Sad Gramps

(16 Posts)
sunlady Tue 22-Nov-16 08:08:39

We bought a toy for our granddaughter for her birthday that needed to be assembled. When she opened it my husband told her that he would build it for her later in the day. He was really looking forward to sitting with her and assembling the gift.

When we got back from the park the other grandfather picked up the box and proceeded to assemble the toy, he knew that the gift was from us.

It was heart breaking to see the look of intense sadness on my husband’s face. He has had several life threatening illnesses over the last few years so every visit to our granddaughter is very special to him.

AIBU to feel upset about this? My son and daughter-in-law were in the room at the time so they obviously saw nothing wrong with the other grandfather assembling a gift that we had bought for our granddaughter.

Scooby20 Tue 22-Nov-16 08:25:02

I can see why you are a bit miffed. but honestly, let it go.

You bought the gift for your gc, your gc has the gift.

Also if he wanted to build it he should have done it there and then. Assuming your gc is young she will wanted it as soon as. Not 'here's a gift you will have to wait till later to play with it'.

I don't think anything was done out of malice. The gift was there, child wanted to play with it. It got built

CancellyMcChequeface Tue 22-Nov-16 08:26:01

YANBU to feel upset! I don't think the other grandfather would have meant any harm by it - it sounds more as if he was being slightly thoughtless than intentionally taking over. He (and your son and daughter-in-law) probably didn't realise how much it meant to your husband.

But it's so sad that your husband didn't get to assemble the gift with your granddaughter when he was looking forward to it so much. sad

sunlady Tue 22-Nov-16 08:31:44

Scooby20
No the gift could not have been assembled straight away. After the gifts were opened none were played with, we went to the park and only on the return were any of the gifts played with.

Jedimum1 Tue 22-Nov-16 08:38:18

The grandaughter won't mind, in my opinion. Grandad is romanticising the assembling process as something to do together, the reality of it is that GDaughter would just be impatient to see it assembled and would not really give much thought at the assembling part of it. Grandad 2 didn't see it as a way to spoil anything but of actually giving them more time, once assembled they could both play together? Since Grandad 1 is not in good health, it was probably done as a nice gesture. Honestly, most kids don't appreciate the building together as bonding time but would appreciate the playing together after it's been assembled. Either assemble it there and then next time, or just be grateful somebody else did and use the time to play with grandaughter with it. In grandaughter's mind, grandad 1 bought the present, I doubt she even remembers who assembled it. In my opinion.

ditzychick34 Tue 22-Nov-16 08:39:16

It was thoughtless. Can you arrange a bit of special time, a walk maybe, for your partner and DC to compensate?

girlywhirly Tue 22-Nov-16 08:52:51

Did the other grandfather hear your DH say that he would assemble the toy with your DGD? If not, he may not have the same thoughts that it was your present and therefore you had to assemble it? And if he did hear, why did your DH not say, 'oh, I see you've started, I was really looking forward to putting that together for DGD' and join him. If the other grandfather tends to be thoughtless or likes to take over all the time, even more reason to say something.

If DS and DDIL didn't think there was anything wrong in it, perhaps you are a bit over sensitive on your DH's behalf. A lot of people think that when you give a gift, even to a child, it becomes the property of that person and is out of your control. I assume that regardless of who put the gift together, the DGD will have played with it and your DH will have seen the pleasure she got from it? The only thing I would say, is do your best to visit as often as you can without the other GP'S there for quality time with your DGD, and if in the future you give a gift that needs assembly, do it before you give it 'to make sure all the parts are there' and prevent a repeat.

sunlady Tue 22-Nov-16 08:59:34

JediMum1
Yes we know that it will not matter to our granddaughter, but it does matter to my husband.
It might seem like a very small and irrelevant issue but we see very little of our granddaughter as we live quite far away, so every occasion is very special and a precious memory.

Stillunexpected Tue 22-Nov-16 09:04:06

Why did your DH not say anything at the time? If he saw the other grandfather pick up the box, that was his chance to say that actually he was hoping to assemble that - or he could at least have joined in?

sunlady Tue 22-Nov-16 09:06:02

Girlywhirly
We could not possibly have said anything at the time, the other grandmother has a very short fuse and is very argumentative so WW3 would have broken out and we would have been accused or ruining granddaughter’s birthday.

Mix56 Tue 22-Nov-16 09:10:06

Life is too short to be upset over this, the important part is how your relationship with GC, not the material things. the toy will probably be broken or discarded within a short time. But telling her a story, or reading a book are for life.

charlestonchaplin Tue 22-Nov-16 09:26:55

Mix56
Your post perplexes me. It reads like the post of a person who has a shaky grasp of the English language. Is that the case here? The OP is sad that a rare opportunity for the grandfather to spend time with his granddaughter, assembling a toy together, has been lost. You are instead talking about material things, completely missing the point of the post.

Often, I think people either read only a part of the OP, or they skim read the entire thing, and in their eagerness to give their crucial insights on the matter they miss the glaringly obvious.

Trifleorbust Tue 22-Nov-16 09:30:34

What was (understandably) a big deal to your DH may not have looked that way to an external observer, OP. I am sure the other grandparent didn't mean to hurt his feelings and just saw something that needed putting together/wanted to help out. flowers

DoJo Tue 22-Nov-16 11:20:43

We could not possibly have said anything at the time, the other grandmother has a very short fuse and is very argumentative so WW3 would have broken out and we would have been accused or ruining granddaughter’s birthday.

Really? If your husband has said 'Ooh, good idea, let's make that now' when the other grandfather picked up the box, that would have been enough to provoke a row? In which case, I would have let it - someone who erupts over something so insignificant will do so at some point no matter what, so why martyr yourselves to her whims?

Mix56 Tue 22-Nov-16 12:51:39

charlestonchaplin. Will have to beg to differ.
I have a fine grasp of the language thank you. I didn't edit out the extra "how". whoops.
I wasn't talking about material things. I was talking about how a small child will forget the toy but remember a story. Dur

girlywhirly Tue 22-Nov-16 13:07:46

sun lady, that is a drip feed, if you had mentioned the other grandmother's volatile temper, I would have agreed with you, obviously everyone bites their tongue and treads on eggshells around such a person for fear of spoiling the occasion.

I stand by my view that you should try to see as much of your DGD without the other GP's present as you can, and try to plan ahead anything likely to cause a problem when they are there if you don't want to say something that will send other gran off on one.

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