To be so hurt?

(82 Posts)
amammabear Sat 19-Nov-16 22:12:55

I've had quite a week so I'm feeling low to start with, but then something has really hurt me tonight.

Earlier in the week, the STBXH posted something on Facebook about his biggest regret being not dumping me "before the relationship really took off and asking out a girl at university". Now this has hurt me immensely, not least because he's basically saying he wishes our children didn't exist either, but of course it's really damaged my self esteem which is pretty crap to begin with. I feel like my whole life is a lie if I'm honest, and I've done so much for him over the years and then it's all completely wasted.

Then tonight I've been to a local event. Spent the evening sat with friends, then come home on my own. But the thing is, they haven't. They've all gone out for a meal together. Not only has nobody invited me, but the whole time I was with them, no mention of it was made at all, and they're clearly trying to deliberately hide it from me as they did mention it when they thought I was out of earshot, but I was actually just the other side of a door.

Now I know I'm already fragile because of what my ex did, but AIBU to be so upset by this? I'm absolutely devastated, I would try so hard not to exclude someone like that, and am often known to invite people to things they're not likely to want to do anyway so that they know they were welcome even though it's not really their thing.

CalleighDoodle Sat 19-Nov-16 22:16:01

Block him on facebook. Theres just no need to see that.

And yes your friends are crap.

amammabear Sat 19-Nov-16 22:17:49

I don't see his stuff on Facebook myself, but a friend (completely different to the group I mentioned) thought I ought to know and shared it with me. I'm pleased she did as it gives me extra evidence for the divorce though as I'm going for unreasonable behaviour on his part.

Masketti Sat 19-Nov-16 22:18:15

Your friends should be supporting you at this time not arranging things behind your back. How 'good' friends are they?

Nocabbageinmyeye Sat 19-Nov-16 22:18:54

Ah no yanbu op. I'd be tempted to put your friends in the same category as your ex and make them ex's too. That's just nasty and juevenille on both counts. Can you speak to someone out of the group to find out why?

wine for you, you are certainly well shot of the ex.

amammabear Sat 19-Nov-16 22:19:23

I don't have many other friends nearby.

amammabear Sat 19-Nov-16 22:20:34

Nocabbage I should've realised that about the ex years ago, but I'd never wish away my kids, no matter how difficult they can be.

ThePinkOcelot Sat 19-Nov-16 22:22:59

Ahhhh that's awful OP. I don't blame you for being upset. I don't think they are your friends. Think I'd be dumping them too tbh.

crunched Sat 19-Nov-16 22:23:36

Maybe your 'friends' thought you had to get back for a babysitter or something?
And he is a pathetic example of a loser. Probably hoping you would know what he was saying to turn the knife, but in fact, it just reassures you that you've made the right decision to move on with your life.

pklme Sat 19-Nov-16 22:24:48

Amamabear, you have a choice here. You can think the best of them- they booked a table, have arranged it to discuss something specific or other understandable reason, or you can decide they are rubbish friends.

I am inclined to notice things which make me feel left out. I choose to think about it positively or else I'd sob under my duvet all day every day and be one of the people making the arrangements.

amammabear Sat 19-Nov-16 22:25:04

They knew I haven't got the kids this weekend as they're at the ex's.

Damselindestress Sat 19-Nov-16 22:26:45

There's a reason he's an ex. Block him on Facebook, only have contact regarding your DCs and move on leaving him to look like a sad loser who passive aggressively posts about past relationships and rambles about his regrets on Facebook. YANBU to be upset at your friends either, they were rude to exclude you. Maybe you could take up a new hobby and look for a local group to join to take your mind off your ex and help you meet new friends? Try www.meetup.com

amammabear Sat 19-Nov-16 22:26:53

Pklme ironically, sobbing under my duvet is exactly what I'm doing.

Coconutty Sat 19-Nov-16 22:27:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coconutty Sat 19-Nov-16 22:27:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amammabear Sat 19-Nov-16 22:28:07

Thank you all, I'm really glad I'm not being unreasonable. I was worried that I'm just being oversensitive and that there's no point saying anything.

Runny Sat 19-Nov-16 22:28:35

It does seem a bit spiteful and mean spirited to exclude you from this meal, but maybe they don't see you as much of a friend as you do them? A really confident person would ask them why you weren't included.

What were they like with you earlier in the evening.

Itsallgoodimtold Sat 19-Nov-16 22:29:02

flowers

amammabear Sat 19-Nov-16 22:29:52

Coconutty it was the end of an event, I hung around a bit after it finished, but everyone was leaving, they'll have gone over in separate groups in the cars they arrived in.

amammabear Sat 19-Nov-16 22:31:42

Runny all normal as far as I could tell.

I suppose they probably just don't want the miserable one with the failed marriage around. They didn't show any signs of that during the event though, chatting normally etc.

SendARavenToRiverRun Sat 19-Nov-16 22:32:35

Poor you OP. Delete and block your wanker of an ex. He's an ex for a reason!
I couldn't leave the 'friend' situation to be honest. I would have to somehow ask my closest of the group why I wasn't invited. Her answer and how she answers would then decide how or if the friendship continued.
cakewine op. You sound like you need it.,

Runny Sat 19-Nov-16 22:33:03

You could ask why you werent invited? Have they put it all over Facebook?

KickAssAngel Sat 19-Nov-16 22:33:59

That's mean of them. Are they all in pairs of something? Which is no excuse, but some (lacking in intelligence/empathy) people don't know how to vary their friendship groups and have a mix of singles and pairs.

Ex is a wanker. See it as a good thing that he's publicizing his wankyness to the entire world.

amammabear Sat 19-Nov-16 22:36:49

I'm not sure I can ask, besides anything else, what's the chances they'd be honest? I guess I'm just going to take the hit. And no, a mixture of couples and singles. None with the failed relationships though. That's just me.

Sparlklesilverglitter Sat 19-Nov-16 22:40:11

Well I'm not really sure why your "friend" mentioned it, if I had a friend dealing with divorce I wouldn't of mention it. Just appears a bit of shit stirring to me "oh X said such and such" and actually a bit school pay ground.

As far as what ex said on Facebook goes, forget about it. You know what his like that why your getting free of him!

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