Sleepovers

(16 Posts)
Tryingtostayyoung Fri 18-Nov-16 16:32:51

Hi all. So in a bit of unchartered territory and I'm not sure if IABU.
DD is 3 (4 in a few months if that makes any difference) she has never ever slept over anywhere without DH or I.
My DB (and SIL) has 2 girls and all three (including DD) are extremely close, the girls spend a lot of time here and DD will go there to play or DB/SIL will take them all out every so often.
DB asked if DD would like to go there to play tomorrow afternoon/evening, excellent I said, then he asked if she would like to sleepover and I said I would think about it and discuss with DH and get back to him. I asked DH and he just point blank said no, he doesn't think DD is ready as she still wakes up in the night (we are working on this) and he thinks she will be distraught when we are not there because on the rare occasions I am not here DH said even he finds it hard enough to settle her. Also she still has some (toilet) issues which normally arrive in the late evenings. Another thing is that I just don't think that DH is ready for it and thinks that she is just too little.
I on the other hand am unsure and am open to discussing it but DH is just shutting it down and saying that pushing him into this is unfair as when I haven't felt she is ready for something he has respected this. What's also not helping is we are currently going through a period that DH has been getting upset that he feels I don't respect his opinions when it comes to DD (I promise you these are just his own insecurities and I am trying to show him that he is looking into things too much) so I feel this is making me back off of something that I feel we should be discussing.
What do you think? AIBU to not let her go? If I asked her she would say yes she wants to. Would you let your 3year old?

NavyandWhite Fri 18-Nov-16 16:40:42

It's still very small and if she's not slept out before plus is having issues waking in the night etc I'd say hold fire.

arethereanyleftatall Fri 18-Nov-16 16:45:31

Yes, I let my 3 year old, in answer to your question.
But both dh and I were happy with it, she sleeps through, no toilet issues, and wouldn't be fussed if she woke in the night.
However, it isn't a comparable situation. I probably wouldn't in the situation you describe.

Tryingtostayyoung Fri 18-Nov-16 16:49:45

Maybe I should mention that I don't think her toilet issues would arise whilst there. We're going through a withhold and constipation phase but to be honest experience has told us that when she is elsewhere she seems to just get on with it.

itsmine Fri 18-Nov-16 16:56:19

If she hasn't slept elsewhere, has problems sleeping and possible toilet issues then no it isn't the right time imo.

Try just a one to one at grandparents or something first. Get her used to it gradually then introduce it as part of a fun sleepover with other dc there.

My dc all slept over at relatives from a young age, then at school slowly had one to one sleepovers with one friend, was only in juniors the slept over with more than one other dc there.

Chrisinthemorning Fri 18-Nov-16 16:58:53

DS is 4 and does sleepovers at grandparents only at the moment. I think you could allow it as they are close family but if you don't feel comfortable it's fine to say thanks but not yet. Once they start school they grow up a lot.

Pisssssedofff Fri 18-Nov-16 17:04:22

Tbh no not if she hadn't been going from birth which happens in some families, not mine unfortunately

Tryingtostayyoung Fri 18-Nov-16 17:05:48

She spends time without us at my DB's and both of our parents houses but has never slept over. It wasn't a conscious decision it just sort of never came up as we don't live far enough away for it to ever be an issue to pick her up.
DH has trouble letting go of DD at all (effects of a troubled childhood) as he equates being with her as much as possible with showing her love so I was worried his fears were silly and because it was just he isn't ready but maybe she is to young. I know that she really would like to so that's why I wasn't sure whether to approach it again.

Leeds2 Fri 18-Nov-16 17:06:18

It wouldn't bother me, to be honest, but in the circumstances you describe I would probably not let her this time.

YouWereAlwaysPerfect Fri 18-Nov-16 17:10:35

My DD is 2 and even if she was nearly 4 under no circumstances would I be letting her go to a sleep over that's just the kind of person I am, I would not be able to sleep knowing that she isn't in her own bed asleep. so I don't think YABU.

maddiemookins16mum Fri 18-Nov-16 17:16:36

I would, she spends a lot of time with them and they're family. You could always say that at the slightest sign of upset (although best to not make too big a thing of it), you'd pick her up. I think I sometimes underestimated my own DD with things and she was fine. I think your DH may be in slight danger of smothering her (and I really, really don't mean that horribly). Another idea is perhaps have the other girls over to yours (if you could face it) which then might progress to her going there if that makes sense.

GirlsWhoWearGlasses Fri 18-Nov-16 17:24:56

DD is 4 past and has recently had her first sleepover at her cousins. I have absolute confidence in my SIL, she sees her cousins a lot, has no toileting issues and sleeps through. It did go well, but she has said she doesn't want to do it again for quite a while. She had been pestering me to get to do this for months.

In your situation I would leave it for a while until she herself is asking.

BlueFolly Fri 18-Nov-16 17:27:41

The issue isn't weather or not the child does sleepovers or not. The issue is that the OPs DH feels she sides to respect his parenting decisions, which she clearly doesn't. He has good reasons for her not wanting to go and yet you won't have it.

2014newme Fri 18-Nov-16 17:28:03

No, what's the rush? She is a toddler! With waking and toilet issues. Let her sleep in her own bed for goodness sake. Mine first sleep over elsewhere age 7.

Tryingtostayyoung Fri 18-Nov-16 17:42:18

Thanks for your opinions. I wasn't sure if we were just being ott. She has asked to go quite a few times but I too didn't think she was ready. I think she's become a lot more confident and sure of herself since this September which is why I thought we should discuss it. Maybe it's best to revisit it when she is sleeping through properly.

Afreshstartplease Fri 18-Nov-16 17:47:07

My dd is 3.8 and I wouldn't let her

She has no toilet issues but does often wake in the early hours. She can either be unsettled or piss about. So I wouldn't want to put her/anyone else through that

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