partners would like to change (DP's seeming deafness fucks me off) but housework is a shared job. Give him his own list of chores if need be and leave him to it. You shouldn't have to, it's ruddy pathetic to have to do it but if he has to be told to hoover on Tuesdays and dust on Thursdays then I guess it's better than nothing.

The fucking crumbs though - how is it possible not see that work surfaces need wiping down, it's just taking the piss to pretend not to.

JenLindleyShitMom Tue 22-Nov-16 18:09:08

So ladies, is there a house training class you've signed your men up to that I missed?

Well when I house trained my dog I took him outside every half hour, when he woke up and after he ate. Took a week or two to fully house train him, wouldn't pay out for a class though.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Tue 22-Nov-16 18:09:32

From experience I would say let him take care of his own washing and ironing and keep yours/DDs separate. If he wants to ruin his own things then that's his look-out but at least your own will be safe. I have different laundry baskets for his stuff and ours and the most I'll do is ask if he's got a white shirt that needs putting in with DD's school ones.

(He wears polo shirts mostly hence not having a white shirt needing doing very often.)

NapQueen Tue 22-Nov-16 18:10:51

Well if he has memory problems then a checklist may help?

Set tasks to do every day, and a weekly task for each day of the week.

Cant argue he forgot if its in black and white!

humblesims Tue 22-Nov-16 18:11:03

Does his dyslexic dyspraxia stop him functioning in the workplace? If not then I would suggest that it stopping him from doing household chores is a red herring.

Blueskyrain Tue 22-Nov-16 18:12:01

I didn't train him, he came far more domesticated than me, abs does more than me probably.

TheDollyLlama Tue 22-Nov-16 18:13:11

I know it's my own fault for letting it go in so long but I tend to leave it until I explode! He did have a list at one point and was making a thing of "oh I have to go clean the bathroom now" at ten o'clock at night because it was his day and he has been at work til late which would make me feel bad!

I'm not perfect (as much as I would love a spotless house) but it's the lack of understanding of what goes into keeping a house running that gets me!

Dusting doesn't happen on its own, mirrors don't clean themselves and don't get me started on scrubbing the loo after he pisses everywhere angry

ShowMePotatoSalad Tue 22-Nov-16 18:14:14

DH would never think to dust (it's just not on his radar at all), but he does pretty much all the laundry (I just fold and put away), so I don't complain. I do virtually all the cooking and in turn he does virtually all the washing up.

I have to remind him to do his share of cleaning bathroom but he does then do it.

It sounds like there is a legitimate reason why he struggles to remember but he can still pull his weight round the house. Just don't give him any of your clothes to wash haha.

TheDollyLlama Tue 22-Nov-16 18:16:27

Humble it has done in the past, he forgets to sign in sometimes which has caused problems but I'm sure if something is in front of you it would be harder to miss.

I feel mean even writing those post because he's a wonderful partner and dad! Just so messy hmm

JenLindleyShitMom Tue 22-Nov-16 18:16:53

don't get me started on scrubbing the loo after he pisses everywhere

Has he got no hands to direct his own fucking penis? angry

Why on earth didn't you march him straight back to it the first time he did it? Have you seriously been cleaning another adults piss?

stitchglitched Tue 22-Nov-16 18:17:02

My DP had lived alone since the age of 16 so was already used to doing his own housework, cooking, washing etc. I wouldn't have stuck around to housetrain a grown adult. However since you did stick around I think the best thing you can do is just stop doing anything for him. Don't do any of his laundry, don't cook his meals, gather up any of his crap that is in your way and put it in a binbag. Hopefully he is young enough that he might learn to pull his weight but in my experience lazy men who are happy to see their partners scurry around like their slaves aren't doing it because they don't know what to do, but because they don't care. He thinks it is your job and his time is more valuable than yours.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Tue 22-Nov-16 18:17:57

* He did have a list at one point and was making a thing of "oh I have to go clean the bathroom now" at ten o'clock at night because it was his day and he has been at work til late which would make me feel bad! *

So am I right in thinking he now DOESN'T have a list and you do it? If so it's worked out well for him hasn't it?!

PS I'm not having a go at you at all and I'm sure he's lovely but the housework thing really really fucks me off. I have to say that DP is capable and does it without either moaning or doing the 'look at me' bit which is equally annoying. But when I read about the lengths men will go to to get their partners to do all the slog work it makes me see red!

stitchglitched Tue 22-Nov-16 18:18:22

He's not a wonderful partner if he is happy to let you clean up his piss.

JenLindleyShitMom Tue 22-Nov-16 18:18:24

Christ my 7 year old knows how to wipe the toilet rim after himself if he dribbles!

Shannaratiger Tue 22-Nov-16 18:19:04

I have dyspraxia and believe me remembering things and doing them in the right order is a nightmare!!
However as the mother of an autistic, dyspraxic 13 Dd and a 10 year old ds with severe stress and anxiety I have to cope the best we.can.
Routine and lists are the key. Try and have an order and time to do house work and write it somewhere obvious or he'll forget where it is.
Time to bath ds, hope this helps. Back later if more questions.

JenLindleyShitMom Tue 22-Nov-16 18:19:27

Is your child a girl?

YelloDraw Tue 22-Nov-16 18:23:31

and don't get me started on scrubbing the loo after he pisses everywhere

You know what he is doing here? He is pissing on the floor and saying to you "TheDollyLlama* this is how much I value you. I think you deserve to wipe my piss up off the floor. I can't be bothered to piss into the toilet, because you deserve to be on your hands and knees wiping up my piss for me. This is all you are good for."

How is that a good relationship?

TheDollyLlama Tue 22-Nov-16 18:24:02

Jen yeah I have a little girl

I might add that he's not too bad at cooking dinner saying that. That's more of a shared task so I will let him off for that

Also I'm quite anal about cleaning the bathroom and kitchen so any mess is cleaned up pretty fast before it's a problem.

I think I need to go back to basics by the sound of it. Has anyone had a DP like mine and turned them into Kim & Aggie? wink

TheDollyLlama Tue 22-Nov-16 18:27:14

Yello I honestly don't think that is malicious, I might add that he's normally up at 5 ish trying not to wake the little one when that happens so lights are off, it's just the inconvenience of it. He's never made a point of 'me man, you woman' or anything like that, he just doesn't think

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila Tue 22-Nov-16 18:28:19

Even my 4 year old can wipe the wee off the toilet.

YelloDraw Tue 22-Nov-16 18:30:49

honestly don't think that is malicious

Not malicious - but every time he pisses on the floor and doesn;t wipe it up he IS saying through his actions that cleaning up piss is beneath him, and not beneath you. It is your job to wipe up his piss form the floor. You think that is a nice thing for your daughter to see?

Also, if he is such a fucking malcordinated man-child he can't piss into the toilet - he needs to sit down to piss . It is gross.

What does he do at friends houses? Does he piss on their floors when you go for dinner? At your parents?

YelloDraw Tue 22-Nov-16 18:31:55

o lights are off

Go onto amazon. Buy a stick on battery power motion activated night light. Stick on bathroom wall low down near the toilet. Simple.

JenLindleyShitMom Tue 22-Nov-16 18:33:47

Jen yeah I have a little girl

So will she get the privilege of cleaning daddy's piss when she grows older? If is good enough for mummy....

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