Hi MN just need a place to air my feelings today need a hand hold and some advise PLZ.
My FIL well EX-FIL just passed away last night & I just feel absolutely devastated and destroyed by his death and I just don't know what to do.
I was married for 18 years and only just completed our divorce, for half my life I loved and cared for this man he and my MIL they where like parents to me.
He had Alzhiemers for what seemed like years a lifetime of suffering from this bloody awful disease.
I have 2 ds's and as you can imagine they are heart broken, all 3 of us just can't seem to comprehend the loss.
My problem is since I separated from my ex I haven't been allowed to see my ex FIL, MIL, I had my ex arrested for dv and since all that he's not spoken to me but passes threats and all that to me through the kids and in all just torments me.
He gave his mum a bull shit story that she believes about how the police had guns to his head during his arrest which is just not true.
But Iv not been able to give my side of the story, or speak to MIL, if I did she would see a whole different light on what happened and had been happening to cause our marriage to end.
Over the years I developed such a bond with them both I cared for them and supported them everyday and ultimately Iv been the one to sort everything out for him with his care it was a full time job for me but they had come so close to me that Id have done anything I could for them.
They were my world 'my family', as my parents and family all live at the other end of the country.
I really feel sad I couldn't say goodbye or that I won't be able to pay my respects.
He would call me everyday, sometimes he'd honestly drive me in-Sane but in a loveable way.
He would always say to me with a tear in his eye, 'kid the day you gave me these boys' was the best day of my life, you really have given me a gift from God that makes my life complete.
And I just can't explain how much he adored the kids and how much they adored him.
My youngest ds has asd and when he was little my FIL was the only one who seemed to be able to conect with him it was so strange to see, if he wouldn't do something or didn't want to do something he would stamp his feet but if grandad intervened omg then no problem! Because grandad said, they would tinker round for hours chatting away together and he'd see them most days.
Now he's gone, and im desperate to say to him thank you so much for being such a wonderful part my life but it's all too late.
I am not allowed to go to the funeral and my ex dh has also disowned our eldest son so my youngest dc has to go to the funeral with out me or his brother.
Ex stopped speaking to eldest son as he was annoyed he felt he was more on my side helping me, which is just none sence and he knows it. He just constantly looks for things to hurt me and he knows by hurting the kids it will devastate me.
So I just don't know what to do I am going to send flowers and a card and plan to pay my respects after the funeral is over but I don't feel it's enough if you understand me.
I don't know how to support the dc's one being allowed to go to the funeral but then one not they need each other on that awful day and because of my ex it won't be that way.
Any advise please??
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AIBU?
AIBU - to want to just pay my respects and support my dc in there time of grief?
13 replies
Pandamanda3 · 15/11/2016 11:57
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