to want to march into the playground and grab DS's bullies by the scruff of their necks

(14 Posts)
PrizeyPrize Thu 17-Nov-16 10:45:14

I wouldn't couldn't of course, but I still want to.
DC told me last night, said they pick on him and laugh at him en-masse, he no longer wants to speak up in class incase he says something wrong and they all point and laugh at him. They pick on him at lunch and breaktimes, call him names, trying to goad him and wind him up. I feel awful that he is going through this and I don't know how to deal with this. He has very few friends, but is generally well liked and has a lovely sweet nature. Not meant as a stealth boast but he's very bright, probably one of the brightest in the school and is well known as the 'clever kid'. He did not want me to tell any teacher, but I couldn't do nothing and I spoke to headmistress today who said they would speak to the whole class collectively about the evils of bullying, she said this usually does the trick but if it continues they will speak to the bullies one to one. Do you think this will be enough??

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Thu 17-Nov-16 10:50:23

I used to speak to the parents whenever this happened with one of my 3. I found that if the parents were decent, the bullying stopped. If the parents weren't decent, then it continued and I just tried other methods.

On a different note, my own dd went through a stage of being a bit of a bully in year 5. One of the other childrens mothers actually burst into the classroom and had a go at her. Yep. In front of the teacher and everyone. That didn't go down very well.

JellyBelli Thu 17-Nov-16 10:53:06

The headmistress and teachers are not doing enough. They should supervise now they know theres a problem, and stamp on that behaviour when it happens.

Scarydinosaurs Thu 17-Nov-16 10:58:44

If the teacher, in her experience, thinks this usually works, then you need to give it a chance to work.

Worth remembering that:
1. In his mind, whatever the other kids would have done will feel bigger and more upsetting than what actually happened- especially as he thinks over it and worries about it.
2. The kids that did it are just the same as your son. Children are cruel, but only because they are developing empathy skills- as the adult you have to model what empathy, sympathy and forgiveness looks like.
3. Don't make too much of it, whilst equally validating his worries. Over catastrophising will make him worry more as you are his mum and he is looking to you for reassurance, but equally dismissing it will make him sad and think it is acceptable. As hard as it is, try to balance somewhere in between so that he feels confident going back and understanding this is just a normal part of school life that he can overcome and be OK with.

Stanky Thu 17-Nov-16 11:05:30

Try to keep a record of incidents, times, dates and names. Put everything in writing to the school. I found that things only got taken seriously and dealt with once I put it in writing, and stating that I would be taking the matter further (school gov) if I didn't resolve it.

I also encouraged ds to call childline about the bullying. They were brilliant, and helped him feel understood and listened to when the school were failing to do that. Childline also said that they would contact the school on ds' behalf if he didn't feel that the teachers were listening to him.

All this was finally enough to stop the school minimising incidents (the bullies holding ds down and putting their hands around his throat were only "accidents" and "normal playground rough and tumble"). The children involved were suspended for a day, and their parents were called in. Teacher lead meetings between the bullies and ds to discuss behaviour, and the bullies were made to apologise. The bullying stopped. But it took me to really get on the school's case, to finally get them to pull their fingers out and sort it.

How old is your ds?

Snowflakes1122 Thu 17-Nov-16 11:12:00

Your poor DC sad

I too would feel like marching up and grabbing the little bullies. I'm glad you all Ike to the Head. Much better approach!

Was the right thing to do and hopefully now they'll be aware they are being watched more closely. I'm sure the head will have given other teachers a head up to keep an eye on things.

PrizeyPrize Thu 17-Nov-16 11:20:32

Stanky he's year 5, in a class with mixed year 6's and 5's (they are put in classes according to their ability), it's the year 6's that are doing the bullying, (possibly because he's achieving where they are struggling). How awful that your DS went through such an awful time, I'm glad it got sorted. Calling childline is a good idea if they escalate it to the school, thank you. My DS suggested himself that he will make a note on his whiteboard everytime an incident happens and will tell me how many marks he has every day. I told Head this too.
Thanks Scary I will definitely see if this 'talk' does the trick, I agree with trying not to make too much of a fuss while still validating his concerns. I do think some children are more cruel than others however even the Head said 'they are not a nice group of kids' when I told them who the ringleaders were.
Jelli Head did say she would ensure more supervision in class and on the playground, so fingers crossed.
Boreme Not sure I can speak to the parents, but will consider this if things don't improve, thank you.

PrizeyPrize Thu 17-Nov-16 11:22:13

Thank you Snowflakes, hopefully the teachers will be made aware and this is shortlived, it's so horrible when you feel helpless and can't be there to protect them.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Thu 17-Nov-16 11:26:07

flowers. You wouldn't be a mother if you didn't want to get hold of them,Prize. If anyone regardless of how big or how small hurts your child. The claws come out. It's an animal instinct.

Scarydinosaurs Thu 17-Nov-16 11:39:35

I know some children are crueller than others- but they are still children. And the best outcome is that they can learn some empathy and leave your son alone.

I really hope your son is able to not dwell on this, and is able to enjoy school again soon.

derxa Thu 17-Nov-16 11:46:30

I understand perfectly. I used to teach mixed age classes. The school needs to come down on this like a ton of bricks. It's just not acceptable.
Why is your son needing to make marks on a whiteboard? Some child will twig that's what is happening and use that as a bullying tactic.

PrizeyPrize Thu 17-Nov-16 11:52:37

derxa I did wonder about the 'whiteboard' thing, he wasn't referring to the classroom whiteboard. I think they all have their own little personal 'whiteboard' like a wipeable sheet of paper. I will check this though because I'm not 100% sure.
Thank you Scary and Babyspider

VanillaSugarAndChristmasSpice Thu 17-Nov-16 11:53:35

My DS is in Yr and this term has been the victim of a lot of petty theft: school uniform, stationery, school planner and books etc. The teacher is aware of this but does need to catch the culprit red handed, so in the meantime I'm only allowing DS to take into school what he actually needs for the day and we spent half-term labelling every single bloody pencil!

I feel bad for your little boy. He's different because he's clever. Don't let him give up. Google famoussuccessful people and show him that even those people were bullied at school. I know that's no excuse, but it might take away a little bit of the day-to-day pain sadflowerschocolate

derxa Thu 17-Nov-16 12:13:38

yes if he uses his own whiteboard people will notice that. I don't hate children - I generally love them but they have eyes like hawks.

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