To hate feeling I have to justify myself

(26 Posts)
Luvwales74 Tue 15-Nov-16 22:20:07

To BIL wife.
She brothers Dw always seems to have a dig about my work status every time I see her which is thankfully not often.
I have 3 girls. One secondary aged one primary and one who has just started nursery. Dh for a number of reasons is not hands on around the house and with DC. Times were really hard when Dd3 was tiny because of this but now Dd3 is at school part time things are less fraught. I work very part time on a self employed basis and I am studying at college for 5 hours per week.
Almost every time I see her she keeps implying I must have do much time on my hands or asking when I am going back to work. The last time I saw her I pointed out that I do work but that clearly doesn't count as I rarely work when Dd3 is at nursery .
Even my 5 hours at college has gone unnoticed.
Ainu to be fed up of this and how do I nicely get her to stop. Fwiw she is a nice person generally but we seem to have opposing views on work life balance and some aspects of parenting.

Luvwales74 Tue 15-Nov-16 22:21:26

Dh auto-correct fail.

Costacoffeeplease Tue 15-Nov-16 22:26:07

I would agree with her and tell her what a great time you have getting mani-pedis/facials. Really lay it on thick

FreshHorizons Tue 15-Nov-16 22:26:54

Don't justify - smile, nod and ignore.
You could just stick to -'it suits us at the moment' and repeat as necessary.

Cherrysoup Tue 15-Nov-16 22:29:29

'And this is your business now, precisely?' I would honestly say that to her. I'd be so pissed off. If it's working for you, what the hell has it to with anyone else?

P.S: unless your DH is unwell, I'm afraid I'd be booting him into helping. They're his DC too.

Luvwales74 Tue 15-Nov-16 22:29:36

I know it's partly my own fault for rising to it. Must try the MN smile , nod and ignore.
Thank you.

Luvwales74 Tue 15-Nov-16 22:31:43

cherry he does have some health issues.

Castleheights Tue 15-Nov-16 22:32:28

Yanbu to feel annoyed but don't waste your time worrying about this. You have plenty of other rewarding pursuits by the sound of it.
I'd be tempted to feign ignorance, such as, what do you mean? I don't understand what you are saying. She'll either back track or show herself to have quite an unpleasant attitude towards you.

m0therofdragons Tue 15-Nov-16 22:32:31

Just say "I know, I have the balance just right. I love my life!" With a big grin grin

Aroundtheworldandback Tue 15-Nov-16 22:42:59

I have a sil like this. i don't work as we don't need the money, I just do voluntary when I feel like. Sil used to ask me on a regular basis if I was looking for work. One day Dh had enough and told her I own half his company so don't need to. She's never mentioned it againgrin

emwantsbiscuits Tue 15-Nov-16 22:44:22

YANBU it's a horrible feeling sad
I think that most people just get on with their lives and only make judgey comments if they are feeling insecure about their own decisions.

nilbyname Tue 15-Nov-16 22:44:39

Kill her with kindness!

Oh I know, I have justvthe perfect balance, #blessedgrin

Memoires Tue 15-Nov-16 22:55:56

My MIL was like this; she was always saying to dh "and what does Memoires do" even though I had worked since dd was 6 weeks old, and dh only worked pt himself, she behaved as if he never stopped and I just sat about painting my nails.

Even when she finally got into her stupid head that I did work she would say "I know you've got your little job" which had me blowing steam out of my ears grin (I taught autistic children - not little job in any way, shape or form).

Smile and nod is really the only thing, otherwise you'll find yourself constantly stressed about it and hating her.

EffieIsATrinket Tue 15-Nov-16 23:05:01

I'm a GP working PT and it's definitely a 'pin money little job' as far as the ILs are concerned.

FIL: Well I suppose it gets you out the house.

Nod and smile, nod and smile.

Luvwales74 Tue 15-Nov-16 23:07:47

That's even worse memoires. Sadly I think my MIL always favoured BIL wife too over me as she want back to work when her Dd was 6 months old.

Memoires Wed 16-Nov-16 00:07:08

Effiels, and you're a GP! shock How? Just how do these people live in the world?

Luvwales74 Wed 16-Nov-16 00:17:41

It's crazy.

Baylisiana Wed 16-Nov-16 00:38:39

I would just wilfully misunderstand and say that yes, many people have commented wondering how you manage to fit in work and study, but you just think you are very talented organisationally....would she like any tips?

GiddyOnZackHunt Wed 16-Nov-16 00:45:00

Ah I remember a jolly lunch with the ILs when DH was lauded for his ' new job in the City'. I was just the liddle SAHM. Despite having secured a promotion and earning far more pro rata.

Luvwales74 Wed 16-Nov-16 07:33:03

Thank you for your replies. I am started to wonder if some of it is jealousy. Maybe she would actually love to go part time herself but for financial reasons can't.

minifingerz Wed 16-Nov-16 07:37:56

I've had this for 15 years from SIL.

No answers sad

Luvwales74 Wed 16-Nov-16 07:41:15

O no mini.

Trifleorbust Wed 16-Nov-16 08:05:01

Just ignore her. It is precisely none of her business how you and your DH organise your work and home lives.

Luvwales74 Wed 16-Nov-16 22:50:04

Well I have just returned home from home from work and the kitchen looks awful. You would think they could have at least wiped down a work top or loaded dishwasher.
And SIL wonders why I only work very part time.

Sweets101 Wed 16-Nov-16 23:02:28

I can't make these situations any better, people saying things like that just make me behave badly, so i'don't say
Oh I know! I mean to work more but it's hard to get the motivation when you just don't need to. Followedo by a winning smile

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