AIBU: back at work and very unsettled LO

(10 Posts)
YorkshireLass2012 Thu 17-Nov-16 21:01:53

Hi, this is the first thread I have started though I have commented on others before.

I have recently gone back to work part time after a long maternity leave. DLO is at nursery four days a week and I am confident that it is an excellent one. DLO is barely eating solids or milk during the day since starting there and will only sleep 30 minutes compared to the usual three hour naps at home. DLO is also very clingy with me, crying anytime I move away, even if I stay in the room and refuses to now be cuddled or fed by DH which upsets him.

It has been less than two weeks so not long. I know it is a big change for us all and we need time to get used to our new routine. But it breaks my heart to see both DLO and DH so distressed. AIBU to wonder why the hell I am putting myself, my DH and my DLO through this?Or do I just need to toughen up? I feel pretty low about it. Am a FTM so need a bit of reassurance and any tips. Thanks.

LeavesinAutumn Thu 17-Nov-16 21:05:39

how old is child? has this coincided with normal separation anxiety phase?

all dc go through phases of clinging to one parent or the other, tell dh not to mind that
dd adores daddy but orders him away when she wants to cuddle mummy!

SchnitzelVonMum Thu 17-Nov-16 21:11:50

I have no advice but I just wanted to say, I'm in the same boat with my DD. She's recently started daycare and has become really clingy with me, also cries if I even move away from her but stay in the room. Daddy is out of favour. At daycare she also doesn't eat well. The one positive is that she is developing a good relationship with one of the carers and is beginning to have fun while she's there. But at home, still clingy. I'm putting it down to separation anxiety and hoping it improves soon.

Minkybinkyboo Thu 17-Nov-16 21:17:29

We are having this issue with DD now (almost 3) as I'm returning to work after having DS. She is stuck to me like glue when I'm home and wants me to do everything for her rather than DH. We are just riding it out and not making an issue of it. It's a big change for them and I think they just need reassurance that you still have time for them. We talk a lot about what to do on 'our' days and how it's ok to miss mummy but that I'll be home for bedtime.
It can leave you feeling pretty awful I know and although I'd never tell you to toughen up, try and remain positive that it will get better. I first went back to work p/t when DD was 14 months and it was hard, but quickly we all got used to the routine (it's worth mentioning that she was happy as whilst at nursery but would cry her eyes out at drop off, I think she sensed my anxiety!).

LeavesinAutumn Thu 17-Nov-16 21:22:27

dont forget dc also simply go through clingy phases whether they are in day care or not, its just how they feel. which is entirely natural of course.

YorkshireLass2012 Thu 17-Nov-16 21:51:53

Thank you so much for the reassurance. I have been hiding in the ladies room at work to have a cry at least twice a day. I think I am overtired and have never been particularly good with change.
DLO is 14 months old.

YorkshireLass2012 Thu 17-Nov-16 21:59:29

Schnitzel and Minky, I hope things improve for you both quickly. 🌺

YorkshireLass2012 Thu 17-Nov-16 22:22:51

Thanks Leaves. I have reassured DH and shared with him about your DD. Thank you 🌺

JsOtherHalf Thu 17-Nov-16 22:38:47

DS started nursery at 11 months, 3 consecutive days a week. He took about 3 months to settle. It was not fun, having to leave a sobbing child. I seriously though about giving up work.

We persevered, he settled.

He was very happy for the rest of his time there.

He visited it for years after he started school, at his request.

YorkshireLass2012 Fri 18-Nov-16 20:44:09

Thank you JS. very helpful to hear about others' experiences. 👍🏻

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