To be upset with school?

[PointyJat]

My ds started school in September. In his class is another boy (I'll call him Fred) who randomly kicked another child, causing bruises in the first week. Yesterday I was called in as Fred had punched my son in the playground, my son was upset and didn't fight back, school says it was a random act (ie they hadn't been arguing or playing, Fred just walked up and hit him).

His teacher said they are watching Fred carefully and he is being assessed. This morning, I found out from other parents that at least four other children have been hurt by Fred, each time it's random, eg one girl was hit in the eye during class, one boy was pushed over when he walked out of the toilet. School didn't tell me about all these other incidents.

I'm really upset that Fred is continuing to hurt children and the teachers don't have a handle on it. I need to see the teacher again to find out what's happening now i know about all the other incidents.They need to protect the children from injury but aibu to think the school haven't done enough so far? It's not just little pushes or shoves

[Sirzy]

You don't know what the school are doing though or what is happening.

All you know as fact is your child was sadly hurt yesterday. That's not good but school are aware and dealing with it.

What do you want from school? It is impossible to watch any child all the time.

[MumOnTheRunCatchingUp]

No they haven't done enough.....assessing isn't doing anything

They don't have to tell you about other kids tho

[user1477282676]

It's always upsetting when your child is hurt but you need to understand that Fred may have some special needs which aren't yet being catered for in school because they're not diagnosed.

He is being assessed as they said so there's nothing else you can do short of withdrawing your son. And every class of 30 children has at least one child with some tendencies towards hitting.

[user1477282676]

MumontheRun of course assessing is doing something! It involves highly trained professionals...usually an educational psychologist!

[Lapinlapin]

I'm sorry your son was hurt.

I don't think they had a responsibility to tell you about the other incidents though - after all, it isn't anything to do with you really. Obviously it is their responsibility to tell the other parents of the children involved, which hopefully they did.

I assume that if he is being assessed, school may well be able to have some intervention put in place ( I.e extra TA support etc) so hopefully it will get better. Unfortunately, the assessment process can take a long time.

What must be difficult for the school is the fact that these incidents are random. They simply won't be able to watch him every second of every day.

He must be really struggling at school.

[Trifleorbust]

What do you expect them to do with Fred? Until he hits the threshold for exclusion (which will be in the behaviour policy and not at their discretion) he will be in the school and on the yard. If he is assessed and it is decided that he is behaving this way because of SN, the school may not ever be able to exclude him. I completely sympathise but in all honesty, am not sure what you expect.

[PotteringAlong]

They won't tell you anything - why would they? Would you be happy if confidential information about your child was given to any parent who asked?

[Allthewaves]

They shouldn't be telling you about other children.

Sounds like Fred has issues - could be sen, could be anger issues.

Being assessed mean Fred could be undergoing diagnosis. It's a longish process and school just have to do their best in the short term.

They can watch him closely but its going to be hard to intervene if he's being random.

It's a no win situation for anyone.

[WorraLiberty]

You spoke to the teacher yesterday, so why do you need to speak to them again today?

If Fred hurts your child again, then is the time to go back and see the teacher.

But right now, you've done all you can do and anyway, he might never hurt your son again for all you know.

[Jiggl]

I don't think that the school could tell you about the attacks on the other children. If your son for example was lashing out at school due to some upheaval in his personal life or if you were awaiting a referral for behavioural tests, I'm sure that you'd be upset if his teachers were telling all the parents that LittlePointy was going around hitting and I'm guessing it would be a confidentiality breach on their part if they did.

That said, I do see how frustrating it is as a parent of a victim. There is a SN child in my DS's nursery who is rough and lashes out at the others. One day it happened to be my son. I've heard that Bob* has also walloped other children and I saw him on another occasion attack a child randomly seconds before the teacher stepped in. In my case, I had a chat with my son, explaining SN to him a little, and chatted to the nursery manager and key worker.

In your case I think all you can do is raise your concerns. But don't feel frustrated if they can't discuss the other incidents with you. All they really can do is outline to you what they are doing to ensure children's safety in general.

[WorraLiberty]

And presumably, part of being assessed means that his behaviour will be kept a very close eye on from now on.

[That1950sMum]

I don't know what more you want the school to do. They have said they are assessing him which means they are talking to specialist professionals about getting the right support for Fred.

In the meantime it is very unkind for other parents to be gossiping. The school told you about an incident involving your child and that is all you need to know. Imagine how Fred's parents must be feeling.

[bumsexatthebingo]

The child should have a Ta with them if they are randomly lashing out. Schools can apply for top up funding for this. I think you are well within your rights to seek reassurance that your child will be kept safe. But the school will only be able to talk about your child.

[user1479205581]

They're aware and they're dealing with it. They cannot discuss it with you. What else do you expect?

[busyrascal]

YABU.

The school is not obligated to tell you about interactions between other children.

I imagine that the school will not have the resources to allow for a member of staff to follow an individual child around making sure that he doesn't hit anyone. Staff are expensive. And if it's that random, then an adult following him around probably wouldn't be able to stop him anyway. Hands and feet are very quick!

I'm sorry that your ds was hurt.

[busyrascal]

And there's nothing to say that a 4year-old who hits other children needs to have SEN. They have been in school for just a couple of months and are still learning how to interact with each other. Maybe they are an only child or maybe at home they are permitted to interact with siblings in this way.

[Sirzy]

So Fred isn't entitled to an education? How will withdrawing him help him? Or does he not matter?

given until yesterday the OP was only aware of one other incident doesn't sound like Fred's behaviour is causing too much of an issue for her son at the moment.

Perhaps leave the school and Freds family to try to fight the system and sort things rather than gossiping on the playground and making things more stressful for them?

[Gymnopedies]

I am a bit surprised at the responses, how is it in any way OK to let Fred hit other children? This would never be allowed in a workplace but since it's children being assaulted at school it's OK?
Sounds like Fred needs to be home schooled, at least until his behaviour can be improved/triggers understood.

[bumsexatthebingo]

Yeah let's just kick kids with sn out of school for the years it sometimes takes for them to be assessed

[Trifleorbust]

Fred is entitled to an education, but surely the safety of other children comes first. If he is violent then, pending an assessment, he does need to be dealt with according to the school's behaviour policies.

[Sirzy]

Nobody has said it is ok for Fred to hit though. But little children do sometimes, it's not comparable to a workplace because most adults have learnt impulse control by the time they reach adulthood and realise that hitting is wrong and can control the urge as tempting as it is not to sometimes

4 year olds, even 4 year olds without an special needs, sometimes struggle to control impulses and sometimes might hit out. It's not ideal, its not acceptable but it's also not something that can change overnight. Keeping the child hidden away certainly won't change that either!

[PointyJat]

My expectation is that the school should take steps to ensure the safety of the children and that doesn't seem to be successful so far ie six children have been attacked. I am not an expert in this area but it seems that Fred needs to have 1:1 supervision at all times to safeguard the other children and also help him?

I am sympathetic towards Fred, I'm not a gossip hence only just heard about the other incidents. There is a lot of ill will towards Fred and his parents from what I heard this morning, unfortunately people talk and it seems many of the parents know about all the incidents and want Fred excluded. Surely there's a way to help Fred as well as protecting the other children? 1:1 TA? I have no idea how funding works, maybe it's naive to think he will get this support.