To think there is no such thing as the perfect fairytale life?

(21 Posts)
MrsMcAvoy Thu 10-Nov-16 09:40:51

I had a pretty shitty childhood, and always told myself when I was older I would have a nice 'normal' life with a loving family and a nice home etc.
I now have all that to a certain extent - a loving DH, my wonderful DS, a nice home, we're not rich but live comfortably and are fairly happy. And I can't help but constantly think, when will something change to end all this?

I don't know if it's just since I had my DS (who is 8 months old) or if I felt like this before, but I have a constant nagging that sometime soon we will be rocked by something that will ruin our happiness. As surely no one can ever stay happy forever.

Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?

BellMcEnd Thu 10-Nov-16 09:50:14

Yes.

My childhood wasn't idyllic as my parents divorced, there was alcoholism and money worries but I was loved and cared for. I have very strong and healthy relationships with both of them now.

I have a brilliant DH and 3 healthy, happy children. We're by no means rich but we have a nice house in a leafy, safe area.

I often worry that something will go horribly wrong - I have close friends dealing with horrific things and I live round the corner from where the tram derailed yesterday so I do know that things can change in the blink of an eye. I make sure that no matter what a shitty day I'm having, that I remember to be grateful for everything that I have and to count all of my blessings.

Unless it's causing you unreasonable anxiety, and if it is, I'd suggest seeing your GP, then I think you just have to be grateful but carry on living your life. I'm glad that things have turned out well for you smile

Losingtheplod Thu 10-Nov-16 09:52:55

I know what you mean, I often feel the same. I try to make sure I enjoy what I have now, and don't let worrying about things I can't control spoil it.

darceybussell Thu 10-Nov-16 09:57:45

I feel like this too. Whenever good things happen I am always waiting for the bad thing to come along. I didn't have a bad childhood, and I have been very lucky - which to be honest makes it a bit worse - I almost feel like I'm due something really awful. I just try to not let it affect me too much and remember that these things aren't planned out - it's total chance.

MrsMcAvoy Thu 10-Nov-16 10:00:16

I don't think it's causing me too much anxiety at the moment, it's just a fleeting thought sometimes that something could suddenly happen and take away my happiness. You're right Bell I think that it's important to be thankful when there are so many people who have no happiness and probably wish they had something to be scared of losing.

NickyEds Thu 10-Nov-16 10:06:21

I feel the same op. My mother became very ill when I was 16 and died when I was 18 so I think that I'm always 'looking for icebergs' as dp calls it. I also struggle with how lucky I am to have dp and two healthy happy babies. I have an underlying feeling of waiting for the bubble to burst that is hard to let go of. It does make me really appreciate what I have though.

deadringer Thu 10-Nov-16 10:11:45

I felt like this when my older two were little, boy and girl, happy marriage etc. Twenty odd years later and i won't lie we have had some shit thrown at us, lots of ups and downs but we are still happily married (mostly) and we now have five healthy kids who are all doing well.

MrsMcAvoy Thu 10-Nov-16 13:22:45

I wonder if its children that make us feel this way? I've always had the worry that something bad will come along but I'm wondering if it's gotten worse since DS came along

princessconsuelabannahammock Thu 10-Nov-16 13:32:31

Me too I am always waiting for it to implode. I have a lovely life but I think it's all going to turn to shit tomorrow.

So I enjoy and squeeze every bit of joy out of today as in my head tomorrow might be the day it all cocks up.

I have had some awful times and I know what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - in difficult times you need to play the hand you are dealt but now I have children I worry more. Tough though.

Tigresswoods Thu 10-Nov-16 13:38:43

Nicky I can do relate to that. My mum died when I was 21 & I'm just waiting for all my loved ones to die.

winterisnigh Thu 10-Nov-16 13:42:14

Op I have heard of this before in relation to dc because you have something so important to worry about. It can cause anxiety.

80schild Thu 10-Nov-16 13:48:26

I know how this feels. I had lovely parents but had a shit time at school and a sister with personality disorder. I think as a result of this I spent the best years of my life depressed (although I can only see it now). The last few years have been so good and for the first time I know what it is to be content with myself and my surroundings. I feel something is bound to go wrong - this sort of happiness can't last can it?

