To ask if you've held somebody's hand as they're dying? Floods of tears

(8 Posts)
Livingonbuttons Fri 11-Nov-16 14:34:15

This shouldn't be happening, I should be ok, it's been 5 and 6 years since I had to do this for two family members. Including the person I loved most in the world. But for some reason it's the other person whose memory is distressing me more right now, because that death was more traumatic.

Usually I'm ok nowadays but I've just had a vivid memory of holding my dog as she was being put to sleep and it's brought everything else back too.

I just miss all of them and how my life used to be.

Everytime I think I'm getting better with my grief, something like this happens. How long does it take to not collapse emotionally every now and again? I'm 30 now. I can't lose more years. Have you been in this position? What helped?

Is grief counselling a good idea? I thought I was past that, but clearly not.

JellyBelli Fri 11-Nov-16 14:39:27

Grief counselling would be a good idea. Sincere condolences flowers

CindyCrawford2 Fri 11-Nov-16 14:42:40

You poor thing. I too have been in this position and the memories still haunt me every day. I don't know what to say to you apart from just try to keep going on with your life. Life is precious and what we have been through shows us that. Draw strength from the fact that you are a strong person to have gone through what you have and that you have supported those loved ones (including your dog) when they needed you. The one who have gone, who you loved and who loved you, would want you to carry on with your life and try to be happy xx

Highlandfling80 Fri 11-Nov-16 14:43:18

I was there when my dad died and also when they switched off my mums life support. I never had grief counseling but my sibling did and it helped enormously.
Sending condolences.

pinktransit Fri 11-Nov-16 14:45:24

I don't have any answers I'm afraid - I'm just over a year on and still fall apart sometimes. Earlier today it was because something I typed in an email to my DD was just the thing I'd have typed to DP... Just a simple 'Can't wait to see you tomorrow, love you' had me in tears.
Anyway - counselling may be good but in the meantime this post from a couple of years ago on Mumsnet really helped me.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/2507594-How-to-deal-with-grief

There isn't any right or wrong way to deal with grief, and no defined timescales either.

I'm sorry for your losses, including your dog - that's a tough one to deal with too flowers

FarAwayHills Fri 11-Nov-16 14:46:16

It's really difficult OP but perfectly understandable to miss those that meant so much to you. flowers

Personally I don't think it ever fully goes away we just become better at suppressing the sadness as life takes over and time passes. Then sometimes a memory or a song will remind you of the person and bang you are right back there. However as time goes on I find that this happens less often.

If you are really struggling then perhaps talking to a councillor might help.

RachelRagged Fri 11-Nov-16 15:30:31

flowers OP and for pinktransit

I have never held anyones hand as they were passing and never usually get to say goodbye , but I did with my DNan . It comes in waves forever more really I find and songs, seasons even, pictures or films can all suddenly bring it back . I do believe in an afterlife of sorts though, which does help, and I do believe we will one day see them again in some form.

So sorry for your recent loss of your dog , I have a dog and know how much we love them.

Feilin Fri 11-Nov-16 15:58:34

flowers I've been there , grief counselling really helped. I'm so sorry you are struggling .

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