BPD ex...

(14 Posts)
Saltfish Tue 15-Nov-16 15:35:37

Some background info...Been split up for 3 years from ex...have maintained no contact throughout and recently came off social media. Our relationship if you could call it that was psychologically abusive with her breaking up with me every other week. That is just the tip of the iceberg of fucked up shit I had to deal with. She eventually ended things and wouldn't let me have any of my furniture or clothing. My counselor suspected borderline personality disorder with narcissistic traits. I am a much much stronger person now and can't believe I ever stayed although I was left with PTSD!

I was a hairdresser at a salon I'll call VS. They saw the emotional effect this had on me and intensely dislike her. My ex knew this.

My ex is also a hairdresser and works at a salon.

I recently got a message from my coworker saying that my ex had been in for a haircut. This has caused me to become livid. I would never go into her salon for a haircut. It's just weird! Especially when I work in my own salon. Even though she ended it 3 years ago, I feel like she has continued to bait me long after. I just want to be left alone.

I feel like I'm being consumed by anger, please knock some sense into me oh reasonable ladies of aibu!

Crystal15 Tue 15-Nov-16 15:42:01

Hmm. Bit much for any counsellor to diagnose anybody, let alone someone they've not met. Also after 3 years I wouldn't say she's bating you, your reaction is rather extreme tbh

Saltfish Tue 15-Nov-16 15:44:40

I saw my counselor throughout the course of our relationship so she was privy to everything.

GrabtharsHammer Tue 15-Nov-16 15:46:59

Do you realise that you are reacting in a very BPD way to this?

BPD and PTSD are two sides of the same coin.

LagunaBubbles Tue 15-Nov-16 15:50:28

It doesnt sound as if OPs counsellor has diagnosed anyone though, just "suspects".

KittyandTeal Tue 15-Nov-16 15:51:35

No one can diagnose that kind of serious mh condition but a psychiatrist and after lots of detailed history from the patient.

You counsellor has over stepped by trying to diagnose your ex by proxy.

However, she does sound difficult. If she is trying to bait you the best reaction is nothing, just ignore.

FlyingElbows Tue 15-Nov-16 16:00:42

If your ex is BPD then you are in the privileged position of not having to be involved. If you choose to be involved and re-join the game then, as we say here, hell men' ye. The only way to win is not to play. You walked once, keep fucking walking. DO NOT ENGAGE. I say this as the daughter of a fully fledged properly diagnosed BPD. Don't waste your energy.

Saltfish Tue 15-Nov-16 16:03:22

She did say she suspects sorry should've clarified,I did do a lot of research and she really does fit the criteria.

Why does me having ptsd from leaving an abusive relationship mean I have bpd? She has done numerous things throughout the 3 years of us being broken up to goad me. I have never responded. If I sat here and wrote out every detail of our relationship and thereafter we'd be here all day. I have blocked her on everything and I'm just frustrated.

FlyingElbows Tue 15-Nov-16 16:07:58

Stop giving her headspace. Get on with your life as a free person.

Just ignore it, it's been three years, it might be odd (or even goady) to get a haircut at that salon but you can't control her, only how you react- don't react. Let go of your anger and it's all over, there's nothing more she can do to you if you stop caring.

Saltfish Tue 15-Nov-16 16:17:33

You're all right I am trying so hard to let go of my anger.

WindPowerRanger Tue 15-Nov-16 16:18:37

I can see that it is a form of stalking: the relationship and your feelings about it won't fade into the past as long as your ex finds ways to jab at you. For that reason, I see your reaction as understandable rather than overblown.

Do your best to recast all this in your mind. Think of it as a rather desperate gambit precisely because you haven't risen to anything so far. Grit your teeth and wait. Chances are your ex will not repeat the effort if she gets nothing from it. It is more of the same old shit and you can deal with it because you've dealt with it and survived it before.

Saltfish Tue 15-Nov-16 16:27:24

She has stalked me a lot since we've been split despite being blocked on all social media(which I have recently gotten rid of because of her) she has gotten her ex husband to follow me on twitter and has followed me through fake accounts on instagram amongst other things... I'm just fed up of having to be so closed off from other people because she has to maintain control/attachment. I think it's very hard to understand this unless you've ever experienced it. The anger does give her power though. It's so hard not to be angry though.

Mishegoss Tue 15-Nov-16 16:46:26

I have "fully fledged" BPD and from reading your posts I can only advise to avoid her as you have been doing and don't give any reaction if you can help it. If you start to feel like you're genuinely being stalked and messed with, report her to the police. You don't have to take any more shit.

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