AIBU to feel jealous of DH

(91 Posts)
Iwantamarshmallow Sat 12-Nov-16 16:53:36

A few years ago a shelf fell down and I lost some ornaments I'd been collecting since my 20's. DH was rather nonplussed about the whole thing and refused to claim on our insurance. I was so glad no one was hurt I just let it go.
A few months ago DH used my savings (for the second time) (without my consent) to top up our bank account when we had run out of funds way before payday. During the same period DH had brought quite a few bits of leisure /hobby equipment using our joint account and taken out finance on various different items for himself. DH'S hobbies/leisure activities have always been a bone of contention between us.
Three weeks ago most of DH'S leisure a equipment was stolen during a break in, our insurance has agreed to cover the full amount. DH is as happy as Larry as he's going to be able to buy all this new kit.
AIBU to feel like utter shit . I think I probably am it's just DH gets all this cash to spend on his shiny new kit, a third of my savings are gone and will not be replaced and when it was my stuff DH didn't want to know.

ArmfulOfRoses Sat 12-Nov-16 16:56:44

He is stealing your money!
Wtf!

Gardencentregroupie Sat 12-Nov-16 16:56:59

Your husband is a selfish dickhead

mumonashoestring Sat 12-Nov-16 16:57:20

I think I'd be saying 'great news about the insurance - first thing you can do is return the money you took from my savings, then you can start replacing your hobby stuff'. Then I'd be making damned sure the thieving toad no longer had access to my savings.

Has he even apologised?

stayathomegardener Sat 12-Nov-16 16:57:31

Your DH sounds horrible!
Insist on your savings being returned and I would also expect him to now pay you the money out of his insurance claim to cover your ornaments purely on the basis he is a twat.
Alternatively LTB. Cross on your behalf.

BlessYourCottonSocks Sat 12-Nov-16 16:58:04

I would be expecting him to replace MY savings with the insurance money...not buy himself brand new kit.

He's a tosser frankly. And a thief.

BlessYourCottonSocks Sat 12-Nov-16 16:58:40

There you go OP. A rare Mumsnet consensus.

donajimena Sat 12-Nov-16 16:58:57

You also need to safeguard your savings. He shouldn't be able to just 'take' them

DonaldStott Sat 12-Nov-16 16:59:33

He is a theif. When the insurance money comes through, tell him to deduct the amount he stole from you so you can return it to your savings. I am shocked at this.

OffBeatOyster Sat 12-Nov-16 17:00:03

He's a tosser!

Nothing else needs said.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 12-Nov-16 17:03:48

He pays you back the money he owes you then he buys kit with whatever is left.

His and hers savings are unusual if you are married though.

Or, if you have need of a separate savings account for some special reason then the other person wouldn't have access.

So, in this situation I would expect DH to put the money back into our savings account asap and then see what spare money we have for hobbies.

Neither DH nor I would use savings without discussion though. If we were short one month we would definitely use some savings to avoid overdraft, but that would be after discussion, or maybe even just advance warning that it will have to happen because of unexpected car repairs or something.

sorryIam Sat 12-Nov-16 17:07:49

Go an open a account in your own name for goodness sake, use that in future. If you have access to yours an his joint account you can pay the money back into your new account when he gets the insurance payout surely?

Marmalade85 Sat 12-Nov-16 17:10:37

When I was on mat leave my ex expected me to still pay half the rent and bills and food etc which was way more than my basic SMP and yet when he got a £2000 pay out for a minor accident on his bike I didn't see a penny. He bought a £300 apple watch and more expensive cycling kit yet complained about the cost of formula and nappies. He also earned more than me. Get rid OP. He is a thief.

Marmalade85 Sat 12-Nov-16 17:12:50

I'm sure your husband he will justify it, like my ex, by saying that you have savings and he doesn't. We have savings for a reason, because we save! It isn't free money.

TheNaze73 Sat 12-Nov-16 17:15:12

In this is why I'd never dream of have linked finances with anyone again. Once bitten & all that.

He sounds hideous op

e1y1 Sat 12-Nov-16 17:15:29

He'd be gone in a shot.

What an utter thoroughly selfish person.

- Wouldn't let (wtf?) you claim on your insurance
- Takes your money without consent
- Taking out finance when he is running out of day to day money and using savings

Something so very wrong here.

happypoobum Sat 12-Nov-16 17:23:26

How does he have access to your savings? Cut him off! Or chuck him out

Trying321 Sat 12-Nov-16 17:25:47

Why are you not demanding your money back? I would demand this as soon as I had realised he had stolen it.

Move all the remaining amount of your savings to a private account and tell him you've spent it. Keep it a secret from him.

Iwantamarshmallow Sat 12-Nov-16 17:29:41

Thank you. I feel much better now. I think just knowing he is being a dick and it's not me it what I needed to hear.
We have a joint account but DH doesn't save. If I come into any money I pop it into my isa incase I want something later. It's not alot of money at all but having it made me feel safe.
DH isn't going to replace the money. He feels he's done nothing wrong. He doesn't understand it was his spending that sent our account into the red in the first place he blames it on me. DH earns way more than I do so I guess he feels entitled to spend the money. I will open a new account.

mumonashoestring Sat 12-Nov-16 17:33:36

If he earns more than you he definitely doesn't have any excuse for his thieving. If I were you I'd put my savings out of his reach, then deduct a sum each month from what you both pay in to your joint account until you've recouped what he overspent.

Oh, and find yourself a nice expensive hobby ;)

RainbowJack Sat 12-Nov-16 17:35:32

Take money out of your joint and put what he stole back into your ISA.

Unacceptable behaviour from him angry

Wonkydonkey44 Sat 12-Nov-16 17:39:17

Your husband is a class one knob !

fuzzywuzzy Sat 12-Nov-16 17:39:20

On payday take out the money he stole and put it into a separate account.

Is it too late to claim on your insurance for your ornaments?

He doesn't sound very nice.

Iwantamarshmallow Sat 12-Nov-16 17:42:56

He shouldn't have access to my savings. We have a joint account but only i can access my isa he used my online banking app on my phone to transfer the money into our joint account.
since I had dc I don't like to look at the bank account because it makes me anxious and DH wanted to handle the finances, he kept saying I was too independent so I just let him get on with it so I cold focus on dc
When I went on mat leave I kept asking DH if we were OK for money and he said yes. It's happened a few times and I kept asking because it seemed we had more money than we were earning . It gets blamed on me evey time
Don't get me wrong I do buy stuff just not fancy non essentials
Reading my own posts has made me realise what utter idiot I've been.

Ewock Sat 12-Nov-16 17:44:41

How on earth did he get it out of your ISA? It would only be in your name.

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