Ok long story but I need to give background to work out if I ABU...
DH & I relocated to be nearer his parents who are getting on a bit. DH is an only child. We bought a house 20 mins from them but then DH and FIL (DH stepfather) had a huge falling out over the house renovation. FIL took over control of things without us asking him to (booking tradesmen without our consent etc) we then asked him to back off a bit and let us make our own decisions, he ended up costing us quite a lot of time & money we didn't have. All very messy. MIL completely sided with FIL and was very spiteful to DH, who had to take three months off work to step in and finish our house on his own with no help & v little money, which he did an amazing job of. At the time we were staying at their house while ours was being done and they made it incredibly difficult - we had to be out at sunrise and come back when they were in bed, we had our meals sitting on the floor in a freezing cold half built house, I had to work from home there etc etc. It was hell. FIL barely spoke to us and has refused to come to our house ever since.
As this was all happening, I found out I was pregnant and we now have a 5 month old DD. We moved into rented while I was pregnant. House now finished & DH works away a lot in a job he loves - average 3 nights a week since DD was 8 weeks old. I've been lucky & found an amazing group of friends in this new area who have been fantastic support and stopped me going insane! MIL visits once every few weeks now but does NOTHING to help me out. I've tried visiting theirs with DD but all v awkward. She phones occasionally when DH is away but I often end up missing it and don't speak to her very much.
I know DH would like to build a better relationship with them, especially for our DD. I am struggling as: 1) I can't forgive what a terrible situation they left us in
2) Their behaviour was quite frankly insane (screaming name calling, manipulation, guilt put on to DH for things that have happened in their lives, telling DH he wasn't really wanted as a child - I could go on & on...) and
3) I've had NO support from MIL with our DD, she doesn't do a thing when she comes over (my own mum died many years ago and most of my family live overseas so I have no family support network) and we have quite different viewpoints on bringing up a baby so we clash quite a bit.
My question is this - how do I get over all these things and try to move on for the sake of DH? AIBU to want to just tell them to F off?! It's now starting to cause a rift between me & DH as its obvious to him how I feel.
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AIBU?
To find it difficult to get over this situation with my in laws?
67 replies
SparkleSausage · 17/11/2016 08:17
OP posts:
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