To have spoken up..

(46 Posts)
DiddysMammy Tue 15-Nov-16 18:18:05

So I was at softplay earlier with my daughter 22 months. We go every Tuesday and see the same faces.. I'm not chummy chummy with anyone there but it's a lovely softplay and fairly quiet so it's not as hellish as others.

Anyway my daughter was busy playing today when a girl who is exactly a year older (I've chatted with her dad a couple of times their birthdays are on the same day) shoved my DD. I let it slide (my DD is fairly tough) then about 5 mins later she did it again. I passed comment that she's wasn't really being herself today (she's normally ok) and her dad just looked at me.. Then about 20 mins later she shoved my DD so hard she came off she ground (not an exaggeration)

Now.. I'm aware we are in a soft play so the landing was padded but I when in to rescue my DD. Took her back to the table I was sat at. Checked her over and gave her a drink and one of those little chocolate animal biscuit things that have been around for years. The other child comes over and helps herself to a biscuit. I took the biscuit back which led to screaming ab dabs from the little angel (note the sarcasm)

The dad comes over and asks what happened. I explain that I took the biscuit back as it a. Hadnt been offered and b. His child had been terribly behaved and I wasn't about to reward her for shoving my daughter and upsetting her. With that he switches saying she is only a baby. (She's nearly 3) she doesn't understand.

I'm sorry to say a turned a bit nasty. I laughed and told him my daughter isn't even 2 yet and she's knows you don't hurt other children and you certainly don't help yourself to other people's food ( she will always say please and wait to be handed what ever she is after)

Was I unreasonable? I'm doubting myself!!

QuiteLikely5 Tue 15-Nov-16 18:20:54

I think your comments were harsh and unnecessary. I couldn't get worked up over a wee biscuit.

You do not know how your child will behave at three either......

DiddysMammy Tue 15-Nov-16 18:23:04

I think I was more pissed off at the fact he sat there and let his child shove mine (3 times for no reason) and reacted how he did when I didn't let her have a biscuit..

I don't normally pass comment I'm normally really passive!

TheSparrowhawk Tue 15-Nov-16 18:23:43

I think you were both in the wrong. You can hardly expect your toddlers to act maturely if you two are having spats!

DiddysMammy Tue 15-Nov-16 18:24:59

I didn't raise my voice, and I'd discipline my daughter if she was shoving kids smaller than her

QueenOfTheNaps Tue 15-Nov-16 18:26:06

Ooh I can see you were probably het up after seeing your child being pushed a few times, that's understandable.
Maybe you were BU though, as you admitted yourself you turned 'nasty', in hindsight I'm sure you could think of a better way to deal with that situation should it happen again? (It will, by the way... and it could be your DC being the pusher!)

MissVictoria Tue 15-Nov-16 18:26:27

Don't doubt yourself. She's pushed your child three times and helped herself to food that wasn't hers. She is definitely old enough to know neither is ok. You don't hit or shove, and you ask for things you want. Her father quite honestly should have stepped in over the pushing and told her that it wasn't nice and to say sorry. And why was he not watching her close enough for her to wander over and nick a biscuit and only paid attention when she started crying?

TheSparrowhawk Tue 15-Nov-16 18:26:31

Criticising other parents/children is never going to go well. Just don't do it.

Iwannabelikecommonpeople Tue 15-Nov-16 18:26:31

Ooops! Big over reaction on your part imo, they are only little ! And it was a bit mean to take the biscuit back too. shock

QueenOfTheNaps Tue 15-Nov-16 18:26:55

Btw he should have been more on the ball after the second shove

lastqueenofscotland Tue 15-Nov-16 18:28:59

I think Ywbu to criticise someone's parenting and then get surpirsed that they were pissed off about it yes!

monkeywithacowface Tue 15-Nov-16 18:29:44

I think you were right to take your dd a at from being shoved, a firm "no pushing" would be acceptable to. Children should learn not just to take food from others without asking. However you were being insufferably smug with your "my dd would never behave that way" comment.

NerrSnerr Tue 15-Nov-16 18:32:12

You were right to move your daughter away but you were very rude to the man. You also don't know if your daughter might go through a pushing/ hitting/ biting phase in the next year.

Lunar1 Tue 15-Nov-16 18:32:31

He should have watched her properly after the first shove. And of course you should have taken the biscuit away, she didn't ask and dad wasn't paying attention, how are you to know if she was allergic to any ingredients!

FrancisCrawford Tue 15-Nov-16 18:33:01

You aren't under any obligation to feed other people's kids.

If he'd been keeping a better eye on his child the incident would never have happened. plus your poor DD needed a break from her!

RebelRogue Tue 15-Nov-16 18:33:44

Maybe if the man didn't excuse pushing and taking food as "being a baby", op wouldn't have turned "nasty".

SenoritaViva Tue 15-Nov-16 18:34:27

I'm not sure that criticising his parenting whilst saying how wonderful yours and your child was is quite the best way to handle it! wink
Perhaps if you'd responded to his reply with 'I know but she'll never learn if she gets rewarded' that might've been ok ish!

OohhThatsMe Tue 15-Nov-16 18:34:36

I wouldn't take a biscuit off a little girl. I would have said nicely to her to watch out for your daughter, because she's younger, or something like that, but I wouldn't take a biscuit off her.

Andbabymakesthree Tue 15-Nov-16 18:35:03

She'd pushed your child three times and helped herself to food that wasn't hers and the parent only intervened when she started screaming. Yup great parenting there!

Andbabymakesthree Tue 15-Nov-16 18:35:47

And I'd have taken biscuit back. Who knows what allergies she might have?

Soubriquet Tue 15-Nov-16 18:38:04

I'd have done the same thing OP

Especially if the parent was going to ignore their child's bad behaviour

ArmySal Tue 15-Nov-16 18:38:23

I couldn't have taken a biscuit off a 3 year old shock He should have been watching her a little better though.

luckylucky24 Tue 15-Nov-16 18:38:55

I don't think you're overreacting. I get kids shouldn't need constantly watching at soft play (after a certain age) but you should keep an eye on them and so many parents dont.
Last week I peeled a little boy off a girl he had pushed over then repeatedly jumped on and hit. The girl was crying and the mother came over after I picked her up and asked me if I saw what happened. The little boy got away with his behaviour and will probably do it again as no one knew who his parents were. He was around two and totally unattended!

ThatStewie Tue 15-Nov-16 18:39:47

I would have taken the biscuit because of food allergies. Never a good idea to go be small children food without parental consent because 2 year olds don't know better.

The father should have stepped in much earlier with the pushing but your baby is still very young. You might find that in 12 months your child is the one who is pushing or even buying. Three is a difficult age as they don't have the communication skills to express their needs which can result in behaviour that needs be of us want but is totally normal

DiddysMammy Tue 15-Nov-16 18:40:01

I didn't snatch it.. Just said "no lovely that's not for you" and took it back.

Allergies never even crossed my mind.

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