DH thinks IABU for saying I won't apologise to next door

[Tarla]

DS had a meltdown yesterday afternoon shortly after dinner. I know exactly what triggered it and was able to calm him down fairly quickly so it was loud while it lasted but was over within fifteen minutes.

At the time it happened, next door were doing DIY, lots of drilling and hammering. It's not an issue, it was only 5pm. The noise from the DIY wasn't the trigger for the meltdown, the DIY couldn't be heard from the area of the house DS was in but he did move to the other side of the house during it, to the side that has the shared wall.

DH has been on at me today saying that I need to knock on next door and apologise for the noise from DS having a meltdown, he's told me to get them a box of biscuits or something. I've said I'm not knocking or going out of my way to bring gifts but if I see them in passing I'll mention that I hope DS didn't bother them. They know DS is being assessed for ASD and that he sometimes has meltdowns. I've knocked in the past if he's had one in the small hours (he had a 3am corker not long after we moved in) but it's rare he has them at that time of day and when we've spoken to them they've been fine, said they know he isn't doing it on purpose and that we're doing our best. Last night was 5pm, short lived and they were doing DIY anyway so already lots of banging and crashing, I really don't think DS disturbed them. I also don't think I should apologise every single time he has a meltdown, only for exceptional ones like the 3am one.

Which of us is BU?

[SpookyPotato]

He is, it was 5pm and they were doing DIY anyway!

[RaspberryOverloadTheFirst]

YANBU

If you apologise for noise then so should they. Don't see any reason to give biscuits, etc.

[Elland]

I don't think you need to apologise for a child having a 15 minute meltdown at 5pm regardless of them doing DIY - you sound like you know exactly when it's appropriate to apologise and when it's not needed, so to summarise, your OH is BU.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Was your DH there when the meltdown happened?
If so, and he wants an apology to the neighbours, why isn't he round there apologising?
Seems very odd to me.
Why do YOU have to do it?
At 5pm with DIY being done by them... NO, no apology is needed.

[Tarla]

DH was at work (funnily enough, the trigger was him getting stuck late at work!), I get the job of apologising because I was there I'm going to text him and crow a bit about him being the unreasonable one I'm mature like that

[Devilishpyjamas]

Your dh is being ridiculous

[KoalaDownUnder]

HIBU

If I was your neighbour, I would neither want nor expect an apology for that. You've explained the situation, they know what's going on.

[Captainladder]

He is. It wasn't late, they were doing DIY, you calmed down DS really quickly... (mine waiting for ASD diagnosis and often has loud meltdowns. Have never thought I needed to explain myself to next door.)

I don't think you should have to apologise for your DS.

xx

[ConvincingLiar]

Doesn't warrant an apology, less still biscuits.

[AllTheBabies]

He's being utterly ridiculous!

[Tarla]

We used to have really shitty neighbours at an old house so DH gets a bit paranoid about neighbourly interactions.

[BertrandRussell]

I think, actually, if I were the neighbour, I'd be a bit upset that you thought I was unreasonable enough to need apologizing to for a 5.00pm tantrum........

[Tarla]

Yeah, if it was the other way around I'd be wondering why my neighbour was on my doorstep with biscuits to apologise for it.

[ErrolTheDragon]

YANBU, and if your DH still thinks otherwise, regardless of whether he was there at the time or not then he should do it.

[Soubriquet]

How ridiculous

It was 5pm, there was DIY noise anyway and your ds was calmed down within 15 mins

Now if it was 5am, an apology would have been a nice thought but 5pm?! No way

Yanbu

[Losingtheplod]

I think if you apologised for this your neighbours would think you'd lost it. You have no reason at all to think you have upset them, so no need for an apology!

[AmysTiara]

Your DH is being ridiculous. Tell him to go and apologise if he's so concerned.

[harderandharder2breathe]

Yanbu

It was 5pm and short lived and they were making noise themselves (so not trying to nap or watch tv or anything).

[Rachel0Greep]

Not at all. If that was the case our neighbours owe us years of biscuits.
for you.

[CheshireChat]

It's entirely possible they never even heard your son over the diy noise. Your husband can do the apologising if he likes.

[Skittlesss]

If any apologies are needed then your husband needs to apologise to you for even suggesting that!

[RomanticWalksToTheFridge]

No, forget it. It willall be fine.

FWIW- about a year or so ago I accidentally locked my dog out of the house when i had to rush DS to A&E. The dog whined and yelped and barked for 9 hours. I got home to multiple messages on my machine from neighbours about the noise (mostly worried because leaving her out is a very unusual thing).

I went around the next day with bottles of wine to everyone. All of them without exception said; 'Don't be silly. We were worried. Glad everything is okay'.

I heart my neighbours.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

No, YANBU. As BertrandRussell said, were I your neighbour and you brought biscuits to apologise for this incident, I would wonder just how much of a git you thought I was. An apology where none is merited is more likely to hamper good relations with your neighbour. Your DH needs to get over his paranoia and be happy that your new neighbours are decent people.

[YelloDraw]

Why is it your job to apologies?

[SapphireStrange]

If he's that bothered, he can apologise.

Having said that, you and your neighbours both sound nice. Maybe you could get some biscuits in and go round for ?