Ihavesomethingtosaytoday Thu 10-Nov-16 13:51:07

Please just be thankful.

My life imploded 3 years ago, and my DH is now dying of the cancer he was diagnosed with then.

Appreciate every day, and be thankful. Believe it or not, I can and I am

Isitadoubleentendre Thu 10-Nov-16 14:03:19

Oh my goodness I totally could have written your post, except I was also lucky enough to have a lovely childhood as well.

I have nigh on a 'perfect life'. I am very happily married, live in a lovely house in a lovely, not totally minted but very comfortable and will probably have some sort of fairly significant inheritance for both us and our kids, have two lovely healthy children (one of each!), fairly happy in our careers.

But the whole time I have this nagging fear that something catastrophic is going to happen to end it all. And the longer we go on being happy the worse that thing is going to be. I have never ever had to deal with anything really bad happening to me or my family really, and I worry that i will just completely fall apart when this 'thing' happens.

I have never posted about it before on Mumsnet, as I know the utter barrage of shit that some people have to live with and here i am complaining that my life is 'took perfect' but i can really relate to your post.

What I try and do these days is just push these anxieties to the side and just be grateful every day for the life I have right here right now.

longdiling Thu 10-Nov-16 14:08:48

flowers Ihavesomething.

Prawnofthepatriarchy Thu 10-Nov-16 14:10:40

Like Ihavesomething my very happy life was shattered, first by discovering my youngest DC had type 1 diabetes and then, 6 months later when we were told my DH was dying. Both our DC were at primary school.

Luckily, as a recovering alcoholic, I had been so grateful every step of the way, knowing how lucky we were to have each other and the DC (gratitude is what keeps AA members sober). When my DH died I had the memory of 14 happy years to support me.

Sure, shit happens, but we need to glory in, and be grateful for, the happiness that we do have. Life brings pain inevitably, that's a fact, but lots of people never get the happiness OP describes. Be glad for what you've got. Don't trouble trouble until trouble troubles you, as the saying goes.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 10-Nov-16 14:14:54

Yes I think I get this OP. I have a perfect life. But I haven't been hit by tragedy yet so it must be my turn soon.

Don't trouble trouble until trouble troubles you, I like that Prawn.

Eolian Thu 10-Nov-16 14:24:12

I think having children does make you feel like that, because your instincts kick in to make you extra protective of your safe environment to protect your child.

Something I read in a very helpful book said that we need to stop being frightened of our feelings of anxiety about stuff. The anxious feelings are our brains naturally 'looking for icebergs' as a way of protecting us from possible danger. And those gut feelings haven't evolved that much since we were primitive people who might be eaten any minute! So when I get anxious feelings about things that might happen, I try to mentally pat my inner cavewoman on the head and say "Bless. Thanks for the warning dearie, but there's no sabre-toothed tiger right now".

NickyEds Thu 10-Nov-16 15:11:03

I was like this before having dc but I'm definitely worse now. Interestingly dp is the opposite- finds it easy to live in the moment, doesn't worry too much about things that may never happen...He had a probably less comfortable upbringing than me, with less money but still very, very stable and loving but he had never been to a funeral until very recently (he's 37)so really hasn't experienced loss. In the 18 months after my mum's funeral I had to attend another 2 (my uncle and god mother) so I think it has given me a different perspective.

I also think some people are just worriers. I can lay awake at night worrying that one of my dc will get leukaemia. Nothing I can do about it, no point in worrying but it's there all the same. It just doesn't enter dp's head.

On the flip side I too squeeze every bit of joy out of my life.

Eolian dp would have been gobbled up long ago!

MrsMcAvoy Thu 10-Nov-16 18:58:57

Prawn and ihavesomething you are such brave people. Bless both of you flowers

I'm glad it's not just me who feels this way. I keep trying to just live in the moment. Clearly there are some poor poor people who really have something to complain about. Funnily enough these people are the ones who never do complain!

MrsMcAvoy Thu 10-Nov-16 19:00:24

Nicky I'm definitely a worrier! Always have been. It doesn't consume my life or anything but I do think I unnecessarily overthink things

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