to ask how to deal with boastful DC

[butteryjacketspud]

DS is 12, I guess a lot of it is normal for his age but it is getting me down as just having a normal conversation with him is getting so hard.

Example this evening - he had been in a history lesson today and was interested and engaged so all is good.
DS - 'hey mum, is is true soldiers used to live down in the trenches?'
Me - 'yes, they did, must have been horrible for them.'
DS - 'why?'
Me - 'oh well, it was muddy, it was cold, rats ...'
DS - 'rats? I wouldn't have rats, I'd kick them, I'd kick the stupid rats. I could, couldn't I, mum?'

I know it's a bad example but honestly every conversation we have turns into how great he is and how stupid everyone else is. A similar conversation after an English lesson was about how quickly he'd have got his gas mask out, he'd have ran away from the gas.

Does anyone else have this? And AIBU to be fucked off with it?

[HelenaWay]

Completely normal at that age. My sons the same.

[butteryjacketspud]

I'm glad it's not just mine, then :)

[scurryfunge]

Sounds like an ordinary pre teen trying to make sense of the world. Don't forget, they are invincible at that age and cannot make mistakes!

[cookieswirls]

I thought this was going to be along the lines of ' look I got sweets, yummy, mmm they taste so good' as said by my 5 yo to her school friends

[arethereanyleftatall]

Mine is a bit younger, 7, but very boastful - when I mentioned it as a problem to her class teacher, she looked at me utterly bewildered and said most of the children were, but there's nothing malicious in n it, so don't worry at all.

[BestMammyEver]

My 8 year old is the same. He even corrects his own teacher!

[RichardBucket]

I was like this at one stage. My mum just smiled and nodded, until I said I was going to email my classmates with my Y6 SATs results. She put a stop to that sharpish, knowing they wouldn't have done as well and my pride would make them feel worse.

It made me think for the first time about how boasting made others feel. I was much, much less boastful after that.

So I suppose my advice is... indulge it in the main, because children should have confidence, but also make sure he knows it isn't always appropriate.

[HateSummer]

My 9 year is constantly "correcting" me when I'm talking to my friends. It's always "no mummy, this is how it happened..." I've had loads of stern words with her as it pisses me off so much. She's given the death stare each time and slinks off, but then does it again a few days later 🙄

[Believeitornot]

If mine correct others, I remind them that it isn't their job to do that.

If mine show off at the expense of others, I remind them it might upset someone else.

So being proud is fine but comparisons are not (e.g. I'm better/stronger etc than X). Saying I'm strong is fine.

[taytopotato]

I think it is normal for that age to feel invincible.

Maybe you could also teach him learn empathy through asking questions i.e.,

"Why the soldiers didn't kick the rats?"
"If you were the British soldier, what would you feel"
"What do you think about the German soldiers? What do you think they felt?"

[butteryjacketspud]

I lost patience before and yelled that millions of men must have been really stupid to have got themselves killed, then. He was slightly shamefaced but then carries on!

[Believeitornot]

I'd use it as a learning opportunity. Yes he'd kick the rats but there would be hundreds and he'd be tired and cold. Let him read up on the First World War and learn more.

[cherryblossomcarpet]

The rats thing made me laugh. That wasn't boasting. When he said 'I could, couldn't I mum?' he was asking you for validation. Easy enough to say, 'hmmm maybe.... if they didn't bite you first' or similar.

There is a balance though as I'm of a generation that was taught it wasn't nice to be proud of your achievements. Saying anything at all about them was 'boastful'. We soon learnt to keep our heads down and mutter something derogatory about ourselves if anyone praised us. Result; crippling lack of confidence, and low self esteem.

I'm bringing my two up to be proud of what they achieve, and probably boastful little brats. My DH was one of those. He's been very successful in life off the back of it.

[derxa]

I was expecting something completely different. It's not really boasting.
It's actually just silliness.

[butteryjacketspud]

It isn't though Derxa, as it really is everything. He reads the plot of a book like the Hunger Games and he would kill everybody. No, actually, he would tell the Capitol where to go. No one tells him what to do.

Jurassic Park? He would shoot the T. rex (accompanied with hand gestures.)

It's quite wearing!

[ohmygodyouguys]

My nephew is exactly the same. Last time I saw him he was saying he'd been in fights with all the boys in his class and won them all, plus that he could jump over people on a bouncy castle. Utter nonsense. He'll grow out of it though I hope.

[ZoFloMoFo]

I don't think it's boasting but more of an "acting the big "I am"", as my nan would say.

And yes, my just turned 13 year old can be an objectionable little shit at times lately. He actually tried to tell me how he'd be able to drive better than me last week. I pulled onto a quiet stretch of road, braked, and asked him if he'd like to get out and walk.

And then a lot of the time, most of the time, he's as sweet and lovely as he always has been.

[Onthesofa1]

Just a thought - he might actually be feeling quite scared about war etc and worried about how he would cope, so is really just trying to reassure himself and get some back up from you?

[butteryjacketspud]

I'm glad it's not just mine :) I keep trying to tell myself it's a phase but it's so bloody irritating!

I don't know, Onthe - I don't think so. He's currently ruining great literature with his opinions.

Macbeth? Well, he'd just tell Lady M to shut her cake hole. Hamlet? Kill his stepdad. Merchant of Venice? Tell Shylock he's a tool. On and on and on!

[YouTheCat]

Sounds scared to me.

It's almost like he's trying to talk himself into believing he's able to cope with these awful situations when if they actually happened to him he'd be a gibbering mess in the corner like most of us.

[muminthecity]

My DD can be a bit like this, though she is getting better. Nothing gives her greater pleasure in life than spotting a typo in a book or a mistake in a film

[YouTheCat]

In that case, sounds like he really doesn't understand the nature of fiction and that Macbeth would have been a bit shit if he'd just told Lady Macbeth to 'shut her cake hole' so long since I heard that expression . It also sounds like he's not grasping any of the complexities of the characters.

[minnymoobear]

My 12 year old is playing the big I am at the moment too! Claims to be the best goalie in his year - but not on the team
'Everyone says I'm the best at x y z'

I'm starting to switch off to it and praise him to build his self confidence which is what I think this is about.

Not easy being a parent and trying to figure things out but I'll keep trying like the rest of you :)

[butteryjacketspud]

No, well, quite!

It's very minor, I know, but it's getting to the point where an ordinary conversation is difficult.

[StStrattersOfMN]

It all sounds perfectly normal and not actually boasting to me. Let him be, it's all harmless and very ordinary.